1 Ch.1 Look Back

The place stinks of blood, but I had gotten used to it. My white dress wasn't white anymore. I had basic armory with me. But I brought this upon me. I chose this life. I chose love over life. But doesn't that make me worthy? Doesn't that make me worthy of heaven? All this fool could ever do was to love.

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(10 months ago)

Even though I didn't sleep much last night, my morning was great. Because I knew it was the day I felt extra special. My birthday.

Welcome to my life. I'm Cassandra.I bet it's boring, but everyone thinks their life is boring anyway.

All my life I've been a silent , little girl who sat in the first bench of the class and got bullied for being nice . But I don't fall. I am a strong christian believer. Jesus was always there for me. He was always my guardian. It's true that I get bullied for being a devotee. Well, high school messes you up no matter what you do. At least, I get bullied for what I believe in and what I like.

Every year on my birthday I go to the church early morning. I didn't break the tradition this year either.

After the mass, I was returning back to home. That's when I saw a mysterious person walking by. He wore black clothes and had his head covered. He was walking towards me in a strange way and my heart began to beat rapidly.

Why is he walking towards me? Did I do something? Was he coming to attack me? Was this the time I've always been terrified of?

He came onto me and passed a piece of paper.

"What is this ?" I enquired.

He did not even seem to bother about my question.

The paper was red, sticky and reeked of blood. He left as soon as I grabbed it. I opened it to read it. 'MATHEW 4:8' . What was the quote? I had always enjoyed reading the Bible but I was bad at remembering quotes. I wanted to refer to the Bible but I was running late for school. Maybe later.

I took the paper anyway and returned home. My first instinct was to hide it in my wardrobe . I left for school.

As usual I was the first one to enter my class. I had to face all of my classmates' offensive comments while they passed me by. I didn't have one friend who supported me. But I never felt lonely, whenever I did, I held onto the cross and it went away.

Like any other high school student , I too had a crush on someone. Carter, he was nice. The only person who didn't curse at me. But he didn't talk to me either. He never noticed me. But I always had my eyes stuck on him.

Carter had this really attractive hazel eyes hidden by his bushy eyebrows.He was extremely tall that he had to bow down to enter the classroom. He wore his long brown silky hair in a ponytail. His shoulders spread too wide as in to fit two of me inside his arms.

He was a kind guy . He is in the Christian support group, that's the only place where we meet.But we've never had the chance to have a talk. He helps others whenever he gets a chance. I was drawn towards his kind gestures.

After my Physics class, I was walking through the corridor when suddenly Carter came onto me.

"Are you going to the rooftop?"

I replies 'yes' even though I wasn't! I couldn't say no to his glowing eyes which were captivating.

He smiled at me and gave me a book. He said to pass it to his friend Isabelle.

I never liked Isabelle, she used to bully me in middle school. But I couldn't refuse. It was the one and only favor Carter ever asked of me!

As I walked through the steps , I could see the entire gang of Isabelle sitting there. I was frustrated and nervous at the same time.

She smirked the second she saw me and pocked her friend to show off my pathetic face. I went straight towards her and passed on the book.

"Hey Cassandra! what brings you here ...

no not this book! "

she said and laughed with the other girls.

I lifted my face after a long time and looked at the front cover page of the book. It was an erotic magazine! Carter gave it to me ?!

Isabelle started to pick on me.

"You will never ever talk to anyone about this, got it? "

She poked me with her sharp nails. I nodded, She asked me to raise my head but I didn't. She got angry. She raised her hand to slap me, I suddenly blocked her hand and she got furious.. She pushed me hard ,

as I drifted back ,I accidentally stamped a girl's foot .

She rose from her seat and kicked me in an instant. I fell off the rails of the rooftop .

I was falling down ...

down ...

down...

Everyone's scream pierced my ears.

Next second, my mind went blank and all I could hear was ambulance horns.

Darkness filled my eyes.

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I slowly tried to open my eyes. My head hurt . I couldn't get up . The place was sticky and dirty. I opened my eyes and looked around. I could only see red . I was lying on a bed of blood. I felt someone poking my leg. I got up, surprised. I didn't know where I was or who I was with. I peeked at the person.

His face was terrifying. He had only one eye. There was a deep bloody hole in the second eye socket. I screamed because I was scared and clueless at the same time. I ran like anything , but the fatigue didn't let me run for miles. My legs were weak. I found no window, no door and no end to this misery .

I sat there in the blood. I had wounds in my ankle and wrist.

As I sat there in the darkness, I felt the pain of solitude like never before. I felt the pain of misery like never before, I felt the pain of eternity.

I heard a sound from deep within, that my heart uttered endlessly. "Fear" .

'Fear'..... It grasped my mind with a lock and I couldn't escape it. The fear was present in my wounds that shed blood , it was present in my vocal cord that was dead , it was present in the darkness I saw everywhere, it was present in my eternal life, my scary eternal life.

I realized where I was, a place where I never anticipated to go or tried to go. My life and the struggle was over , but for another eternal evil life. I was in

'Hell'