1 Meaowww!!!

"I would rather not have any baby at all", said Pooja in a sorrowful tone. It was a lively conversation. We were having some beans and tea inside a cafe, when the topic of life and death popped up, "Why bring another being into this imperfect world and make her go through all the pain and suffering that I have gone through? It would not be fair to her." It almost sounded to me like Pooja regretted being born, but I understood her sentiment. What I didn't understand though, was how she knew it would be a girl. Just because she is a girl? What kind of logic is that? I farcically wondered to myself. That was when I realised something that I had always known about Pooja. As is the case with everyone else, Pooja's world is heavily tainted by her own little biases and inescapable personal truths. Our eyes blind us as much as they let us see. I could never tell Pooja what the world looks like through my eyes, and neither could I ever see the world through hers, and no one can tell which one is the truer one. Her thought patterns are as tailor-made as the glasses on her nose, yet ironically, they always seem so clear. How come they are always so clean? I have never once seen her taking them out to give them an occasional rub. Not even once! now that I think about it. When I wore glasses, I would at least take them off a few times during the day just to clean the sediments off. The fact that I have never seen her cleaning her glasses even once was a mystery on its own. Sometimes she reminds me of a cat walking around in human form.

I consoled Pooja by quietly drinking more tea. It is the only logical response by someone who has no real opinion about anything, but at least my tea was sugar-free. One less thing to worry about, I thought. Looking back at my own life, though, at all the highs and lows, joy and sadness, pleasure and pain, I thought, if one were to weigh all the positives against all the negatives that life had to offer, it feels as if the negative would overwhelmingly dominate the scale. Just imagine, I implored myself, even today, how many times have you laughed or smiled, and how many times have you felt anguish and emptiness? The answer is obvious. Why should that be so? I continued wondering, Would it have been better if I wasn't born at all? I had unknowingly started thinking along the lines of Pooja as I rode my old scooter through the dusty roads of New Road.

Though the day was bright and lively, my brain was out of funk. The heavy drink from the previous day had done its job well, thanks to Gaurab. "Bro, do you wanna have Ghatta1?", Drabya had asked on the phone. "Ofcourse!", I had replied unthinkingly. I don't know what Ghatta is, but I love Ghatta! In retrospect, the Ghatta was a huge mistake. I had known it had something to do with weed, but I had miscalculated how potent the grass would be. It was a tragic miscalculation. Gaurab and his team had boiled 5 liters of milk, added copious amounts of sugar, covered a large amount of weed inside a white cloth and had dipped it into the milk. The milk would soak the cloth, and extract juices from the weed within. For a moment, it looked like he was preparing an exquisite drink. "Wow, a unique type of milkshake!", I had thought as I gulped two beer-glasses full of it.

An hour later, instead of being high, I was messed-up. Reality constricted. My head became heavy. Disorientation set in. I could hear people speaking and walking around, but they felt distant. They were as real as characters on a comic-strip. It felt as if I was losing grasp of reality. My mind must have turned inward. A sense of fear gripped me, and it felt exactly how Daniel Kaluuya's character must have felt in the movie Get Out as he was being surreptitiously hypnotized by his girlfriend's mother. The scene where he falls from his chair into a black void portrayed my fears perfectly. I started becoming paranoid of the people around me. Reality seemed fainter and fainter and I had freaked out and worried if I was losing my mind.

I slowed down my vehicle and parked it beside a road where there was less traffic. I pulled the brakes and turned my head around to make sure no traffic policeman was around. I got off my bike and sat on one of the structures on the pavement without removing my helmet. The cars and motorcycles zoomed past me as I mindlessly breathed in the hot afternoon air mixed with exhaust gas. Thanks Kathmandu. My head was still heavy and it began to tilt forward, but my back was still erect. I was almost about to fall asleep when someone tapped on my shoulders. I jerked my head back and looked around. She was a girl in her teens. Skinny with a mild complexion, modestly dressed with a black leather jacket and skinny jeans. She had short silky hair and had an expression on her face that reminded me of someone I knew.

"Hey!" She must have called me a couple of times before the word properly registered in my consciousness.

"Hey!", I replied back.

"Don't you remember me?" She asked. I was lost for words. I knew I knew her, but from where? I couldn't tell, so I faked recognition.

"Oh, hey! How are you?", I asked her. She seemed to have bought it.

"I am fine. How have you been? Long time no see!"

"I am okay. Nice to see you again! What's up? " I still couldn't recognize her.

"Yeah, I'm here for the tests."

"Tests? What tests?"

"My medical tests of course! Blood tests."

Then it suddenly hit me: she is the daughter of our hostel warden in school. We were good friends. She used to call me Shisoo, "because shisnuu2 would be too harsh!", she used to joke. She had Leukemia and had to constantly perform treatments to abate her condition. I remembered her being bald due to the radiation treatment. Now she had grown up with a head full of hair and I could barely recognize her. I hid my surprise and asked, "So how's school?" "It's fine. My father misses you all. He is the principal now, did you know?". I knew, but still acted surprised.

We went to a nearby cafe and ordered mo:mo.

We chatted about old times. "How come I never heard from you again after SLC?" "I was just busy with going-abroad and stuff", I said. "So when are you getting married?" I was taken aback by the suddenness of her question. "Not just yet! I have to figure things out first!" "Hmm, that's so you, " she remarked with glee, "You are never sure of anything Shisoo, that's how you've always been, and that's how you will always be. As for me, I am sure. I am never getting married!"

"Why not?" I asked her reflexibly.

"Why not? Are you asking me why not? Tell me instead, why bother? Have you seen the news lately? Did you know, in about 30 years, all the jobs in the world will be overtaken by robots? and that the world population will be 10 Billion by then? Haven't you noticed everything becoming more and more expensive? The climate is getting hotter and hotter. Just look at river Bagmati now, and imagine how it will look like 30 years later. How can I, in my good conscience, subject my child to such suffering? I'd rather not have any baby at all."

The last sentence stuck out to me. I had heard the same thing hours earlier. I stared at her face, and I was suddenly not sure if I knew her. What's your name again? I managed to blurt her, but she ignored my question. She took out a large glass of milky white drink; It smelled of weed. "Hey, wanna have a drink?" she asked me. I looked around, the cafe was empty. I tried to recall if there was anyone when we entered. I was lost in confusion, but she still sat motionless there holding the glass with a grin on her face. The drink boiled and overflowed from the glass and started pouring unto the table. I felt suffocated. I catapulted back from the seat and ran towards the door. I opened it and got outside to catch my breath, when suddenly it started raining white milk. The smell of weed was everywhere. This must be a dream, I thought, but where am I asleep? In class or in Drabya's home? or did I even get to class that day? The girl came out of the cafe carrying the glass, still with the same grin on her face: "Why bring another being into this imperfect world?" she kept repeating herself. I wanted to run away but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get away. She kept gaining on me, as I started losing my consciousness. I blacked out.

When I woke up, Gaurab was standing in front of me. He was staring at me and his lips were moving, the sound of which registered only after some moments had passed by, "Are you alright bro? You've been gone for three hours!" I turned my head around. I was in his home. It was a dream! I sighed, but I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be, I thought. It was so vivid. Then suddenly I remembered the girl. Her name was Pushpa. She couldn't have been real, because she had died due to Leukemia when we were in our fourth grade. The realization brought me back to reality, but also injected a tinge of sadness into my heart. She was such a dear friend.

I heard noises from the other room. I slowly walked into the room and pushed open the door. The room was filled with puffs of smoke. The guys were blowing out joints. I walked into the kitchen, sat on a plastic chair and relaxed. Darkness had already set in. "Time to go man!", Drabya said as he patted my shoulder from behind. I nodded. I had left my scooter at his home, so I had to ride in his car to his home to get it. We packed our things and got in his car. He quietly rode through the streets of Satdobato. His brother was on the back seat. Both were dead silent. They must be high, I thought.

The distance from Gaurab's house to his was a long one, so it was a long-enough drive. As he was driving, he suddenly broke the silence and said, "Did you know, when my grandmother was dying, she said she saw Kaal3 taking away her things?" It was such an odd thing for him to say. So I didn't reply, hoping he was just high, but he continued, "You know, Kaal used to be such a nice guy. Everyone would see him coming before their deaths and they would know their time had come. One day, some guy was afraid that his mother would die soon, so he lured Kaal into a tree cavity and trapped him inside. Consequently, in that village, people got old, but they never died. They suffered terribly but never died. However, after many years, the suffering of the barely-alive was too much for people to bear, so after, the village people searched for the tree and finally freed him. After God heard about this, he became angry and cursed the human race to never be able to see Kaal again. That is why we don't see him anymore, but he does exist!" Why are you talking like this, man? I wanted to ask him, but it was all too creepy for me to respond. In fact, I had heard the story before from someone else, but I couldn't recall exactly from whom. Suddenly, Drabya pushed the accelerator hard. The car sped up, and then he creepily turned his head towards me, "Would you also like to see Kaal, bro?" I was lost for words. I couldn't tell if he was joking or just being high. His brother in the backseat was still out cold. I looked at the images through the window zooming past me and I began to fear for my life. "Hey man, what are you doing?" I barely let out these words, when I saw a huge truck coming towards us as we were intersecting the ring-road. "Hey stop!" I tried to yell, but smash!

I opened my eyes and found Pooja playing with her phone. I was in the cafe. I must have dozed off. For how long? I was not sure. It was all a dream thank god! Pooh was busy chatting with someone on her phone. I knew exactly with whom when I noticed the heart shape emoji after the username. Sharing our table with us was a short, elderly man with creases on his face from laughing too much, it seemed. He was finishing his beans as he stole his glances towards me a couple of times. He looked like a wild character from one of the Murakami novels. After a while, he got up and left. I looked around. It was a bright sunny day. Though my head was still heavy, it felt as if I was finally back to reality. "Aren't we leaving?" Pooja asked while still fiddling with her phone. I nodded. "How much?" I asked the cafe didi and she replied "160". I scoured my pockets for the money and gave it to her and said, "Let's go". "Just a minute!" Pooh said as she took out her glasses and started rubbing them. I stared at her for a while. Something was not right. She is rubbing her glasses! For a second, I was not sure if I really was awake. I shook off the feeling, looked away and proceeded to walk out of the cafe when I suddenly heard something uttering, "meaowww!!!"

1. Ghatta: A drink in Nepal made from Milk and Marijuana.

2. Shisnuu is Nepali word for Nettle leaf.

3. Kaal: In Nepali mythology, an agent of death who visits dying people to collect their souls, similar to the Grim Reaper