AT THE EDGE OF LIFE

Like every customary day of my 27 years life, today too begin with bird twittering outside from garden. Mild nosies coming from neighborhood, mostly is the sound of chit-chat and cheesy laugh. Around me everyone, everything is frisky, buzzing except this house and my heart. Even the garden next to my room is also evergreen along with it's beloved scent of Jasmine and Sumire.

Though how much it would be cherishing or kind, it unable to satisfy me. My life from teenager to adult has always been isolated from reality. I was thrown away by my father when I was just fifteen. However, I was fortunate that he didn't sell me for money.

As being fifteen, I was just a student. That time, I didn't have anything, no money for eating, no place to sleep and was far from thinking about my studies. Without any choice, I had to beg in the street, most significantly I had to become a snatcher. Oh, it's really funny to think who never kill a moth all of sudden threaten people with sharp knife. Ah... I wondered how I passed that hellish life.

Then one day an old lady picked my bruise, fragile body out of anywhere... I don't know. I was some kind of ragged doll that barely had any breath left. Obviously, beaten black and blue to death who could have alive but my bad luck... I did.

Kajumi - chan took me for the first time in this house, she adore me like her own blood. But there was for her own selfishness as she hadn't had anyone to call family. That's why she loved me as if I was her long lost son. But that time I didn't care as long as I get a place to sleep and a bowl of rice, it was fine with me.

By time it slowly becomes my home and that old woman became a part of me who I can call my family. Just like that feeling I got before my mother died. We were a sweet family of four. Anyways everything has shattered after my mother gone. And afterwards when I again started to enjoy the same emotion of having love one, I felt for the same trick; once again. Snatch kajumi - chan and her affectionate care from me.

I can't never forget the day when she let out her last breath on my arms. I repeatedly witness another death. It was an odd and peculiar sensation of seeing a person how deliberately loosen it's body in a swift pulse and eventually there left only a calloused piece of flesh and blood. Sometimes I attempted to be one of the them, a soul without no body. In this way, I would have been liberal. Then again how much it atrocious at the end it is to hard too die.

And so, since her death I have been entrapped in this house which is no longer a sweet home with full of happiness. Though her enchanted garden is still here, spreading the same whiff as her. Moreover, amazingly it keeps reminding me that she must be here in any form she could manage.

After reminiscing all my past, a deep sough of overcome run off my mouth. Those tears which is falling from the corner of my eye down on pillow, quickly wiping them I went up from bed and slide one & only floor to ceiling window through which I can take a clear sight of the magic of kajumi - chan green fingers.

Then I helplessly clear up the whole mess I created last night. Getting drunk and hooked up with any slut nowadays has been a habit of mine. And I didn't care if it was girl or boy as long as I have a body. Well there was different for boy I had to be under and for girl I had to be over her. Anyway, let's skip this , there nothing to describe.

Nevertheless, I have some writing to do. Being a writer maybe awesome but at the same time it's really pain in the neck. You might be asking then why do I choose this creative stuff... well, what could I have done. I don't have any education or any certificate to get a decent job.

As a result, I stick to writing but there also one reason, why I choose this. From my childhood, I saw my mother read a lot of books of poem and stories as if they were medicine without reading them she can't live. Thus, she inspired me to become a writer.Like her, I too started to read her books though I couldn't understand how she mesmerized by those writing on the other hand I couldn't get a single point.

Ah, I really missing her laughter over me, everytime I had gone to her with problem, she gently used to be tousled my hair and had said, " Oh! Meiji, that just a small thing, come here you will catch it by second. " then she had somehow made a strange sound with snapping her middle finger and thumb. Everytime she did that surprising me.

" Woof, again. " I grip a fistful of my long shaggy hair. It have been pretty long and right now dangling on my waist maybe I should cut them. In daze, when I enter in my washroom I never notice. I splashed water on my face for many times so that my sleepy eyes and daydreaming mind could come back in real world.

Walking out from washroom, I looked up at clock, it is 10'o clock sharp. Seiko - san might be on his way. Well, I forgot to tell, Kobayashi Seiko is my editor from past six years. He is very much strict and punctual when it comes to work. Whatever I do or wherever I go he doesn't have any interest in them at all. All his diversion is about my story. Though it is Irritating sometimes yet I like his not concerning attitude towards my ' Personal Matter '.

However, I am really confused about my wants and needs. I like to being interfere by someone, who support me, save me from this cursing loneliness meanwhile I don't really want it because once again someone will leave me, again and again I have to taste deeper depression.

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