1 The Beginning, The Tribulations, The End

I woke up one night with that familiar sensation down there, hurrying me to get to the bathroom. Seeing no light leaking below my rooms curtain I checked my phone for the time...3:00 IN THE MORNING?! Why is my bladder bothering me this early damnit? Sighing woefully at myself for drinking so much Red Bull the night before, I begrudgingly roll out of my bed....just to fall forehead first into a lego Darth Vader. SHIIIT that hurts way more than it should, I swear next time I see my little brother...ಠ_ಠ. Rubbing my now likely bruised forehead, and hoping this doesn't result in a headache, I push myself up off the floor and head to the door. HMM, what do you know, there's the FOOKEN LEG OF MY BED SUCKERPUNCHING MY BIG TOEE. Wincing and leaning over my bed, I start breathing like a woman in labor, half out of pain and half in anger. What the hell is happening?? First Vader, now my bed, next thing you know my walls are going to start attacking me!! Taking one last deep breath I bring my foot up the bed to examine it...yep, that nail wants to come off. Dude whatever, I'll deal with that in the morning, that's a tomorrow problem (¬_¬). My bladder now in emergency mode I carefully but hurriedly limp over to the door, CAUTIOUSLY passing my bed and swinging the door open, daring my house to injure me again! I walk out, looking left and right as I would for incoming traffic, I no longer feel safe in my own house (*´-`). Taking a right I can see the entrance of the bathroom, that beautiful loo, that mesmerizing dunny, that lascivious lavato—REEEEEEEE what the hell was that!! Groaning in agony, I cradle the left side of my head, steeling my watery eyes. Creaking my head towards this evil painting, I can feel my own murderous intent radiate....towards a cow. My mom, weirdly obsessed with cow paintings, has them framed all over the house. I knew the day would come where they would turn on me, that smug look in its eyes belittled me, saying "Whachu gon do bout it fool step up". I don't have time for this ignoramus, my sphincter muscles are threatening to fail me! I sprint to the bathroom only to slip on the loose rug in between the sinks, falling facefirst onto the doorframe with a loud WHACK. Now bleeding from my brow, my left ear swelling dangerously, my forehead bruised, and my big toenail cracked like my skulls frontal bone; I resign to my fate on this cold tile floor. My sphincter relaxing, I feel my bladder contract. This is it, is this karma? Is this because I tked in R6S yesterday? The warm stream overflows, rushing down my thigh and onto the floor. Urine reaching my eyes, I start to cry like a baby getting his first vaccine shot. Urine flowing, tears flowing, blood flowing, snot flowing. I fall to unconsciousness a flowing mess, melting into my own fate.

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