Hoplite

What a long flight.

Shit this is boring.

Who woulda thunk that staring at literal darkness for hours on end would be entertaining.

[Easy trials 3: ]

WARRIOR {LVL 10} ]

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Man.

Lvl 10.

Level: 9

Status points Available: 0

Stats:

Vitality: 4

Strength: 6.3

Agility: 2.4

Intellect:1.2

Mastery Rank: 0 (loser)

I'm only lvl 9.

Damn.

Zowza even.

I mean it doesn't hurt to try does it? Its only life and death.

Shieeeet lessa go.

[Loading...]

[Are you sure? Detected level lower than dungeon level]

[Yes] [No]

Of course I'm sure.

Hehe.

[Loading...]

"UWAHH!"

"UWAHH!"

"RAHHHH!"

I am already regretting the decisions of both of my lives.

A deep pained voice screams out, fire flies over my head and arrows blot the sky.

The screams of war sound out and the fog of shed blood hangs low to the ground like a crouching serpent.

Inside the ring of battle a singular man in dented and beaten bronze armor stares at me dumbfounded.

"What hideous thing is this? Another spartan beast? With even grosser armor."

The plumed helmed man takes a spear from a corpse and points it at me.

"HERE I COME SPARTAN!"

[Wounded Macedonian Hoplite LVL 11]

Lvl 11?

THE DUNGEON TAB WAS FUCKING CAPPIN' !

A javelin flies past my head.

I equip my axe and hold it up in a guarded stance, keeping my feet apart.

"Ha! A barbaric Germanic weapon? Let me guess, a mercenary?"

The hoplite takes another javelin from the quiver on his back and chucks it at me, it glances my leg and rips some latex off.

Damn that hurt!

My turn, I'm gonna make this guy my bitch!

I charge forward with quickstep and the hoplite seems unimpressed.

He blocks my attacks easily with his bronze spear, that seems to be made of a magical material.

"Pfft, dont make me bored."

Before I can even react the butt end of the spear slaps across my face.

Blood chokes out from my mouth, I spit and rekindle my stance.

Who the hell trained this guy? Arnold Schwarzenegger?

I ignite my axe wich seems to surprise the bastard, I charge forward and use Strong Hit, the bronze spear dents inward and the hoplite grits his teeth in pain.

I kick him in abdomen, sending him back and shooting the spear out of his hand.

"GO CRAIG-SAMA, STANDO POWA!' "

A red phantom shoots out from my body.

The hoplite rears back in fright but still manages to draw his short sword.

"FOUL SHAMAN!"

Craig makes a valiant effort but he gets bitch slapped by the sword and dies instantly.

"YOU KILLED THE COMIC RELIEF YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

The hoplite charges me with his sword.

"WHAT THE HADES ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"

I take the axe and slam it down, my feet lifting off the ground from the impact.

The hit reverberates against the metal armor.

The hoplite shoots blood from his mouth.

"Ha, he. ha."

The hoplite laughs while blood pours from the slits of the helmet.

He stands up and staggers.

His hand slowly peels the helmet back.

A femboy looking man with long black hair sneers at me.

"Ha! I knew I would battle a trap eventually!"

The hoplite flips out and screams.

"ARES! SEE HOW THIS HERETIC TARNISHES YOUR FIELD OF BATTLE?"

A red lightning bolt strikes the warrior, a crimson energy swirls around the femboy. He holds an ethereal short sword and shield.

"OF COURSE A GREEK GOD WOULD SUPPORT A FEMBOY IN HIS TIME OF NEED THE IRONY IS PALPABLE!"

A loud crack of thunder shoots out when I state this, a distant.

"I'm not gay stop saying I'm gay Hera!"

Sounds from the sky.

Hehe, totally gay.

"IM NOOOOTTT!!!?!?!?"

Hehe.

The hoplite dashes forward at me.

2 can play the red powerup game bucko.

"KAIO-KEN!"

A red aura shoots out from my body, my bones creak as the energy soars.

I leap forward and slash my axe out. The hoplite blocks but the energy of his shield wanes in comparison to mine, I guess I weakened Ares' blessing by calling him a boy lover.

The hoplite trap let's out a scream of rage and soon the red aura leaves his body.

Sweat drips down my forehead, I can feel my breath getting haggard.

If this isn't over soon I'm gonna run out of steam and this train is running on fumes already.

"Fucking Styanax cosplayer, I'm gonna whip a boys ass today."

The hoplite weakly unsheathes a dagger.

He points it out at me.

"Come closer and die you brute, I am your reaper!"

Pffft hehehehehehhehehe, bitch. Ur bout to die.

He limps at me with indomitable will, too bad none of these dungeon bosses are actually sentient and are just constructs, almost making me feel bad.

..

..

"Hahhh."

The hoplite peels the rest of its armor off.

eh.

2 small bumps protrude from 'his' chest.

"Wait you were a woman the whole time? Eh. Still gonna kill you."

As I finish a distant voice booms out.

"SEE HERA IM NOT A BOY LOVER LOOK AT THAT STRONG GIRLBOSS!"

Lightning surrounds the woman and her eyes go black.

FUCK WHY DID IT TAKE ITS ARMOR OFF! AT THIS POINT IF SHE TAKES HER UNDETSHIRT OFF IM IN DEEP!

With a surge of energy I get bombarded with attacks from an ethereal scimitar.

The attacks are unruly and weak but at the same time testing my guard and reflexes, deep and small cuts make blood seep all over my armor.

"FUCKING BITCH WOMAN GO MAKE A SANDWICH!"

I slap her across the head with the butt of my face wich sends her down to the ground instantly.

YES!

I smash down and feel my blade connect with spine and soon her chest and legs are 2 parts.

As a true leader of equality and feminism, I will gladly cut this dishwasher in half.

Craig squeaks from the ethereal plane with revengeance, a single tear shedding from my eye from his beautiful speech.

[You won!]

Ares screams out.

"MY GIRLBOSS! I GAVE HER .001% OF MY POWER, THAT GERMANIC PIG WITH HIS BADASS WAR GODS!"

I close my eyes and unequip my axe, I take some breaths and wipe sweat off my brow.

HEY WHERES MY LEVEL UP.

[A greater foe must be slain.]

FUCK WHAT?!?!?!?

[Rewards being generated]

[Rolling reward]

[Rare- reward [Basic owl kagune Lvl:1] acquired]

NEVERMIND SYSTEM I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

Before I wake up a small steaming pain comes from my shoulder.

A large sharp tentacle comes forth and a small red strip of a cloak steams off of the back most of the kagune.

I stretch it out a bit, retracting and pulling it out over and over.

All In all having an extra limb is epic, I imagine as I level up I will get more and the full body armor the original owl had.

For now, time to go home and get Drum healed up.

I wake up covered in blood as usual. I get in the shower and clean up, when I go to clean up I almost shit myself.

My face doesn't look like mashed peas anymore.

My kagune healed all the scars on my face and filled in the places where there should be flesh, I now looks similar to my past self, just bald and more grizzled.

Holy shit, IM NOT SUPER UGLY. Eh

I'm not handsome either like my past self this is bullshit, why can't grineer grow hair godamnit.

As a wise man once said

"For one to get bitches, one needs the drip."

- Jhan He, Chinese explorer.

I need drip, and to get drip I need hair again. But how does one grow hair?

Eh.

I'm tired.

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Chapterly song suggestion: Happy? - Mudvayne