11 Chapter 11

Letter from my father

I am writing this letter, because I know I am one of the worst fathers. My love turned out to be the villain in my son’s life. I didn’t know when all this happened, but I lost my best friend, my son, and this was something which had a tremendous impact on both of us.

You will be thinking, I am a fool. So what if my son fell in love, so what if he married a girl whom he loved, so what if you didn’t become an engineer? But what to do about feelings and emotions which do not understand, when understanding is needed the most.

I remember the day Ash was born. He became my reason to live. I love my wife a lot, But not more than Ash. You can call me a possessive father, but yes, it was true. I wanted my son to be my shadow. I wanted everyone in this world to know him and know me as his father.

Yes, I am selfish because I wanted myself to be known as his father and that was not only my desire. I wanted to live with him forever. I wanted him to take care of me when I got old. And what was my mistake? Every parent has desires from their children, and so did I.

He loved Eva, and I noticed the same on the day when we met her the first time in school with him. The body language of Ash, his eyes, his voice reflected how much he loved her. I was never against his choice, or I must say, I was proud of his decision. I remember that day, I came home and congratulated my wife, saying that our son had grown up.

He cycled outside her society every evening; it was not something I didn’t know, but being a father, I wanted him to enjoy his teenage years, though without getting his studies or his aim affected. He was doing very well in his studies, and so I never had any objection. For me, I was the most successful father. My son was studying well; he had a beautiful and intelligent girlfriend; everything was well placed and settled. But then Ash made a mistake by taking arts. It’s not that I wanted to oppose his wish, but I knew how much he loved mathematics and engineering. Just that I never understood that he loved Eva more than both of them. I got blind and could not see his love for her.

That night, at the time of dinner, I didn’t want to create a scene in front of his in-laws, but I got annoyed finding Ash not eating non-vegetarian food, which once used to be his favorite. For me, it was the influence of his wife and his in-laws, and that was something that triggered me. I thought he would support me, but he stood his ground. In fact, it was the first time he raised his voice against me. I wanted to cry, but controlled myself as I didn’t want to seem weak in front of others. He walked out in anger, which he had never done before. I wanted to stop him, but my ego restrained me.

After Ash left, it was the first time that Eva spoke openly to me, and still with respect and love. I respect her for that. She told me how much Ash loved me, she told me about the greeting cards which they had made daily and left on the bench. She explained the efforts he was making to come closer to me. I broke down hearing her words. I had not been neglecting his efforts to reach me, but I was growing old and recently had my cataract operation. Ash may not know, but I can’t read clearly now. That was the reason I ignored all the cards on the bench. I threw them all, thinking they were waste paper. I am not a heartless father, who would not hug my child who was calling out to me with his words.

I could see tears in Eva’s eyes, While she was telling me the love she and Ash had for me and indeed got reflected in them. I could not let my tears stop hearing her and felt ashamed of my deeds. I asked Eva to call him and let me talk to him, but he was not carrying his cell phone. I understood the love and understanding they both had for each other when she informed me that Ash would be at the greater subway express. She correctly knew when he wanted to be alone.

Eva was happy as I hugged her. I wanted my family to be complete and asked her for the location. I also apologized to her parents. She could not travel along with me as a doctor had suggested rest, but she explained to me precisely the point where I could find ash. Her brother, joined me as we drove to the greater subway express.

I am a bad father, I never meant to be. I wonder if it’s just what happens when you take a love that strong and mix it up with ambition and fear. Like every decision ever made, they got based on the combination of the facts at hand and the personality involved. My ambition overtook my love and resulted in a sore relationship. I am moved to make things correct. I decided to hug him and say sorry to him.

While Jimmy (Eva's brother) was driving, I pulled out a tissue paper from the car – and scribbled a greeting card for Ash. I drew a man holding the hand of his son and wrote above it,

“There was a time when I showed you the way, but thanks to you for showing me the correct path, my son. I am sorry for all my mistakes. Love you, your dad.”

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