CHAPTER 1

SOPHIA'S POV'S

Tears welled up in my eyes, my tears wishing to fall while I couldn't help but take my eyes off my mom lying on her bed. 

My mom needed immediate surgery, even on the lump that suddenly grew and grew on her back. The doctor said it was not dangerous. But to be sure, it must be removed immediately before it grows larger and becomes cancerous.

My mom is all I have. That's why I feel so heavy in my heart as I see her like that and I'm the one who's having hard feelings about her condition and going through it. 

I don't have a father, when I was young I grew up with my mom, she's all I had after my dad left without notice. 

My dad suddenly left us. And my mom was very sad after my dad left us. 

Years passed, and even news or contact of what happened to my dad after he left us. We got nothing or heard about him. Even now, he doesn't give a clue where he is and doesn't show up or even write or call. We haven't received anything from him.

After Dad left us then. Mom worked for the two of us. Mom went into various jobs even though she was tired and hard she tried to endure everything. Mom put in her mind the most important thing for her is she earned money. In that way, she could provide for our daily expenses and even my expenses for my studies. 

I know mom has a hard time struggling to work without Dad's support. But she endured it all and she never complained to me or complained that she had difficulty supporting me alone. 

I witnessed all of mom's hard work and her hard work to raise me well and educate me until college. Even though mom is tired and hard, she still manages to show me that she is strong and resilient and that no one can break her determination that I will graduate and grow up well. Without my father's help.

Tears filled my heart, I was sad to see my mother struggling. I couldn't do anything either. If okay, I could take her place, I would accept all the pain my mom feels... I would accept. She doesn't hurt like what I see her now.

Sometimes I think about it. If only Dad hadn't left us the day he left. Mom would not have gone through this situation. She will not be forced to work for us, because I have a father who will take on the responsibilities that Mama is enduring now. 

I would also have had a father who would help me and support all my needs. Especially, if I have called someone dad, I wouldn't have been ridiculed by my friends for not having a father. 

Sad to say I don't have Dad, my whole life. In my childhood, I was often tempted by young kids like me. I can't do anything, but frequently my classmates asked me where my dad was? Whenever a parent needs to come to my school. No one comes, because mom is busy working just to earn money. 

My teachers at school also often ask me why I don't have a parent to report to and go to school with? It's always another person with me, our neighbors. My friend's mom also often shares my mom's responsibility at school. 

Tears fell in my eyes. I sighed, as I adjusted the covered blanket for mom. She moved a little while she was sleeping soundly.

As I stand here on the side. In front of Mom. I remember the money I would need for her operation. I don't have much money and I don't have any money now. I sigh, at the same time as I take a deep breath. It's as if I'm going crazy now at the thought of where I'm going to get the money. 

It seems like my head is going to explode with the number of problems it brings and burdens. 

Sometimes I want to give up. I can't imagine how easily I can raise such a large amount that mom will need for her operation. I don't want to do bad things. Especially to steal. Or, go to the bar and sell my body. In exchange for an enormous amount. 

I was devastated when tears fell again in my eyes. I rubbed it with the back of my palm. At the same time, I took another deep breath to somehow relieve the weight on my chest.

I am a college student in a business management course. I am also in the last year of my year level. My dream is to be able to finish my studies and get a job right away by the time I graduate. I want to be the one to support my mom while I work for the two of us. 

I know the difficulty of a parent in educating their children. So I thought, I will replace mom's position and responsibility as my supporter for all the years that mom has been supporting me in my studies.

Mom never disappeared beside me. 

She never neglected her responsibilities to me as my parent. She is always there and supports me. 

My number one supporter is mom. 

She is the one who encourages me and mom also said that I am the same to her. I am also the reason for all her efforts and the reason why she can endure all and overcome all her fatigue and hardship in her work.

I remember, I even got to the point where I wanted to make a living. Get into a part-time job. That's why mom won't let me. She asks me... Why can't I give you everything you need? Can't I afford to support all your study needs? 

Sometimes mom was angry, she strictly told me not to try to work while I was studying. She said that I would just focus on my studies because this is what she wanted. She is happy to see that she is raising me well and supporting my needs in life.

So I am very grateful to mom. She never forgets to be responsible as a mom of mine. So now I see her struggling with what she is going through. That very hurts me. 

I want to stop my studies. But how can I stop if I know that mom will be very sad when she finds out that I stopped studying just because of her illness. 

I am now thinking carefully about what I should do. Especially now that I am the only one who supports my studies while mom is still in the hospital. 

I went into a coffee shop. I only work part-time. So wages are too low. I was so short and I couldn't save the money mom needed for the operation from my coffee shop salary.

I looked at the door when it suddenly opened. I smiled sadly as I sighed when I saw mom's doctor. "Good morning, doc," I greeted him, followed by a girl wearing a white uniform. A female nurse came in and approached mom while the doctor approached me. 

"You're here, how are you?"

"Yes, Doc, I'm visiting mom," I replied.

"It's good because she's often looking for you. She's always asked if you came here? Or visiting while she's asleep." Doc told me as we both turned to look at mom. 

I know mom is frequently looking for me too. I haven't been able to visit her in a long time. I was busy at school and I always went to the coffee shop to work.

Mom still doesn't know that I always went to the coffee shop and work while I also go to school. She would get angry and stop me from working if she discovered. Mom will tell me to focus on my studies. 

Maybe she can't do anything that she wants either, especially now that she's sick. My situation now was no longer the same. I had a mother working for me and supporting me. Now it's all the other way around. So I have to work hard while mom is here healing.

"That's right, doc. I knew she would look for me. I'm just too busy with my studies, especially since I'm graduating this year. So I focused first, especially since I know mom would be worried when she found out that I was neglecting my studies." 

It was hard to tell my mom's doctor that my mom's situation is very hurting me, but I could no longer hide from him the sadness I felt while I spoke to him.

"I know, your mom knows that too. And you don't have to worry about your mom while she's here. She better be here, not at home to make sure that she's safe. Because if she was at home you can't stop your mother from earning money while she is sick." Said my mom's doctor. 

I nodded, I also knew he was right. Mom feels sick but she still insists on working for my education. Mom doesn't want me to neglect my studies. So even though she feels so much pain, she just ignores it. She ignores everything because she knows I'll just worry and I'll be forced to stop her from working. 

And that's exactly what happened when she was rushed to the hospital because of high fever and mom suddenly fainted while going to work.

"Of course, doc," I said. 

"How's my mom, Doc?" His face turned to me. 

"She is fine, as I told you earlier. She's okay."

"I am happy to hear that from you, doc. I'm always worried for her." I replied. 

Mom's doctor breathed. 

"The one I mentioned to you, have you decided yet?" He also asked, looking back at mom. 

I also took a breath. Until now, that is my big problem. So that's the reason why I really can't get here.

"Doc. I will confess to you. So far I still don't get any money for mom's operation. At school, too, I was struggling with my expenses. Even if it's embarrassing, is it okay for me to ask for enough time so that I can find a way?" I begged.

Except for mom's cost of the operation. There are a few more the doctor mentioned to me that should be done before the operation. A biopsy is included to determine if the lump that grew on mom's back is cancerous. Otherwise, mama's doctor wants to remove it in conjunction with mama's mild operation, the removal of pus from the wounds on mom's leg to get rid of the swelling of her thigh. So that I don't have to worry about mom's frequent fever.

"Okay go ahead, but make sure you find a way. We also need to operate on your mom's sore leg. And I've noticed her..." he pauses, he cuts what he wants to say. 

Then he continued to speak. "But you don't have to worry. All we need first is her biopsy, that's all you need, it's a very large amount and it's really hard for you, especially since you're still a student and your mom is working on it for you. But, I know that God is merciful, you can also make a way, especially for your mother." Said Doc, tapping one of my shoulders. I burst into tears. 

It was embarrassing that he saw the tears fall in my eyes.

"Thank you, Doc, I hope so, I'm praying," I replied. Wiping the tears that dripped from my eyes. Doc handed me a handkerchief. I was even surprised when I stopped wiping my tears when I noticed him abducting his pocket. Then when he pulled it out, he handed me the red handkerchief and said that it was clean and I can use his handkerchief.

He said again. It is for me, a remembrance from him. 

Doc got to joke. I couldn't help but smile at his joke as tears fell in my eyes. 

Doc also said goodbye, to go around to the other patients. 

I took a deep breath after Doc and I talked, and he said a few more things. That's why my tears kept falling. 

Mom was still asleep, I was standing on the side of her bed when I thought of pulling a chair and sitting down. I leaned on mom's arm as I held one of her hands and then whispered. Mom, get well. I will make a way. Don't worry, I said, I didn't notice my eyes closed while I spoke to my sleeping mom. 

I also fell asleep.