1 Prolouge

I don't quite want to die.

That is to say, I won't choose to die. When I'm forced to make the choice to live its a lot more difficult. You might think the distinction between choosing to live and not choosing to die is inconsequential but they're distinct. Choosing not to die is definitively inaction. It's in the choices you ignore. Ignoring the choice to step onto the subway lines. Ignoring the choice to pick up that knife. It's a lot of work and I'm not that committed to dying.

Choosing to live is different. Its being proactive. When you need to choose to live the only other option is to die. Not choosing to die. Just... dying. Inaction means death. Choosing to do nothing means death. Taking too long to choose means death.

Most people don't run into that one too often. Except in one situation. Driving. Sometimes, when I drive home for breaks I come to a bend in the highway and I'm forced to choose to live. If I don't turn the wheel a couple degrees I'll go tumbling off the road into the woods. I have to choose to live. I'll die if I just sit there and think but that doesn't mean I gunned it right off the road. I didn't choose to die. I simply didn't choose to live. I'm so very tired of living so when I need to press continue I feel it would be so much easier to close my eyes and let death wash over me.

I do though. Even when turning the wheel feels more like rolling a boulder, I've always chosen to live. I know it's the right choice, probably, it's just so hard sometimes.

You'd think this kind of situation wouldn't be likely to face me with its very hideous face in the middle of a lecture on web based data structures and yet, here I am. Right in the middle of Dr. Casey's shitty lecture.

It started with screaming. Some students absolutely wailed in pain. Some gave a soft ouch and looked around in fear. Some, including dear Kevin next to me, collapsed unconscious. After a bit of writhing about he seemed okay enough. Not that he ever looks great but I've seen him look worse.

You probably know what zombies are right? The dead coming back to life. Usually some sort of virus? Yeah. That's Kevin now. Kinda. More like a husk of a person than an undead zombie though. Point is he got very bitey. As did the others collapsers. And now his unbrushed teeth are closing in on me breathing out his nasty morning breath right into my face.

This is where I need to choose to live. I could just sit here and narrate this for you. Get a nice play by play going. Just wait for him to tear into... I think he's headed for my nose right now. I could panic and let indecision seize my very soul. I won't cause I don't really care. But I could. Choosing to die is of course an option. He probably won't kill me instantly with a nose shot. I'll just need to drop next semesters tuition on a nose job. I assume he'll eventually get around to biting something important but I could just make it easy and lean my neck into his trajectory. Just, get my artery right in there. Make it quick ya know? On that note Dr. Casey has just made the second stupidest decision in his life after choosing to become a teacher by putting his hand in a students mouth and losing a couple fingers. I applaud his stupidity. Anyways, only way out of this alive is to make the choice to live. Of course we've got some options here too, mostly superficial stuff. Dodging is a good choice usually, followed by a nice chase scene to make it spicy. I could try and punch him but with the good Dr. Casey as a living example I think that's probably in the "choosing to die" category. I could-

The corner of our expensive school issue laptop deformed as it crushed it's way through the bridge of dear innocent Kevin's nose sending him backwards onto the floor.

I guess there's one more way not to die. Just wait for someone to save you.