Mr. Halston

Life isn't about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself. Life is just like a Ferris wheel… still going round and round, still back and forth. Until you just get bored and go with the flow with it.

I sat down on my small sofa and just threw the socks I used everywhere once I lit my cigarette and blew there.

"More than 17 million people have been vaccinated against covid-19 here in the Philippines. The government's target is to be able to vaccinate— "

I never finished the news and picked up the remote and moved it to the other station. My ears are getting tired of hearing the news about that covid thing, which until now there is still no good solution.

I just look at the small table in front of me because my cellphone was ringing again. Sh*t, who is this again? I put my cigarette in the ash tray and answered the call first.

"Man, it's my day off—"

"Demet—"

"Fuck off man, it's Dem. I only use that name at night," I said angrily and messed up my own man's hair.

Why else would I be a woman? Shocks.

"Alright, alright. Chill, okay? You are too high blood," he said with a laugh on the other line, "Anyway, someone will move things now just around the corner, near your house. So? Game? " I immediately smiled because of what he said. I first put out my cigarette in the ash tray and took my jacket near the table while I was also wearing my black cap.

"I can really count on you, you jackass, but is it worth it?" I laughed and went back to get my black mask.

"Yeah, you can count on me. But, don't hope that much, 'kay? We are just baggers, where can you find a freighter that pays a lot, huh? " I immediately burst out laughing and just cut off the call. I was just shrugged.

Maybe if I didn't have this idiot next to me, I probably wouldn't have a destination in my life now. I first took a black face mask again and put alcohol on my hand. I even brought alcohol for that idiot.

He doesn't care as much about covid and alcohol is not a trend for him.

****

"Gasper!" I called him and he immediately waved at me back. I immediately winced at his reaction. Why does this idiot seem to have more fun? We're just going to carry things, and then he still has the appetite to smile broadly?

"So gross… don't make me smile like that, Gasper, it's like you're a r*pist." I smiled and helped him lift a box. He was about to help me but I looked at him and gave him a death stare.

"Try to help me once and you'll regret it. Are you that happy, huh? Stupid." He immediately laughed at what I said and we just entered the gate to finish our work.

***

"Thank you so much for your help, here is my payment to both of you." Manang immediately handed us 250 pesos. It's small, but it's a big help to me.

"Thank you very much Manang," Gasper said with a smile to the old woman. Manang immediately turned her gaze to me from head to toe, so that's the reason why I immediately felt unconscious of my clothes and I just put on my cap and face mask again.

I hate attention.

"You're beautiful sister, it's a pity and you're a lesbian and you like girls like you." I just didn't say a word. Maybe if only you were my age who said that to me, I would be able to fight you back. But my heart is really soft when it comes to the elderly.

"Are you okay?" I immediately turned my back and saw Gasper's worried face, "Yes, I'm fine." I simply answered him and we left there.

I have to scramble for my Mom's medications, especially now that the end of the month is near. We will pay again for our bill for her room and medication every day.

I just looked in the mirror in front of me. Loose caramel t-shirt and a faded jeans short, which is only up to my knees. Maybe. It's the best choice to be a lesbian? I guess.

I just look at my watch, "It's already afternoon," as I immediately turned my attention to Gasper who is busy ordering pastilles. The government has allowed public places like malls and restaurants to open, but still we must implement social distancing thingy.

I just smiled out of nowhere when I saw Gasper waving at my behavior. This man really is, he doesn't care about those around him. How many women are looking at him? I can't really count how many they are. Is he that handsome? He's handsome though.

But yes, I must admit the he has the model aura and the dayum hot body. I wish I also have mine too.

I just sighed and turned my eyes away. That's right, this restaurant doesn't have a window because it's an open place. I would have emote.

"Dem, here's your's." I was surprised by the sudden appearance of Gasper in front of me.

"What the—have you been there before?" I was annoyed and I reached for the pastil and just took the soy sauce at the same time I reached for the cucumber.

"I've been calling your name earlier, but you're just stupid there and not in yourself." He immediately looked at what I was doing and seemed to follow the movement of my hand. My forehead immediately twitched because of what he was doing.

Has he not eaten in the pasture yet? Or, is he just not really skilled?

"Is this your first time eating here Gasper? I thought… we're just like stomach worms? " he was immediately depressed because of what I said so I immediately reached for the water.

"Fuck, Dem. Do you really need to mention the word worms? The man is eating oh? " I immediately taken aback because of what he said.

'He act, like a woman. Geez.'

"Fine, sorry, it's like you're not used to it. It's okay if you prefer restaurants, you should have told me earlier so we can eat there. " I stared back at him for a long time.

"No, it's okay, there's no case there and it's not my first time right? What am I rich? That's all I can afford. " I just smiled because of what he said. We just resumed our meal.

****

We are currently walking back home. I met Gasper for a long time at the club where I work, I thought he was going to get drunk then. He was just a barista there.

"Do you really have to work at that club, Dem? But… You might get hurt? " I immediately stopped walking and soon resumed.

"If I had to choose a job with a high salary, I would never really work at that club Gasper," he immediately stopped what I said so I immediately frowned and looked at his direction.

"What if I help you find a more decent job?" he seriously replied to me that I rey feel like he was going to cry. I immediately laughed because of what he said. I took off my face mask first so that I could speak properly and laugh and turned my gaze to him.

"Stop right there, brad, are you kidding? I'll only see you once at the club because your job as a bar tender there isn't steady, then you'll offer me a job? Gosh, go to sleep first— "

"I'm not kidding Demetria." I immediately lost my smile on my lips when he mentioned my name in full.

"S-Sorry," he added. He immediately apologized to me. He knows as much as I don't want anyone to mention my name Demetria.

"You don't know what my reason is, Gasper, so don't talk to me like that." I told him without any emotion on my face and I put my face mask again and started walking.

I intentionally hit his shoulder because I was really annoyed with him. Gosh!

"Is it because of the money? Do you want money? I'll give you! Just get out of there for your job, Dem! Get of that club!" he shouted loudly at me causing people to look in our direction.

I immediately turned to him violently and sneered at him so he coughed in no time.

"Two years, we've known each other Gasper for freaking, two years. I thought you already knew my personality very well. But no, I was totally all wrong, what now if I just do it all for money? Will I be given money for my pride, huh? This is only the way I can survive with the reality of this cruel word we are living in." I just smiled bitterly.

"Sometimes, even if we don't like something, we will accept it with our eyes closed in our lives. We have different reasons in life, so don't judge the character of some lightly just because of what you see with your own two eyes. "

I was about to step away from him when he suddenly touched my wrist and held it tightly.

"I-I'm sorry, Dem," he still had a hard time saying. I punched hard even though I was a woman. Gender is not the basis.

I immediately withdrew his hand and look back at him again at the same time raising my left eyebrow. "Just show me your face again if your brain is working properly." I did not hesitate to look back to where he was.

I promised myself that I would never give my trust to any man or man close to me. But here I am now and furious because of what he said. Maybe… I was also traumatized by the abandonment that Dad's did to us so this is how I became.

More peaceful. There is no trouble and no lover, because I am a lesbian in their eyes. I wasn't really like this before. My outlook on life is very different from today. But this is the reality and I have to face it wholeheartedly.

I just walked to the house where I was staying. It's a pity because I'm still going to ride. Gasper also offered it to me, it's cheap because you only have to pay 500 pesos per month, I'm asking myself why it's so cheap? Already cemented, fully equipped.

I just entered the house and locked the door. I went straight to the couch and removed my cap and mask.

I immediately threw my body on the small sofa that was just right for my body and did not hesitate to not cook more dinner. It's just a waste of money, I'll just eat tomorrow for breakfast as well.

"I'm so tired with everything…" I said softly to myself and I didn't realize that little by little my eyelids were getting heavier and my own drowsiness had eaten me up.