37 Saving the Princess from her own Stupidity

{Author's Note}

Have a chapter. Not much of a note here, other than the Discord link

Speaking of which...NEWEST LINK: https:/ /disc ord.gg/3 CBazz8 C4H

STORY WITH ON THE!

***

{Sabasa Castle Prison}

The prison of Sabasa Castle had everything one could possible want in a dungeon: rusty metal bars to keep the inmates from escaping; rough walls with torches mounted on them; stern looking guards who regarded the prisoners with disdain; and even chains in some of the cells for the more violent prisoners to be restrained. All in all, Kevin would give it a solid eight on a scale of one to ten.

After passing by a dozen or so cells, both empty and occupied, they finally came to the one containing the monster they were looking for.

"Oh Darling!" Amira exclaimed dramatically. "Coming all the way here to meet me! Good things sure do come to those who wait."

Kevin continued to regard the unfortunate lamia with an unsettling grin. "Hey, Amira. I see you've been locked up."

"Yes," she dramatically sighed. "There was no reason for them to throw me in here, but if I had to say, it must have been because I'm so hideous."

"For once, I find myself agreeing with the humans," Alice snarked.

Before anything else could be said, though, one of the guards spoke up. "Hey! Snake girl! Get the hell out of here already! This isn't your house!"

"The true reason is that they give me three meals every day," the unfortunate lamia admitted with no regret whatsoever.

Cracking his knuckles, the Eevee started approaching the cell's door. "Perfect! Then they won't care about me beating you half to death."

Amira immediately paled and scrambled to the far wall. "W-w-what are you t-talking about, da-da-darling?" she stuttered, visibly sweating on her human parts.

"Well," Kevin began, opening the door. "I distinctly remember you telling me that the haunted mansion would have an Elemental Type I hadn't unlocked yet inside of it. Turns out, it was just a power up for my Umbreon form, and while I do appreciate the advice to go there in the first place, you technically lied to me. For that, you need to experience unparalleled pain."

The backwards monster's panic was immediately ratcheted up to 100% at that moment. In her head, she started to go over the last few chapters of the story, and came to the part where she had, indeed, unintentionally misled the teenager. She also came across multiple comments by readers of said story about how badly they wanted her to suffer and die, which made her heart drop even further into her stomach.

'It's not my fault! I was designed this way!' she mentally screamed, hoping her sentiment would be felt beyond the fourth wall. She then returned her focus to her upcoming doom, and tried thinking fast. "Uh…um…if I give you information on the Safina region, will you promise not to hurt me?"

Kevin stopped right in front of her. "If you tell me anything useful, I will not break your bones."

"That's a little too specific, but I'll take it!" Amira nodded enthusiastically. "First is about the Pyramid. Other than being the place where you can find the missing Princess, it has a Queen-Class monster with the Rock and Ground elements."

"That's good to know. Keep going."

"If you go to the Witch Hunt Village to the south, you will find a few of the Held Items that were recently released into the world sitting in the Village Lord's manor. There are also plenty of disturbing experiments standing between you and them, so it would be best to not underestimate the danger the manor poses.

"Hm…more than one Held Item in a single place? Sounds like a perfect place to stop by."

"Finally, is the location of Gnome," Amira said, causing Kevin, Sylph, and Alice to suddenly pay even closer attention. "To the north of Sabasa are the Safaru Ruins. They're all that's left of a city of humans and monsters who worshiped Gnome, but were abandoned years ago. There have been sightings of dolls made from mud wandering around there."

Sylph perked up. "Those sound like Gnomey's familiars!" she exclaimed. "She makes dolls out of mud for fun, then makes them move with her magic so she can play with them."

"Then I guess we know where to go to find Gnome," the Eevee nodded, then focused on Amira again. "If I'm not wrong, this region is following the typical "three quests" trend that's been prominent up to now?"

"Of course!" she nodded. "So…are you going to let me go free now?"

Kevin shook his head. "No. While your information was indeed useful, I only said I wouldn't break your bones. There are plenty of Moves I can use on you that won't break anything, but will be just as painful."

"…Mercy?"

"Never."

***

{Author's Note: I apologize for the sudden jump-cut to the next scene, but the amount of physical and psychological violence Kevin used against Amira in this scene are just too graphic for me to describe. For those of you who were hoping to receive a detailed description of the Unfortunate Lamia being beaten to a bloody pulp, you will have to settle for a brief list of a few Moves our protagonist used against the annoyance: Swift, Fury Swipes, Uproar, Vise Grip, and many others. I will leave the rest to your imagination.

Needless to say: Amira wouldn't recover enough to leave the dungeons until four days later.}

***

{Later – Walking through the streets of Sabasa}

Kevin now had a pleased smile on his face, as did both Alice and Sylph. All three of them were able to draw a significant amount of enjoyment from the abomination of nature's punishment. Even the small Spirit couldn't help but grin at the memory of Amira's screams of pain echoing through the dungeon. It was just natural to enjoy the suffering of such an annoying creature.

On the way out of the castle, they'd also overheard more than a few interesting tidbits from the random ministers, knights, and scholars wandering the halls. These ranged from the fact that the first King of Sabasa was actually married to a monster and the current king was their descendant, to information on how the Pyramid was actually a labyrinth on the inside and it was originally made for something called the "Dragon Seal Trial." There were even some rumors about how the King had tried going to the Pyramid himself, but was talked out of it by his advisors.

The information dump didn't end when they vacated the palace, though. By eavesdropping on the random conversations of the ordinary citizens, the Eevee was able to get an even better mental image of the various destinations he had to visit. One said that the boss monster that lay deep within the Pyramid was a Sphynx, which made perfect sense to the boy. Another mentioned how Ilias Kreuz, a the terrorist organization that bombed the mermaid school back in Port Natalia, had attacked the bazaar, but were driven away when the king showed up.

A prostitute almost approached, trying to get some business from Kevin, but was quickly scared away by the mountain of pressure that fell on her shoulders the moment she was spotted by Sylph.

Surprisingly, they overheard something useful from a priest while walking by the Church of Ilias. "South of here is the Witch Hunt Village. The female Lord arrests villagers and travelers accused of being witches. She tortures them until they confess, then executes them," the old man said. "Anyone accused is arrest without questions, regardless of age or sex, she prosecutes any suspects."

Kevin shook his head in disappointment. "It's the Salem Witch Trials all over again," he grumbled as they walked away.

"The what?" his lamia companion asked.

"Where I come from, there was a historical event a few hundred years ago called the Salem Witch Trials," the boy explained. "Essentially, a bunch of jealous children and women in a village accused others of witchcraft and led to dozens of innocent men and women to be hanged by the religious idiots who ran the church."

"...really?"

Kevin shrugged. "That's all I know of it. Several books were published about it, but I never bothered to read them. It was just one of those things people referenced offhandedly."

Their final stop before one of the local inns was, oddly enough, a Mermaid Bar. According to the barmaid behind the counter, they'd recently set up this second branch of the bar to pull in more customers. How stupid is was for an aquatic species to live in a desert was left unsaid. The mermaid also gave some exposition about how the Mermaid Queen hated humans for some reason that nobody knows and disappeared shortly after they made peace with humans, but Kevin filed that away in his mind under "things to worry about later."

Upon reaching the inn recommended by the guard from the castle, they were pleased to hear that their stay would be paid in full by the king for their willingness to save his daughter. As a result, they booked the largest room with the biggest bed, which Alice appreciated when she found herself capable of spreading her full tail out without having to pile it up upon itself. And, of course, Kevin and Sylph settled into the Bag of Bedding for the night.

***

{The Next Day}

It was obvious that their first quest in this region would be to find the Princess. Not because it was a time-sensitive issue that could decide the stability of the Sabasa Kingdom, but because Kevin had long since run out of chocolate in his bag and was desperate to collect the mountain of it he'd been promised as his reward. Anything that stood in his way would find itself missing a few limbs.

He was so eager to get going, in fact, that he didn't hesitate to shift into his Griffeon evolution after leaving the city. What surprised Alice was that despite the airheaded childishness he once again displayed after transforming, he was able to focus ninety percent of his attention on getting to the Pyramid.

Still, it was good for her to know that no matter what form he was in, his desire for chocolate would be unshakeable. She made a mental note to get a few bars of it delivered to her from her castle's chefs, mainly in order to keep any of the evolutions he'd unlock in the future under control…and probably the ones he'd already unlocked as well.

The Pyramid came into view at around two in the afternoon, shortly after the sun reached its zenith. It reminded the Eevee of pictures of pyramids of Egypt back home, with the only difference being that this one appeared to be in much better shape. The slabs of stone didn't show as much wear and tear as one would expect, the entrance was in pristine shape with two statues of monsters in armor on either side, and the doors themselves actually had shining jewels inlaid into them.

'Then again,' the boy thought, having shifted back after landing. 'They probably have a ton of magical spells, seals, and formations in place to keep it looking this good, unlike back home.'

Standing in front of the enormous structure was a lone woman. She had light orange hair that cut off before her shoulders, flawless pale skin, and stood around five and a half feet tall. Her wardrobe, though, proved that she wasn't here for sightseeing. She was dressed in the same armor as the soldiers of Sabasa, with the only difference being the two-handed great sword strapped to her waist by a leather belt and sheath.

"This is the Pyramid," she mumbled to herself, not noticing the approaching trio of monsters. "It's bigger than I expected!"

Kevin had half a mind to simply ignore her, but…a thought suddenly struck him. 'It couldn't be that easy…could it?' he internally mused. 'But, if we're following a narrative and the original protagonist of this world was as stupid as the rest of this world's inhabitants, I can easily see it happening.' He sighed =. "Only one way to find out," he said, mentally activating his [Clairvoyant Path] and focusing on the Princess of Sabasa as the target.

Just like he suspected, the trail of light appeared and the way…directly to the armored woman. With no more doubts, he approached her and tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey," he said.

She turned, startled by the sudden appearance of three monsters. "Oh…sorry, I was a little distracted. Who are you?"

"The guy taking you home, Princess," the teen deadpanned before stepping forward, grabbing her, and throwing her over his unoccupied shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Alright, girls. We found her. Time to bring her back to the city."

To say the Princess was surprised would be an understatement. "What!? Why?"

"Your father thinks that you were kidnapped because your handwriting sucks," Kevin replied, having already put all of the pieces of the puzzle together. "And because of that, he hired me to take you back, promising me compensation for retrieving you. I'm not letting whatever you hoped to accomplish here get in the way of that."

"Let me go!" she shouted, now actively squirming to get out of the short boy's grasp. "I have to take the Dragon Seal Trial!"

Kevin shook his head, now in the process of walking away from the Pyramid. "No, you don't. You have to get your ass back to your castle so I can claim my reward."

Suddenly, years of training given to her by her father surfaced in the princess's mind. Not on the art of battle, though; it was on the art of coercion. "If you let me go, I promise to double whatever my father offered you!" she offered, desperately grasping at straws.

The Eevee stopped at that moment. The deal with the King had been for his chefs to provide him with as much chocolate as they could possibly cook. If the princess was telling the truth, even if it took a few more days or weeks, he could easily have TWICE that amount. His mouth watered at the thought of it. "You will?" he asked.

"Of course! I give my word as Sara, Princess of Sabasa," she replied.

"Fine," the boy conceded, setting the woman back on her feet.

Dusting herself off, she once again addressed the strange male monster who'd been hired by her father. "Thank you. I know you were sent to retrieve me, but this is something that I need to do. For my love…"

Kevin held up a hand to stop her. "Yeah, I don't care about your reasons for being here in the first place. Just know that we'll be coming with you so you don't die like an idiot to the no-doubt countless monsters infesting this place."

"Don't be mean, Kevin!" Sylph shouted, flying up from his shoulder to bop him on the head.

"I'm not mean," the boy deadpanned at her. "I'm HONEST."

She pouted at him. "That doesn't make what you said any less mean! How would you like it if someone made fun of you for doing the [True Bonding Ritual]?"

He thought about it for a second, before replying. "I'd probably agree with them, seeing as while I do enjoy having you around, I didn't exactly WANT to get married to someone I hadn't even known for more than a few seconds."

"…Just because you're right, doesn't mean you have a point."

"That didn't make any sense, and you know it."

"Not listening to you! Lalalalalala!"

The impression-whiplash Sara was experiencing right now was unbelievable. First, she was picked up and told that she was being taken back to the castle. Then, she somehow convinced the Hero her father sent after her to let her take the trial, but with him reluctantly tagging along. Now, she was watching him childishly argue back and forth with the fairy who up until then had been resting on his shoulder. If she had been a lesser monarch, her eyes would've been spinning as her brain tried to consolidate everything that had happened in the last few minutes.

"Don't bother to try understanding either of them," Alice called out, drawing the princess's attention to her, and having once again disguised herself as a human. "You'll just go around in circles without getting anywhere."

Both Kevin and Sylph stopped mid-argument upon hearing that, turning their heads with a dramatic slowness until they were facing Alice. "Hello, Pot. I'm Kettle," Kevin began.

"You're black," Sylph finished for him.

Sara had no idea whether or not taking these three obviously-unhinged people into the Pyramid with her was a good or bad idea, but it wasn't like she had a choice at this point. However, a small voice deep in her mind urged her to just bear with it, as all three radiated an aura of power unlike anything she'd ever seen. And, considering how easily the small boy had manhandled her, she found it hard not to believe it.

"Anyway, you three can go ahead inside," the disguised lamia waved them off. "I'll just wait here."

Kevin raised an eyebrow. "Really? You're not gonna come along and protect whatever moronic monster waits at the end of the trial from me?"

She shook her head. "No need. The Sphynx is known to be one of the more intelligent Queen Class monsters. If she manages to anger you enough to make you lash out at her, I'll go on a diet."

That…was possibly the highest praise the young Eevee had ever heard from her. Her going so far as to put her near-mindless consumption of all food on the line spoke volumes for how wise and restrained this Sphynx must be. Still, if the Queen Class monster did end up provoking him into beating her to death, he would never let the lamia live it down.

"Then it'll just be me, you, and the fairy," Sara said, finally getting back into the conversation. "My name is Sara, like I said before. I believe the fairy called you Kevin?"

"Yep. And her name is Sylph," Kevin replied as they started heading back toward the Pyramid.

"Oh! Like the ancient Spirit of the Wind?"

"Yep. Exactly like that."

***

{Inside the Pyramid – 30 minutes later}

Just like the rumors had claimed, the interior of the Pyramid was built like a labyrinth. Miles of hallways, staircases, and empty rooms stretched, branched, and terminated in dead ends throughout the entire structure. They hadn't encountered any of the monsters who supposedly guarded it, though, so at least that was a plus.

Sara decided to start a conversation with her temporary companions, mainly due to a pressing question that was prominent in her mind. "By the way, Kevin. You said something about being married?"

'I guess we're doing this, now,' the boy thought with an internal groan. "Yeah. Technically, I'm married to Sylph here."

"What do you mean by 'technically?'" She may have been a bit sheltered growing up, but even she knew that marriage was either a 'yes we are' or 'no we aren't' deal.

"Well," he began. "To make a long story short: as you can see, I'm a male monster. Pretty sure I'm the only one of my kind in this world, considering what I've heard from everyone else. Not only that, I'm a special type of monster with a strong affinity for all elements. As a result, when I came into Sylph's domain, the Universe itself took control of us against our will and forced us to perform a ritual known as the [True Bonding Ritual of Wind]. I won't go too deep into what it entailed, but it ended with our souls being permanently bound together and the Universe practically pronouncing us husband and wife."

Sara actually stopped upon hearing that. So many more questions started circulating in her head. How was he a male monster? What did he mean when he said the "Universe" forced the two of them to marry each other? Would the full explanation make things clearer, or just confuse her even more?

She was broken out of her spiral of confusion by Sylph. "What about you?" she asked, swinging her legs back and forth as she obviously diverted attention away from the touchy topic. "Didn't you say that you were doing this trial for your lover?"

"Not my lover," Sara shook her head. "It's a one-sided love right now. My love lives in isolation, devoted only to the sword…I doubt they even remember me…"

Kevin stared at her. He could actually understand pining after someone who doesn't even know you exist. After all, he was a fanboy for multiple musicians and actors before his interest in the female gender had been mercilessly crushed. And unlike him, it sounded like the princess had previously met whoever the focus of her affections were.

Lucky bitch.

Of course, their conversation was cut off by the sudden appearance of a monster from around one of the corners. It was odd for the Eevee to not have felt it coming; but when he thought a little harder about it, he came to the conclusion that the array of magical formations positioned throughout the Pyramid were likely blocking any participant of the Dragon Seal Trial from cheating and just avoiding any obstacles in their way. After all, there were records of humans being capable of wielding certain detection spells.

This particular obstacle came in the form of a tanned woman covered in bandages. Well, not completely covered, as no monster girl in this world had THAT much decency. The writhing bandages instead only wrapped around her arms, legs, hips, and breasts, leaving the rest of her skin exposed to the world. She was far from defenseless, though, as yards of bandage extended from her body, maneuvering through the air with the same dexterity one would expect from an octopus's tentacles.

[Mummy Girl]

[Type: Ghost/Ground]

"A tentacle monster this far from the ocean?" Kevin mumbled, eyes glued to the writhing bandages. "This world is so weird."

Either not having heard him, or just ignoring his statement, the Mummy addressed them. "Humans undergoing the trial. If you wish to continue, you must first defeat me." She paused, seeing the odd fox-eared boy raising his hand as if he were in a classroom. "What?"

"Since I'm not a human, can I NOT fight you?" he asked.

Her eyes narrowed as she used her senses to examine him more thoroughly. From what she could detect, the ears and tail were indeed part of his body. Additionally, he possessed a magical signature far beyond what any human or monster could possibly wield. She wasn't even sure if her boss could defeat him in battle, so her instincts were practically screaming at her to agree with him.

"Since you are, indeed, not a human, and are obviously far stronger than I am, I will let you pass," she conceded, before turning back to Sara. "You, on the other hand, still must defeat me in order to progress."

Sara unsheathed her blade, her eyes practically glowing with determination. "Then I shall defeat you and continue the trial!"

***

{Five minutes Later}

Despite having all of the bravery needed to engage the Mummy in battle, the princess was lacking one very crucial trait needed to come out on top: skill. It was obvious within the first few seconds that while she carried herself like a well-trained swordswoman, she was VASTLY outclassed by the bandage-wrapped monster. So much so that it wasn't even a contest.

After five minutes of 'fighting,' she was left tied up on the ground, writhing around as the strips of cloth invaded her clothes. Kevin stared down at her, disappointment showing in his gaze as she was forced to feel pleasure against her will. He'd somewhat expected the daughter of such a powerful King to put up a better fight, but…here they were.

'Do something!' Sylph suddenly shouted in his head.

He glanced over to his shoulder where she was sitting. 'What do you want me to do?'

'I don't know…step in and save her?'

'She literally brought this on herself. She wasn't even strong enough to beat the first enemy, and yet she came here?' he shot back. 'Everyone knows that the weakest enemies are the first you encounter when dungeon diving. If she couldn't beat this Mummy, then it's probably for the best if her dreams get crushed here, rather than later on.'

A moment of silence stretched on, punctuated only by Sara's moans, before the small Spirit came back with a… surprisingly sound argument. 'If you don't rescue her, she probably won't pay you.'

'…'

'…'

'I like it better when you act airheaded.'

In response, Sylph stuck her tongue out at him.

Sighing in defeat, Kevin took a step forward. "Alright, I think she's had enough."

Seeing him approach, the Mummy retracted all of her bandages. "I guess you're right. It's not like I get any semen out of her, anyway."

"So, here's the thing," the boy began, in a tone that told the Mummy she likely wouldn't like what he had to say. "As much as I want to just take this weakling with me and leave this Pyramid, she promised me a reward for letting her go through this trial; and, I think I understand the female mind well enough to know that she'll probably retract her end of the deal because she never made it through the trial. You see where the problem is here."

Unfortunately, she did.

Seeing that she got his meaning, he continued. "So, I'll just be honest with you. I can destroy you in so many ways that it would make your head spin. That said, I'm also gonna give you the choice to just walk away. Literally nobody will blame you."

He was right. Due to the nature of the magical arrays placed on the Pyramid, every single monster within had to adapt their senses so they could hunt down any humans that entered. That meant that any monster that encountered this boy would also be able to tell that there was absolutely no chance in hell of them defeating him, and step out of his way.

"Understood. Have a good day." With that, the Mummy turned around to walk down one of the branching hallways.

"Huh…" Kevin hummed, staring at where the monster had disappeared. "That was…surprisingly easy. I wonder if the others will be that compliant?"

Needless to say, he had to wait a few extra minutes for the princess to recover from her ordeal and readjust her clothes and armor. She'd been too out of it to see how the teenager had dispatched the monster, but she there wasn't a doubt in her mind that he'd battled the Mummy in her stead after she was incapacitated, and eventually drove it off. After all, how else could she explain the sudden lack of monsters in their immediate surroundings?

***

{Author's Note}

Once again... NEWEST DISCORD LINK: https:/ /disc ord.gg/3 CBazz8 C4H

As always, comment on the paragraphs and the chapter itself. Try not to be a dick, memes are appreciated, and correct my grammar so I can fix it for future readers!

See you later!