11 Bathing with a kid. *

Months passed by much faster than I expected them to. And here I was. In a tub. With a two-year-old.

Before I get the police called on me let's dial it back to when the clock hit ten.

"Mao-kunnn!" My mother calls out.

I crawled over to her. I can crawl now... One-year-olds can crawl. It must be vexing knowing what happened on my one month mensiversary but not my birthday, huh? I must say that I can't relate, but anyway...

"Today, mommy, daddy, uncle, and auntie have to go out on business… So Yuu-chan and you have to stay at home, 'kay? We called Hime-chan to take care of you two. So be good kids, 'kay?"

I stayed silent pretending to understand. One-year-olds couldn't speak.

"Yesh!" Yuuno jumped down from her father's arms onto the bed, where I was. "We'll be good!" Two-year-olds could speak.

"I'm here!"

There is a difference between blonde and golden, at least how I look at it. Golden hair has some sort of elegance that blonde simply doesn't. Maybe because the base colour is slightly deeper or because the light just bounces off better. But that hair colour was an absolute privilege monopolised by the royal family.

Why did I mention this? Because a 7-year-older onee-san with lush golden hair entered our room. Sadou Hime, Yuuno's older sister, a quintessential air headed beauty.

One who got her engagement broken off by a noble after she found him cheating on her with a dude. So as retaliation, she got into girls. And never looked back since. Ah, her brothers took care of the noble house by the way. It doesn't exist anymore.

[You should stop staring now.] Yuuno said.

[How am I not supposed to look, when she's dressed like that?]

[Like that?]

[I mean just look at her! A dress with a t-shirt? Brown and green? Did a white family dress her up for Christmas? She looks like friggin Christmas tree.] Oh dear, I forgot to tell you guys. I can speak 'modern' now. I guess I'm what the kids call hip nowadays.

[Hey, she can wear what she wants at home!]

[This is fashion terrorism!]

"Ah! Hime-chan, you're here already!" My dad broke our conversation. "Can you take care of these two?"

"Sure, I can! It isn't like it's my first time."

"Great! Then we'll be counting on you!"

"Hehe."

"Mao-kun, don't miss us too much, okay? We can't stay back today even if you cry for us!"

"Ba ba bu bu." I giggled. It wasn't like I was going to stop them from leaving anyway. This was the first time both of them had left me alone in an entire year. Or gone back to their jobs for that matter.

Rather I was relieved that my parents weren't just leeching off of Jii-san.

"Well, we'll be going now… Byeeee!"

And with that, they left.

[So what do we do now?] Yuuno transmitted to the chasm of my brain.

[I dunno watch some shows, I guess.] I replied.

"Hime-nee…" Yuuno called her sister who was trying to take off Clintarou as he tried to use her leg as a chew toy. Well, the Sadou family was a little too powerful to let dog teeth dig into their flesh, so she was safe as far as I could tell.

"Yes, my lady." She replied in humour.

"Carry us to the couch, please."

"As you wish, my lady."

She held us under her arms and carried us over to the couch.

"Can you turn on Detective Kanon?" Yuuno made a safe choice.

"Yes."

[Could you ask him to bring some milk too? I'm a little hungry.]

[Mhmm.]

"Can you get him a bottle of milk too?" She asked Hime-nee.

"Sure."

Getting the milk was just the start of the disaster. Hime-nee gave me the bottle and went off to turn the microwave off.

The bottle might have been loose in my hands, or my hands might have just been sweaty. Maybe I got too excited after finding out that the murderer was the shyest man in the family who murdered out of love. But one thing lead to another and milk got lathered over both of us.

"Oh dear, you two are dirty now. I-I'll prepare a bath now."

Now here we were, in the present, facing each other in the bath after Hime-nee cleaned both of us off. She got soaked while bathing us and decided to join us in the bath as well. A decently sized one might I add.

I, being the younger one, was stationed on her lap.

To make things clear, I do not view her in a lewd light. She is and will always be an older sister to me. If anything I felt towards her the same emotion that her brothers do. That confession aside, there was another issue at hand-

[Can you please not look at me like that? It's unfitting of a young lady to look at a man's privates.] I complained.

[Who cares? It's not like it's my first time looking at them.] Yuuno-chan's words caught me completely off guard. Our toes were touching.

[Eh?]

Now that I think about it, she was sixteen in her previous life, not to mention popular and stunning(even though her face was hidden). So it wasn't like it's impossible for her to not have done it.

[UUU What I mean is- I walked in on Yiina and Hora do it on multiple occasions. Don't get the wrong idea, okay? Those two did it like rabbits. Rather I was surprised how they didn't have any kids during our journey. I swear to god I would walk in on them at least once a week. Those two just wouldn't stop. Argh! Watching it was more traumatizing than having your hand go through my chest.] She ranted.

I sighed.

[Ah, so that's what you meant!]

.

.

.

[Hmm… you sure do look relieved now. Are you that happy that I hadn't done it before?]

[N-No! What gave you that idea?! I was simply relieved that you wouldn't be able to tease me, by calling me a virgin any time in the future.]

[What gave you that idea? I'll still call you a virgin whenever I want to. Female virginity is seen as something sacred, male virginity is just sad.]

[You angered a lot of males. Plus I was underag- I mean I was a demon. Our proud race doesn't need anything as futile as sexual reproduction.] As soon as I said this I realised how stupid my statement is considering my current heritage.

[Is that so?~] Yikes, she got the upper hand in the conversation. [Anyways, that isn't the only time I saw a male thing.]

'She just keeps on going, huh?'

[In fact, I saw one recently too.]

[Eh?]

'Isn't that like... illegal?'

[When you were having your diape-]

[LALALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU I CAN'T HEAR YOU!]

I heard giggling at my side.

Piece of trash. She's more of a villain than I ever was!

###

[Your dog is pretty cool, huh?] Yuu-chan said as Hime-nee dried her hair while we continued to soak.

[I don't know about that. He doesn't even have a dimensional pocket.]

[What sort of dog has a dimensional pocket?]

[A racoon dog.]

[Huh?]

[Whatever. Were you saying something?]

[Ah, yes. I was just saying that I would totally get one if I could afford it.]

[You can afford it, though.]

[I can? Oh yeah, I can. Almost forgot about that again.] Again surely held true. This woman forgot about her current circumstances on more occasions than one. Once she tried to bargain when we went to the supermarket with our parents.

[Were you poor in your previous life?]

She flinched.

[I wouldn't say that I was poor as much as the church was on a tight budget.]

She was poor, huh. What a peasant!

[Well, you can buy one now if you want to.]

[On another thought, I won't. You already have one so I'll just make do with Clintarou.]

[But it's mine!]

[Shhhh… it's our's now.]

'Does she think she's entitled to everything I own?'

[Vampires are all selfish, so you being like this isn't all that surprising.]

[What did you just say?]

[Can you eat garlic, you filthy vampire?]

[You son of a- I AM NOT A VAMPIRE. I am merely a demon with superstrength and superspeed who is coincidentally able to drink blood!]

[That's what we call a vampire, you talking bat!]

[You little- NO I'M NOT! If you want to call me anything, call me a Dracula or a Noblesse!]

[Bla bla bla! You aren't cool enough to be called either of those!]

[You bet I am, you half-blood.]

[That's not an insult. There are plenty of half-bloods in this country.]

[Being a vampire is not an insult either!]

[You sure are taking it like one…]

[That's because… because my previous family got offed by a vampire.]

[Oh.] Crap! That was a huge landmine. But how was I supposed to know?!

Back in my age, vampires were the most troublesome demons. Their pride clouded all their judgment and made them feel as if the inferior species, humans, just served as their food source.

[I'm sorry.]

[No, it's fine. My parents were trash anyways. They were going to sell me off, but the vampires offed them before they could. So I ended up at a church and became a hero instead of becoming a slave to a pedophilic noble. In a way I'm thankful to the vampire.] So she'll continue dropping bombs like that, huh?

[Then why do you dislike being called a vampire so much?]

[Oh that? It's cuz I watched twi*ight. Now the thought of being a vampire makes me cringe.]

[I take back all the sympathy I gave you, you trashy vampire.]

[Hehehe... Someone really wants a piece of me.]

[Nooo...]

[Hehehehee... just stay still, kiddo.]

[Noooo!]

[It'll only hurt a bit.]

[NOOOOOOOO!]

Our time in the bath left me anaemic. Her teeth had tainted my pure self.