If You Don’t Think, You Shouldn’t Talk

Severus paced around his office. Back and forth, back and forth. Alice thought he was mad. Either he was insane or angry, either of the meaning of the word worked in this situation.

"How are you doing in your studies?" Snape asked, breaking the silence.

"I think I am doing fine," Alice said, mainly thinking of her breakthrough with runes and enchantments.

"From what I heard from the Professors, that's not true," Snape said as he focused more on the girl. "You understand and can answer questions, but it comes to demonstration of skill you aren't able to cast the Wingardium Levisa charm or transfigure a match to a needle."

"How is that not fine?" Alice asked, confused. "Only Hermione and a few others could cast those spells. Is the majority of the year failing?"

"Not quite, you're not failing exactly," Snape said. "The issue lies that your technique is far ahead of the other students that lack discipline, but there aren't any results. The other Professors are gossiping that you might be a late bloomer or worse a squib."

"You know I am not a squib," Alice stated. It was peculiar to Alice since she was sure that she copied the Professor's movements and sad the words with clarity. "Is my magic core small or something?"

"Magic core? No such thing, but you are in the right direction," he gruffly replied as he crossed his arms. "This isn't something you can fix by casting Lumos fifty times a day. You simply are repressing your magic."

"It seems you are neglecting on reading Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them," Snape said. "There is a creature in the book called an Obscurus. It's a creature that spawns from a young witch or wizard repressing their magical power through their own will or external abuse. It's a smoke creature that is made of pure magic, lashing out negative energy."

"I don't exactly feel like I'm holding back this negative energy," Alice responded with a shrug. She wasn't lying. She felt relatively good to work a project, even if it was being used as a way for children to communicate with each other.

"No, you don't seem to feel anything," Snape said as he looked closer at Alice's expression. "But that's also an issue. Magic is emotionally fueled. That's why accidental magic happens in young children, they have no outlet or way to use their energy so when they feel a strong emotion, their magic leaks out in many ways. Adult wizards may seem more restrained but they simply can channel their emotion into the spells they need."

He stood up straight and clapped his hands together.

"That's why I will tutor you," Severus stated. "If you were in any other house, I'd leave you alone, but at this rate, you will be an embarrassment to Slytherin."

Snape tutoring her on how to express emotion was a laughable suggestion to Alice. The man was known for his one-sided love for Lily. Mr. Double agent man was going to tell her how to let loose?

"You're serious?" Alice asked. Magic was important for her career goals at the moment so she couldn't say no.

"Of course, but the extra lessons aren't going to be easy," Severus said. "Let's start with the first time you did accidental magic. You had at least one right?"

"I only managed to shrink some boys who were trying to use their older, mature bodies to-" Snape opened his mouth to stop where Alice was going, but quickly shut up when Alice finished her sentence with a "to rob me."

"Self defense then. Tell me, how much did they shrink? To the size of mice?" Snape asked. "And how did you feel?"

Alice wanted to roll her eyes. She felt like she was being interviewed by her therapist again. She decided that there was nothing to hide from a man that could read her mind if he wanted to.

"Only to my height," Alice said as she stood up to demonstrate. "I didn't like how they didn't want to honor their side of the agreement. I felt betrayed. I believed I paid them well enough. It's their fault for asking for a flat rate rather than a percentage of net profits."

"Paid? Net profits? What where are you doing?" Snape asked.

"Selling cookies and candy."

Snape brought his hands to his face. He couldn't believe that they were back to the cookies conversation. He swore that Alice used cookies and candy as code names for something else. Otherwise, why would she need to pay boys for the business anyway?

"Alright, is there any other moment that you can remember?" Snape asked.

Alice thought about it for several moments. She opened her mouth a couple of times, but quickly closed it because the example was rather mundane.

"I've been living for a plan," Alice answered. "Whether it's mine or my parents, there were clear steps to take and everything just worked out."

She sat down on a chair and looked down at her feet. She had the shiny shoes that her mother bought her, but she wasn't examining the shoes she was looking at her reflection.

"Either I follow my parents' goals and become a proper lady that a future house of lords member would marry," Alice said with a slight frown. "Or I build my corporate empire with the power of efficiency and money. But...both are..."

Alice went quiet. She realized something terrible. For eleven years and some months, Alice didn't stop to think about her current situation. Alice always kept herself preoccupied with projects and money-making plans. If she wasn't doing that, she was with her parents in public settings where she had a role to play instead. All she was seeking was the addictive feeling of earning money. Now that she knows how life ends and what's waiting for her in the next life. She felt her goals were empty.

"It's clear that your magic is stunted by your environment," Snape said, thinking. "Spending more time with Parkinson, Bulstrode, and Greengrass would help you with that. Especially, Parkinson, she has quite a large amount of energy, but she dedicates it to rather silly things instead of learning."

Alice nodded, admitting that Pansy was quite full of emotions. She would flip from joy over the idea of courting Draco to anger and disgust over girls that she deemed stealing her spotlight. If Pansy took that energy and tried learning proper pronunciation and wand movement she would be casting spells right by Hermione.

"Now that I have an idea of what I'm working with," Snape said. "I have a lesson plan for our extra-lessons. Head off to your next class and tomorrow come to my office."

"Do I have a choice?" Alice asked.

"It's either this or you will fail your practicals."

Alice had to weigh her pride versus spending extra time exploring her 'feelings'. It felt like going to a mandatory therapist or being forced to read memos from HR about proper conduct in the office. Her pride wouldn't let her fail. She didn't want to perform worse than Neville Longbottom.

"See you tomorrow, Professor Snape," Alice said as she readied her books to go to the next class.

"Don't forget to bring that paper with you," Snape said as he gestured to the pocket that Alice had the Chatbox in. Alice blinked in surprise. She didn't get away with using the message enchanted paper after all.

---

On Saturday, Alice came to the Potion Room. Originally she was going to spend time with the Pansy gang but explained to them that she has to spend Saturdays with Snape. When they asked why she explained that he found out that they were using a paper to cheat questions. The three of them almost felt guilty about using Alice's invention to answer questions in their other classes. Of course, it wasn't perfect, since the knowledge was just a pool of the four of them. It wasn't a magical search engine.

Daphne especially relished making Ravenclaws feel like that they were dumber than Pansy or Millicent. They had racked up a decent amount of points, even though it was in small amounts. Pansy was disappointed that they couldn't use it after Friday, but the three of them agreed with Alice that they didn't want to lose their weekend free time, just for a few extra points in the week.

"It's a good thing you quell their ambition so quickly," Snape said as he listened to Alice's explanation. "The other teachers at dinner were starting to get suspicious."

"Quit while we're ahead," Alice said as she sat in the seat that she claimed as her own.

"I borrowed something from Dumbledore's room," Snape said as he took out a metal bowl that was filled with strange water. He placed it in front of Alice. Severus had a few vials in a leather pouch. He handed one to Alice to hold. "It's for our lessons."

"Do I drink this?" Alice asked as she looked at the vial. She held it up to the light, examining the wispy fog inside of it. "No. This is a memory?"

She couldn't remember the exact name. Alice just knew it was a tool that was used the movies as a way to have flashbacks for characters but has Harry himself experience it. This was an important and expensive tool, why was it as basic as a metal bowl and a vial? She thought it would be a whole cabinet like in the fourth film.

"How did you know what a Pensive is?" Snape asked as gestured for Alice to open the vial and pour it into the metal bowl. "Are you sure you're a muggle-born? Is Blair actually a wizarding house?"

"It may seem like it because we aren't a normal English family," Alice said. "But if my parents had magic, my mother would be addicted to potions for beautification and my father would probably use obliviate on muggles."

Snape frowned since Alice was avoiding answering how she knew and talking about her family instead.

"Here, put your face into the water," Snape said. "I selected a few memories that might help you with the charms and spells you are struggling with."

Alice held her breath and placed her face in the water. She was afraid to open her eyes at first, but she felt a swift movement near the left side of her face. She opened her eyes to find that she was high off the ground, with others on brooms as well. A Quaffle had nearly missed hitting her straight on.

"Hey you blood git, don't get distracted looking for the snitch," called out a sixth or seventh-year student. He gestured downward to a student that was currently being carried away on a stretcher. "Or do you want to end up in the infirmary like Juno."

As if on cue, the golden ball flew swiftly in front of Alice and upwards towards the overcast sky. Without any desire on her part, Alice was forced upwards by the owner of the memory. She felt the weight of force that tried to force her down as the Seeker flew up with an insane speed that was rattling her brain.

The only thing that she could hear was the flapping of her cheeks as the Seeker chased after the Golden Snitch, passing by cloud after cloud until grabbing the yellow thing in his right hand. There was a moment that Alice was floating above the clouds. She felt the weight off her chest as the view above clouds was breathtaking.

Alice did see the top of clouds before when there were low lying clouds and she went on a business trip on airplanes in her previous life, but being in a metal bird was nothing like this sensation of floating that Alice felt. It was almost nauseating as she felt herself slowly falling backward.

The Seeker had carelessly flown upwards and now he was losing control of his broom. He was falling down and fast. It didn't take long before he reaches terminal velocity. Alice felt his consciousness slowly drift in and out.

Alice's final moments with his memory was hearing a teacher yell out "Windgadium Leviosa" to make the student float in the last moment so that he didn't die from the sheer height of the fall. Alice gasped as she pulled out of the metal bowl.

"Are you crazy?" Alice asked Snape. She grabbed her belly, still feeling the after-effects of being motion sick. Her blood was pumping so hard that she heard it in her eardrums. Usually in the movies, using a pensive felt like an out of body experience with a past even. Alice, however, was seeing everything through another person's eyes. "I would have appreciated a little warning!"

"It's a practical use of Levitation Charm," Snape said, deadpan. "I figured the best way for you to feel emotions is to emphasize with others. The best way to put yourself in another person's shoes is a Pensive."

Alice just stared at Snape, her mouth agape with incredulity. That was until she felt vomit rising up her throat.