1 Episode – 1 ‘Pilot’

INTERVIEW – JOEY DUNPHY

JOEY: Hello everyone. Welcome to the Modern Family. I am Joey Dunphy, one of the members of 'The Dunphy family'. Yes, I'm Haley's twin brother, big brother by 15 minutes I must say. If you thought the TV version of the Dunphy family was crazy, try living with them and you'll find out. At least one of the members is a normal one…. now… (hands rubbing the temple)

IN CHEVIOT HILLS NEIGHBORHOOD – Dunphy's residence

POV--- Joey

CLAIRE: Kids! Breakfast!

While I was making my hair I heard my mother roaring upstairs, like every other day.

I slowly get upstairs from the basement (which I turned into my bedroom cause I didn't want to share a room with Luke), when I reached kitchen I kinda felt like a déjà vu like Haley and mom arguing about her short skirt then Luke's head getting stuck in the banister and Alex informing that and suggesting for Luke to get checked by a specialist. I'm not saying that this doesn't happen often… but it just freaked me out a little don't know why…

I just shrugged, ruffled Alex's hair and sat beside her to eat.

But then Haley said something about a boy coming over. And then it hit me.

INTERVIEW – JOEY DUNPHY

JOEY: Holy shit!! Finally the canon's starting. About time man! I knew it was coming sometime now as Cam and Uncle Mitch have gone Vietnam…. Oh! You might be wondering how I know of all these… Well I isekaied, yeah yeah all that dying and reincarnating… At least I died a hero…. Okay I wasn't technically a hero….. okay okay I wasn't a hero, at least I died normally... ughh fine, I died not doing anything… Gosh! What's with the pressure… Okay I'll tell you about it, but I wasn't anything special, just an introverted nerd, studying Architectural Engineering and one night about 3 a.m. I was making a model for one of my design presentations. I kind of dosed off with a cutter on my hand... then I died… I know what you are thinking, dozed off and fell right on the cutter, right. NOO!!!! I woke up, put the cutter away as I had already completed the model. I stood up and walked away from the table and slept on my bed. And…. And the rest is history, I woke up crying my eyes out as a new born.

ALEX: ey….oey…Joey!

(Nudging her big brother)

JOEY: Oh… Sorry Alex, I was thinking about something. What were we talking about?

Rolling her eyes she speaks.

Alex: We weren't talking… I was asking.

JOEY: Alright… what were you "asking"?

ALEX: Don't you think we need to take our brother to see a specialist?

JOEY: Maybe we should… I don't want to say this but I think ADHD runs in our family…

(then we look towards the rest of our family and I continue) and many other things too.

Alex giggles and says

ALEX: And like you don't have a problem

I look towards her being offended and say.

JOEY: I do not have any problem.

(I say while I clean my mouth with a tissue and fold it three times into a perfect square)

I paused half way and said.

JOEY: Oh shut up, this is not a problem. It's called being clean and being control of myself.

Alex again giggles.

JOEY: So are you excited about today?

Alex: Why?

JOEY: Why of course Uncle Mitch and Cam are returning with…..(I completely forgot that only I know about it because of my past life so I paused looking at Alex's confused face) ….uhhh… with exotic germs with them.

ALEX: Yeah, you really don't have "any" problem.

JOEY: Alright Miss-know-it-all its your turn to do the dishes. Clean it properly.

Saying that I again returned to my room, whose door had a sign hanging "remove shoes before entering".

INTERVIEW – ALEX DUNPHY

ALEX: From all the members of my family, the person I like the most is Joey. He and I are so alike… well not alike but you know the person who knows me the most. He's fun, likes reading and most of all, he's always there for me.

INTERVIEW – HALEY DUNPHY

HALEY: Joey? Even though we are twins, we are completely different. Like in school I'm really popular, everybody loves me, invites me to the parties and have tons of popular friends, and as for my brother… its not that he's not popular or anything… well maybe kinda popular? It's just that he doesn't really interact with anybody… He's just popular because of me. Only thing that people recognize him is because he broke one guy's arm, cause the guy was being creepy around me…. (she smiles) He's kinda cool even though he's a dork.

INTERVIEW – PHIL & CLAIRE

PHIL: Joey and Haley are our first kids. Then Alex and then Luke. What can I say, I love a big happy and fun family.

CLAIRE: Raising kids is like building a car. You only have so much time to make sure the steering works and the brakes stop and the engine is dependable before you send it out on the road, and if you get one little rivet wrong, it will drive off a cliff and explode.

Awkward beat.

Interviewer: *Cough* How do you feel about Joey?

PHIL: Only Joey? Okay alright…

CLAIRE: He's the only one I don't have to worry about. Ever since I gave birth to him, he has never been a problem.

PHIL: Yeah.. He's just like his mother, he's got her blond hair, her need of control…

CLAIRE: My what?!

PHIL: I meant his need of everything clean.

CLAIRE: Oh yeah! He does have that problem. Sometimes he scares me… not even my mom has ever scolded me that badly.

PHIL: The most dangerous thing to do in this house is to mess with his things and him. Even I'm scared of him sometimes. He gives the final verdict around here, from the interior design, furniture dispositions, landscaping, what to buy, even in family decisions. He gave me a lollipop once when I happen to say something right in one of our family meetings.

CLAIRE: He sometimes get out of control, but somehow, one way or another he always ends up being correct in every decision he takes.

PHIL: He took my position in the family. (Hides his face with his hand)

INTERVIEW – LUKE

LUKE: Joey? He's the best. He gives me so many toys, not his old one's but new one's some of which he makes on his own. But he is scary, and I am forbidden to enter his room. He nearly ate me alive that one time I entered his room and touched some of his toys… I forgot to tell you that I was eating ice cream and dropped it on his carpet….

INTERVIEW – JOEY DUNPHY

I went to the basement A.K.A. my room. The room wasn't anything out of ordinary but everything was squeaky-clean, and light tone in colour. But in my monochrome coloured room, I had secluded a colourful area. I had made it my very own art studio. You can find many portraits hung around the house that I have made. I went towards that area and picked up a small canvas and started wrapping it. I had painted a picture for Uncle Mitch and Cam the day they left the country.

Joey: I hope they like it (I said while wrapping the canvas)

I put the package on the bed so I don't forget, and then go upstairs and hear about shotting Luke at four-fifteen.

AFTER FEW HOURS – Door bell rings

I was watching T.V. while Alex was reading some book, mom was folding some clothes. Mom hastily went to open the door when she heard Haley say not to open it.

Another round of fight came about, between Mom and Haley. Suddenly sound of someone falling came from the group.

JOEY: Mom, dad! What happened?

I ran towards them finding out dad lying at the bottom of the stairs.

JOEY: What happened here?

Dad reached out his hand and dramatically said.

PHIL: Homes, I can't stand…. Help meee….

I tried to help him up but he shrieked and fell down again. So I had to pick him up and put him up on the couch.

CLAIRE: Should I call the doctor?

PHIL: No

JOEY: Dad, you alright now?

PHIL: Yeah, I'm gonna be alright soon, thanks bud. You've become strong.

DYLAN: Oh hey bro, I didn't know you live here (He said to me)

(I looked at him and gave him a confused look and said.)

JOEY: What?

DYLAN: Ahh yeah.. you are Haley's brother, I forgot about that…

I gave him a deadpan look and then to Haley and gave her a 'are you serious?' look

JOEY: Yeah…

Then I look at Alex and said.

JOEY: If you ever have a boyfriend and if he's like him. Don't bring him to meet me.

Alex giggles and Haley drags Dylan to her room.

I stayed with him till he felt alright while other people went their way.

After few moments when he felt alright he went to the backyard to shoot Luke. Me and Alex followed behind him. I realized I had forgotten about everything about the show but I vaguely remember that the BB gun going rogue and hitting Dylan. I smiled and stopped Alex from getting any closer.

It went on, Dad shot Luke accidentally and just after that Haley comes shouting about Mom being crazy. Then Dad again accidentally shoots Dylan and himself.

To which I laugh hysterically looking at Dylan getting shot.

I did like him in the show but now that I live in the show, I don't really like him. I find him dumb and now Haley's my sister; I really don't like him. If only he was abit smart but I really can't stand all his dumbness. I barely stand my father, can't handle more of them.

Dad was apologizing to Luke and Luke saying Dad betrayed him, Luke ran to me and hugged my legs.

LUKE: Dad hurt me, Joey scold him please.

JOEY: What are you saying Luke? How can I scold dad?

Luke giving me a puppy eyes.

JOEY: I can't really scold dad but, how about I buy you your favorite cake?

Luke nodded and hugged my legs again.

LATER IN THE EVENING --- Mitchell and Cameron's Condo

Seems like everyone's already in the house, seeing the cars parked on the front-yard. I parked my bike and climbed off it. And held Luke and carried him off the bike.

I took the bag with the package containing Uncle Mitch and Cam's gift, walked towards the house.

JOEY: Are you still sad about being shot at by the BB gun?

Luke: No… Thanks for the Cake, I loved it.

Smiling at the boy, I guided him towards the door.

The door was not locked so we let ourselves in. What we saw was Cam holding a baby like in the lion king. Then there was an awkward silence then everyone hugged Uncle Mitch and Cam, then the baby. We also got along them and hugged with them. Then Grandpa Jay said attracting everybody's attention.

JAY: Excuse me... Okay… I – I know that I said I thought this was a bad idea. But, uh, what do I know? I mean, it's not like I wrote the book on fatherhood. Been trying all my life to get it right. I'm still screwing up…. Right Manny?

MANNY: I wrote a song about it in the car.

JAY: Of course you did. Uh- Anyway, I'm happy for you. And, uh, you should know that, uh, I'm not here to spite in your face, I'm here to blow at your back…. Uh I don't know, it supposed to sound good in Spanish.

Then Gloria said it in Spanish and everybody awed.

JAY: Anyway Mitch… I gotta admit I never thought I'd get a baby out of you two ( he takes Lily), but I'm happy I did. (he looks at Lily) You're a cute little fortune cookie, aren't ya?

Then she cries.

MITCHELL: It's her diaper, I'll change it.

He goes taking the baby to her nursery.

Then I called Cam and gave him the present.

CAM: Oh, you didn't have to. (he takes it and unwraps the present and with a gasp he says) How did you know… this is beautiful.

He said with tears on his eyes and flapping his hand near his face.

He then hugs me.

Everybody came closer and took a peak.

Everybody: Wohhh! How did you know… Amazing.

Then Uncle Mitch came with Lily and saw the painting. It was him and Cam with a little baby girl in a skirt. Uncle Mitch was holding the baby in the air, him and Cam watching her happily with smile on their face.

Both Cam and Uncle Mitch hugged me, Cam still crying.

MITCHELL: How… Just how did you know?

JOEY: I heard you two talk to each other when we were here for the dinner last time.

CAM: DAMNIT! And we thought we were being sneaky.... Thank you very much Joey for this wonderful gift.

JOEY: Its nothing... You two have a baby now, I must gift something to my new cousin. Also, Congratulations Uncle Mitch and Cam!