8 Entry Eight

Sept 20, 2015

I'm scared. Mrs. Taylor gave me a hefty sum of money for the wedding, she told me to pick out my wedding dress by tomorrow.

This doesn't feel right, I don't know if I'm making sense or not but Mrs. Taylor giving me that much money makes everything feel so real. I'm gonna be separated from Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, the "family sessions" will stop.

Mrs. Taylor gave me a list of things I would have to prepare for the wedding. She said I am not allowed to make any decisions by myself as a lot of their friends and colleagues will be there, and they would like to avoid any mishaps from happening. I understand where she’s coming from. I tripped in front of their friends once. I couldn’t lie on my bed properly that day, as we had to do one of our “family sessions”.

Anyway, back to the list. First on the list is to pick out a dress for my wedding. I could only do that tomorrow, so, the next step will be flowers and invitations. Mrs. Taylor mentioned that the wedding will be grand and she would only accept elegant decorations for the whole event.

I have to be careful in picking out the flowers or else the thorns might end up on my skin. The invitations also have to be picked wisely or else, I’ll probably have paper cuts under my wedding dress. Although Mrs. Taylor has been very nice to me lately, I still feel as though I have to be careful.

Do I sound insane? Why do I keep second-guessing everything that’s been happening? Nothing bad has happened so far, since they told me that Gared and I will be married soon. All the “family sessions” we used to have, stopped. So why does it feel like a ball is still about to drop any minute now? Why do I feel like I have to be careful in every step I take, more so than before?

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor have said I was a disappointment countless times before, I wonder if going through this wedding will change that. Will they start greeting me good morning? Start smiling at me every time they see me?

I hope after marrying Gared I won’t be a disappointment anymore. Right now, I feel like I shouldn’t believe in that hope too much. I feel like the ground under me is unstable and should not be stood on just yet. I wonder if others will laugh at me because of my cautiousness. Others would be jumping for joy by now, I believe. Am I weird?

I really shouldn’t be daydreaming right now though, I have to go through the list given to me by Mrs. Taylor now. After the flowers and the invitations, I would have to get the guest list from Gared as well. I don’t have anyone to invite, after all. From our side, everyone invited will be the colleagues and friends of Mr. and Mrs. Taylor. Thank you for listening to me again.