5 Entry Five

Sept. 17, 2015

It finally happened. I can't believe it. Mr. and Mrs. Taylor did have something up their sleeves. I knew they couldn't have been that nice to me without a reason. I finally know why I've been treated like a princess for the past few days.

I'm getting married. They're going bankrupt and I'm being sold. The Johnsons are a very wealthy family and Gared seemed to be interested in me so Mr. Johnsons suggested an arranged marriage. My engagement to Gared means we are going to be equally as wealthy as them, maybe even more so since we already have enough money as it is.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor sat me down earlier after confirming that I am in perfect condition without a flaw in sight. "You're marrying Gared, Mr. Johnsons' son." That was it. I was engaged and I don't even have a choice in the matter.

You can just tell by the way Mr. Taylor said it, that I should be happy someone would even think of taking me as his bride. I couldn't do anything, I just nodded and went up to my room without being dismissed. I would have been punished for that if it wasn't for the engagement. I wasn't really angry or sad, though, I was disappointed.

I was starting to believe that everything was real. The yells stopped, the bruises went away, and they even gave me a gift. Everything was just a ruse so that they could sell me in perfect condition. I felt like they made me wear a blindfold and I just let them be without a fight.

I knew that if I struggled, the shackles on my hands and feet would have never let me go anyway. I should have tried at least, but my brain somehow fried. I guess I'm just not very bright, and as time went by, somehow my fight just dried up. I've been raised to follow, after all. Saying no is something they would never allow, and I knew that I would have to agree to this engagement no matter what, it was never my choice.

Hey Notebook, you know my secret, I could never be against being together with Gared, but the fact that I actually believed they were finally starting to love me, no, I wasn't starting to believe it, I wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe everything was okay, I wanted to get that blindfold myself and cover my eyes, on my own. I wanted it so badly that I ignored every signal in my brain that screamed to be careful. To not hope too much and to watch out, because as much as I was used to the bruises on my body, I was also tired of hoping they could love me as their child.

I didn't understand how people couldn't understand that I loved them, and am grateful that they raised me. I'm their child, and I could never forget the feeling of entering this house for the first time. It felt like I was about to be a princess, well, that was until Mrs. Talor said I was actually a pauper. But still, I was amazed they thought of me like a pauper, cause I felt less than that.

They gave me clothes I could wear outside, a roof over my head with a bedroom, that although is not the one I slept in, I could show to others when they came over, claiming it as mine.

I'm greedy, even after everything they have given me, I still wanted more. I wanted them to smile at me and love me, as much as I loved them. Maybe accepting this ring will finally do it.

I need them to accept me, and if this ring was all it took, then I’ll gladly wear it for them.