Milligan’s shadow

When I woke up , I was dreadful .The silence stretched out into an endless abyss as the darkness stared back at me , the cold drowned me as I looked around in hopelessness , emptiness. Every once in a while I would feel a flicker of warmth , of light but it disappeared so quickly , I learned to never wait for it .

I was brought to life by my nana , a lonely lady with nothing to spare but silk and thread . By the time my body started moving I was a plush of ivory and midnight silky hair. When I asked her why she looked so scared to see me, she ran down our cottage for hours before our neighbor brought her home, passed out and set her in her bed . His eyes were a soft milky brown , his skin bronzed by the sun and his hands rough and calloused , Mr Hetchworth .

" Who are you ?" He asked , his voice calm and kind . His expression , serene and curious . In my panicked state I quickly pulled myself together .

" Helena , Helena Sethern" I said in low melodious delight , this was after all the first time I had said my own name . It sounded beautiful , easy and smooth on my tongue .

" Is that so ? A relative of Miss Sethern I assume?" He continued on .

" oh , yes , my poor nana is suffering from quite the nasty flu these last days" I said, surprised at how easily the lie slipped through my lips .

" You do look quite pale yourself , don't you think ?" His hand patted my head as I drenched myself in the slight calm that spread over me .

" It is a bit cold over here , and we are out of wood" I said, brushing the splinters off my fingertips .No matter what , I was still not accustomed to this place , still not fully ready .

" Alright , I'll send my son over tomorrow. He should help you with this , remind me in case I forget alright ?" He said, handing over a warm smile as he waved off and exited our little house .

" Helena ?" My nana called as I was laying beside her waiting for her to wake up ,for her to realize that she had been mistaken that she harbored no need to run .

" Yes , na ?" I answered brushing a few hairs out of her face , tracing the deep lines of her wrinkles , she used to be so young , so pretty , such a shame that she ages so quick

" Why did you wake up ?" Her voice sends a chill through me , chilly and weird , as I felt a fire spark in my hollow insides .

"You wanted me to, didn't you?" I said letting my palm caress her face , the stitches she sewed through my skin gradually disappearing with each glide against her frail dermis.

" You wanted me to take care of you , didn't you? You begged the lord to give you somebody and look at me now na , you loved me to life .How can I seek any being other than you straightforward and first " I urge . Her hands slithering towards mine as her thin lips open and close in worried attempts .

" If you don't want me to stay , I will leave , I do not want to burden you my dear nana" I said, tears burning through my eyes , my head felt heavier, my skin tighter as my arms and legs went stiff. However in a split second I heard her sigh echo through the small chamber as she sat up and ordered me to bring her her sewing kit and glasses

" What are you doing Nani ? " I asked , eyeing her busy hands , and concentrated look .

" I might not be thrown off a few magic tricks but other people will . You my child are not normal , whether I loved you to life or not you are still hollow" she says her look piercing through me as my head clenches and my breaths slow down .

" Do not look so disappointed " she hummed " For I, my child ,am making you a heart" with that my hands threw themselves around her in a tight embrace as i settled beside her . The fire kindled weakly , and no matter how cold the room might have been, the fire in me had been lit again , and I could feel the light .

One week went by as my nana finished sewing my heart . It was a pretty ,soft plush red , nicely pulled together by baby pink string . In another week she took it to a glass craftsman then to an emblem stringer . My heart was wrapped in more than one way and I couldn't help but ask her

" why so many layers over my cushion nana ?" My face tilted in her hands as she was cutting my bangs with her featherlight touch .

" don't move ." She said sternly , her voice stoic . Then when she settled the scissors down she sighed her chest heaving clearly as she started " when I give you a heart sweetheart , I won't be able to keep you for myself anymore , then you will want to run free and explore the worlds . Then I could not hold you back because my years have gone far beyond me and I will not be there to protect you . So in my selfish attempt at keeping you in this world I put your heart in a layer of silk , glass , wax and steel so that no one would easily break your heart ." She said as she pulled my head to her chest , inside I could hear her heart beating steadily and as I put my palm to mine I couldn't help but imagine a living pulse , I could hear it ,feel it as my eyes cornered the brown wooden box on my nana's dresser .

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In a few months I was fairly settled in Holloway , I worked as a flower girl or a mannequin for some rich seamstresses . My nana never said anything about my work, she was happy to eat strawberry tarts and forest berries so we never broached the subject . When I woke up last week and felt an ache in my abdomen as I touched it ,Icould feel a stuffing swirling around , and I quickly jumped out of bed storming to my nana's room .Crying, I shook her till she awoke and started complaining about my lack of manners , but then I slammed her hand into my chest then my abdomen as my eyes terrifiedly roamed hers.

" my child …." Her smile had never relieved me more " you're just human now" she said and I collapsed then and there as I felt my heartbeat in my ears . In a few days I was up and walking again and was now known as my nana's goddaughter sent from the southern continent . She says that because of my pretty face and her wonderful handwork , it should be easy for me to make a living . I never knew what it meant ,so she just sent me out with a basket full of her garden flowers and I would come back with it filled in copper and silver coins " my lovely , lucky child" she would exclaim as she hugged me , then slowly took the basket from my hand and retired to her room . It was after a few days on the street that i met miss Anne " figurine girl !" She yelled her curls storming around her face , she had these blunt scars all along her sheets and somewhere on her nose and it was only when she stretched her hand out did I realize she was talking to me . " oh umm, hi" I stuttered .

" oh how sweet you are !"her voice was squeaky and loud but it wasn't unbearable in the least .

" you look just like a doll" her hands slapped her cheeks as they went pink " what do you say you come to my shop for a quick minute hm ?" Her eyes were a shiny emerald green and despite my refusal , I found myself on her purple couch surrounded by dozens of dresses of all colors and designs " what do you think ?" Miss Anne had asked, her hands firmly attached to her hips , her eyes sparkly and alight .

" they're all very pretty " i remarked sincerely , unlike many showcase dresses , hers were not too frivolous they rather claimed something resembling " less is more " the Jewels dangled in specific areas of the dresses allowing the rest of it's fabric to flow elegantly around the mannequin making it look as if it was dancing on it's own like some magic moved it through the crowds of the street as if it produced its own music on a lonely firelight .

" Would you like to model some of them for me?" Anne interrupted my gazing , looking hopeful and questioning and as a blush crept onto my face I realized that I would love trying on her dresses , unlike my nana's brown and beige white napkined rags , these dresses were like gemstones , rare and precious I thought about how many more flowers I would sell if I could wear one of them .

" Look at you , all shy and precious , I'll tell you what . If you model seven of these dresses for my next client I'll have two especially tailored for you !~" her voice heightened .

At that moment I could only think of how the dresses swayed with every customer that entered the store as one of the clerks ushered them in with a smile and I quickly nodded in acceptance .

" My ,oh my aren't you becoming active" Miss Anne then chuckled , I didn't understand the quick melodrama of emotions yet, but she seemed like a big mix of rainbows and flowers ,like fresh sunlight . So I got up and was quickly helped into the first of many dresses to come …

Since then , I had become one of " chance boutique"'s many clerks , I had been taught to smile and bow , my hair and body had been kept in tip top shape and whenever a top client came in I was always the one to showcase the client's catalog . The reasoning behind this was that Anne believed that because of my slim yet proportionate body I made the dresses look like they came out of a fairytale , my beauty was not so striking that it overshadowed the dress , but it was alarming enough so that the onlooker would believe that the dress wore me and not the other way around .With our deal of ten dresses per pair , I was pretty satisfied with my model and employee salary which was in all honesty all that I was concerned about . In a year I completely quit the streets and worked in a flower shop along with the boutique and my life had come to a peaceful Halt and besides myself being seventeen of age , I was still new to the mannerisms of this community , though I got to familiarize with it , through my different jobs .

My nana grew older yet brighter as we spent more time together in her garden , she always said that she would have loved to be flower girl , or create a new job in the seamstress area , but she never could , because no matter how creative she had gotten with her puppets and dolls , she never tried to reinstate her pieces after quitting her old job and settled for selling miniature figurines .

Holloway was always so lively with laughter of children and grown-ups alike, it was only with chilled horror that I looked at those eyes cold and merciless as they ravaged our roads , stole our foods and burned our homes as I scurried into the backbone of the village , stilled of trees stretching into the sky trying in a useless attempt to escape the stench of death and burning fabrics .

As my legs drag endlessly through the mud i can hear the whispers crowding my thoughts , the giggles of the forest echoing through me , and as i finally reach a light a soft , loving breath is blown into my face and the fire goes out .