1 Chapter 1

She looked at me disappointment momentarily flashed across her face. Before she sighed and hugged me. The hug was cold. Even if I could feel the warmth of her body. It was cold and empty no forgiveness or resentment was in the hug. Just fake sincerity. She was still mad at me I could feel it. She was always mad at me. I couldn't please her. What was she mad at me for today. I had to think. Then it struck me like lightning I talked to her Boyfriend. I was just trying to be friendly. She pulled away after realizing I wasn't hugging back. She stared angrily into my emotionless eyes. She was mad. I didn't forgive her. I was suppose to say it was okay. I was suppose to say I would do better. I was suppose to take the hit and apologize for what I did wrong. I stared back at her. I was tired. My face stung from the smack she delivered earlier. I wanted to sleep and never wake up.

I sighed and said,"I'm sorry. It won't happen again Jess. You slapped me so I would learn I understand. I won't flirt with him again." Bile rose in my mouth as I said that to HER but i simply swallowed it. The word "flirt" I wasn't flirting. I wanted to make sure he was good for her. He was nice til he told her I was "flirting" with him. He liked my pain. He liked the bruises. He liked my tears and she... She was simply Jess. My best friend since we were kids. Why did I keep her around even though she hit me. I don't know. I was just hoping maybe someone would save me. I thought maybe it would be her boy friend Ken. It wasn't he liked the pain, the tears, the bruises, he liked it all. I was stuck again. I remembered trying to leave her when I was ten. She cried and said she wouldn't hit me again. She promised. That was the first time she hit me. She never held that promise. I was so naive. Why did she hit me you might ask, because I wanted to play mermaids instead of faeries. She wanted her way and she got it. The teachers never saw. Nobody ever saw and nobody ever would. She was good at keeping it a secret. Our friend ship was based on power and abuse and I was the victim. I never got a say in anything.

She replied," I know it won't happen again." Then she smiled.

She actually smiled!! At my pain. I faked a smile and nodded. She hugged me again and I wrapped my arms around her weakly. When she pulled way I still had that fake smile on my face.

She said we were going to the mall; she wanted to buy jeans. She told me I was paying as a way to show my forgiveness. I just nodded. I always payed. She never did. I had to work long days and nights for the money I had right now. It was only a measly hundred dollars after taxes and everything else. Barely enough for the jeans she wanted. I guess I was going hungry again. My stomach growled. I hadn't eaten, yesterday,I didn't have enough money. I finally got my paycheck. I was actually excited to eat. I wasn't going to eat though. I was going to go hungry again. Knowing her we were also buying lunch and I was paying. I sighed quietly. I would only have enough for her lunch I guessed. I might have some extra money in the house to buy me something to eat later. If there wasn't. I could go a day or two without eating. You kind of got use to the pain. I was eighteen she was eighteen. She was perfectly healthy weight for her age I was however severely underweight. The doctor told me constantly to eat more. I never did. I didn't have enough money. I couldn't pay for the pills to help with my weight. It didn't help that my metabolism worked fast. I groaned inwardly at the thought of going to bed with an empty stomach but it wasn't anything I wasn't use to. She lead me to her car. It was a nice car. It was a pretty shade of blue. It was a Tesla I think. I don't remember. I just know I payed for it as her birthday gift last year. She really wanted it. I was in a lot of debt from the car and everything else I'd bought for her. Debt. That word was bitter. My parents always told me to never be in debt it would take forever to pay off. They were right. They also sent me to bed without dinner sometimes if I didn't apologize to Jess for something even if I was the victim. The words I'm sorry had no meaning to me at this point. I'd said them to much. She's never said I'm sorry to me either nobody did. To my parents I was never good enough. When I didn't eat supper they gave it Jess like she was their daughter. She wasn't. They even called her daughter. They simply called me idiot, retard, disgrace, mistake, disappointment, oh the list goes on. My name however was Nevaeh. The name always sounded foreign on my tongue. I don't get called it often. Teachers never called me it the called me an ignorant Imbecile. So did Jess. Everyone did. I guess I wasn't really deserving of a name. I muttered Nevaeh under my breath it sounded foreign.

As we got in the car. I stared at the window and watched the trees go by. We passed a lake. I shivered. I hated water. I was told to "swim" at a young age which meant throwing me in the water and watching me drown. I learned to swim though. I hated it. I despised it. Jess loved to take me to the pool and push me in it and watch me scream. I pinched myself for the thousandth time in my life. This wasn't a dream. It never was. Dreams were of unicorns and mermaids the stuff of children's fantasies. If this was a dream I hated it. The only way out of it was to end it. I wasn't ready to go just yet. If I told Jess this she would detour me from it. She liked me as her human punching bag. When she was angry I got the blow. At a young age I learned never make Jess mad. When Jess was mad I was in trouble.

I brought my hand shakily to my face and touched it softly. It burned. I took my hand to my ear. I remembered how she wanted to "pierce" the top of my ear at the age of twelve. She cut it with scissors. Then watched the blood poor don't the side of my face and mix with my tears. It never healed because she never let me tell anyone. I brought my hand under the hem of my sweater and felt the lumpy scar. She put there to watch me bleed. She cut me too deep and just let me bleed. There are marks everywhere and their always there. They're reminders that I'm worthless and I don't deserve anything. She makes sure I see them. She wants others to see them. She put them there. It was like I was a game. I felt tears brim my eyes as painful memories flashed through my mind, but I didn't let them fall. It would just prove that I was weak.

We pulled up to the mall. I quickly wiped a hand over my eyes and to wipe away and tears that may have fallen. I got out and I walked over to her door and opened it letting her out. We walked into the mall. She instantly went to American Eagle. I sighed. She picked out the jeans she wanted and I had twenty dollars left. Maybe I would get to eat after all. I smiled at the thought of eating. That thought was crushed when we bumped into Ken. He would want lunch too. I sighed and crushed that dream. I reminded myself I shouldn't have hopes or dreams their always crushed. I trudged behind the happy couple to chic-fil-a. I payed for their meals and I had 3 dollars left over. I walked up to the counter to see if there was anything that I could buy with my measly three dollars. There wasn't. My stomach growled rather loudly and caught the attention of the cashier.

She stared at me with pity. She asked what I wanted I said nothing. I started to walk away.

"Hey," someone yelled. It was the cashier. I walked back to her. She proceeded to offer to pay for a meal for me. I sighed inwardly knowing I looked terribly under weight. My cheeks were sunken in and I was small. I declined her offer. She wouldn't let me decline in the end I let her pay for me a meal. I sat down away from Jess and Ken. The thought of them made bile rise in my throat. I ate all of it. Even though I was full by the time I finished half of it. I made myself eat it all. Not knowing the next time I'd eat.

I picked up the receipt. It had her number on it. I looked down confused. I stared at her working. She wasn't ugly or pretty. She was average. Not that looks mattered to me anyways. She had light brown hair and chocolate eyes. Her skin was a warm light brown. Then she looked at me. She caught me staring. She simply smiled at me. It made my stomach do a backflip and my heart flutter. For once in my life I smiled a genuine smile back at somebody and it was the cashier. I looked back down at the receipt. It had her name, which was May. It was pretty. I said the name out loud. I like the way it rolled off my tongue. Maybe I'd made a friend. I smiled at the idea of a friend. I got up and threw away my trash and stuck the receipt in my pocket.

I walked over to Jess and Kens table and sat down. Ken mumbled something about them taking about a "situation" later. I knew the situation was about me. He was going to make me look bad and she would believe it. I would gain more bruises and maybe scars, nothing new. I sighed and let my thoughts wonder to May. She seemed strange. She pitied me enough to buy me food. Nobody ever pities me. It was such a simple gesture, but it left me thinking. Suddenly Jess got up and announced she was going to the bathroom. I just nodded and Ken stayed silent. Jess looked like she was about to cry. She walked to the bathroom. I sighed and followed her. I had to comfort her or else I was getting hit and I'd have to give an apology. Once we entered the bathrooms. She started bawling. I wrapped my arms around her. She cried against me. I felt bad for her. I just don't know why. She asked me if I saw him checking out another girl. I had to think for a minute. There were consequences to my answer. If I say yes, she might think I was staring at him. If I say no, she would think I wasn't paying attention. I decided to go with no and awaited her answer. Time slowed as I waited or it at least seemed like it.

She simply exclaimed in the voice of what sounded like a wounded animal, " Oh but he did. He looked at her."

I started comforting her. Soon my thoughts started to wonder to May. I need to stop thinking about her. I just met her. She could be just like Jess. But something in my heart told me she wasn't.