7 Entry Seven

September 19, 2015

These past few days have been confusing. Mr. and Mrs. Taylor said good morning to me when I went down to make breakfast earlier. They didn't even frown or reprimand me for waking up late. They just smiled, can you believe that? Why are they still treating me like a princess? It doesn't make any sense. I already told you my secret right? With the way I feel for Gared, I would never run nor fight back, even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to anyway.

I already know why they were being so careful before, but now that they've gotten me to agree, I don't know why they have to keep smiling and treating me like this.

I'm getting scared about the possibility that everything will be gone if I smile too much. I try to not smile or laugh a lot. Mr. and Mrs. Taylor said nothing good will ever happen if I smile too much, but I've been doing it a lot more these days, and I'm afraid I can't hold it anymore and something will happen again.

Today had been weirder than the rest though, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor asked me to rest for the day. They didn't slap, kick, shout, or frown my way all day. Everything feels like a dream and I'll probably wake up soon. It feels like I'm trapped and my feet are cemented to the ground. I can't run from what's about to happen but I want to.

I'm so happy, but I haven't smiled this much since, well, probably never, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor have warned me off it before, but now they said I should smile in front of Gared more, and they get angry when I don't. Mrs. Taylor said "how can we let our potential son-in-law think we're not treating you right? You have to show him how happy you are so that he'll like you more."

I don't really understand that sentence very well, but I think it means I have to keep our secret.

Notebook, what do you think about everything that's been happening? Ever since I first got you, nothing bad has happened. I feel like you're my lucky item. Do you think I should relax and just follow what they say?

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor mentioned that I would probably get married before high school graduation. They wanna get it over with as soon as possible so that they can get some money from Gared's parents. Is that bad? Should I try to fight? But I don't think my struggling a little bit will ever be considered as a fight.

Everything has been really confusing Notebook, but I'm glad I at least have you to comfort me these days. I know you can't talk to me but just having you around makes me feel warm.

I only have you and, I think, Gared's smile to keep me calm and in control. There has been no new bruise lately to help me calm down and pull me back to reality.