2 The selfish Onechan

"Remember to clean the dishes every time you finish it. Don't pile it up too much or else you will lose motivation to wash it eventually. And about your clothes, I will come back from time to time to help you do the laundry, so just keep it in a bag till then alright? And for heaven's sake get rid of your garbage! If I find out that you continue to pile up your garbage you know what will happen."

Anemachi, still on the floor with the seiza post, was being lectured by Suisei who was standing in front of her. She nodded with fear and responded with complete obedience. She had lost her image as a respected elder sister already.

"Humuhumu, I will start making myself more organized from now on so you won't have to worry about it." Anemachi tried to please the girl and safeguard her life. She still remembers Suisei going full psychopath mode in the past. It almost cost Anemachi her life. "It will be fine from now on, I promise!"

"I see, good." Suisei acknowledged Suisei's desire to change.

"But...You still don't wanna talk about the reason yet, Onee-chan?" Suisei, finishing her lecture, decided to sip a cup of tea that she poured just now to moisture her throat. She gulped the water and looked at Anemachi. "Are there really things that your little sister are not allowed to know?"

"I don't mind you having secrets...But your doing really worries me, running away from home and such. Did you borrow money from the loan shark or something?"

Suisei stared into Anemachi's eyes. Her eyes are full of love, bitterness and worry. She doesn't understand why the usuals dependable Anemachi will do something like this. She left a few months ago without informing anyone, cutting off any communication with her. Although her mother looked like she knew something. But so far, she hasn't told Suisei anything yet.

Suisei was only able to track down Anemachi's apartment through a friend who happened to live near here and had witnessed her in this area. Finding Anemachi was not an easy thing to do, she can say.

Anemachi, hearing Suisei's words, avoided eye contact with her. She turned her head and bit her pink lips. She felt a great pain coming from the guilt in her heart. But eventually, she managed to harden her heart to not let the truth get out of her mouth.

"Sorry, no."

Anemachi held back her emotion before continuing, closing her eyes in the process.

"I still think that I should keep this a secret to myself."

"And Suisei...can I beg you for something?" Asking with a small voice, Anemachi spoke to the wall beside her, "Just, leave me alone. This will be the best for both of us."

"I can't tell you too much. But I promise, I will be back once everything is settled. So can you just please, leave me alone for now? Your action...isn't making it easier."

Anemachi has her reason. No matter how stupids it sounded to others, she doesn't want people to help her. Or rather, she doesn't want to affect others because of her situation. Dragging people down the muddy water isn't something she wanted. And moreover…

It's not like anyone can help her in this after all.

"I would really want to settle this by myself, so please."

Anemachi spoke, begging the person before her to leave her, to let her bear it all alone, no matter what it was.

Suisei listened to everything with an open ear, a hurted heart.

Her palm was clenched into a fist. Strength was being exerted every second into her hand. Her head was now facing the ground. Her bang covered her face and the emotion behind it.

"Pah!"

Suddenly, Anemachi who was still looking at the wall felt a tingling sharp pain spreading from her right face. Following it was a warm heat coming from her blood rushing to the dying cell on her face.

"Why are you so damn selfish!"

Anemachi looked back at Suisei. A warm stream of water had begun pouring out from Suisei's eyes, "Every time, every f*ucking time suffering alone, refusing to let other people to help you."

"Have you ever thought of the people around you!? What do they feel? What do they think? Why are you so selfish onee-chan!?"

"We can discuss it together, we can talk about it together, we can look for a solution together. There is so much that we can do. Yet, you choose to bear everything all by your own, with your stupid reason of not wanting to drag people down with you. In the end, the real reason is because of your stupid pride and low self-esteemed."

"I hate you, I really do." Suisei tried to take in some air and calmed herself down. So please, can you just, please-"

"Treat yourself better."

"I don't want to be the little sister that has been standing behind you all these years. I don't want to be the one that is always clinging onto whenever trouble come. I don't want to again, looking at you suffering alone, bearing it all on your small shoulder, with a smile saying that it's alright."

"You've done so much for me and everyone. So please, just this time, could you rely on me?'

"Give us a chance please…'

"To be with you this time."

With that, Anemachi found herself again in her Suisei's hug as Suisei began to cry loudly on her chest. Anemachi was still sitting there, stunned by the word coming out from her Suisei's mouth.

She looked at Suisei who was against her chest. Suisei's arm was now wrapped around Anemachi's waist tightly. These arms in the past used to surround her when Suisei had trouble falling asleep. Those tears used to come out when she couldn't get the ice cream she wanted.

She wasn't the little girl that Anemachi had remembered to be.

'Suisei, has grown up already huh.'

"...Sorry, Suisei." Anemachi spoke in a small and soft voice. Her hand was placed on top of Suisei silk-like hair. Her finger went through it, giving Suisei the comfort she needed for losing her dear sister for months, "I have really been selfish huh?"

As the hand continued to pat, the cry of the girl in her hug began to become smaller and smaller, with Suisei releasing all her piled up emotion in her hug. She had finally returned back to the warm hug she sought for so long, eventually falling silent and sleeping peacefully, not before murmuring one last sentence.

"Onee-chan, your hug is as comfortable as always…"

Anemachi hearing the word showed off a warm smile as she allowed Suisei to go into her dream before moving her to the single-bed she owned, it looked like Suisei will have to spend the night here today.

She carried the light Suisei to the bed, releasing her arm that was still tightly gripping her back, comforting Suisei that she was still here with her.

But she will have to inform someone about Suisei's situation.

Anemachi picked up her phone on the table and opened the phone contact. The familiar number on the screen popped up.

She hesitated before continuing.

With the phone ringing and eventually connecting, Anemachi felt her heartbeat becoming faster all of a sudden.

"...Hello, mom." Anemachi started with an awkward greeting, "Hope you are fine recently."

"Hello, Suisei is with you right now is it?" Meanwhile the person on the other side of the phone cut straight to the point, "Or else the stubborn you won't even consider calling me now."

Anemachi replied with an awkward laugh.

"So, still not planning to change your thinking, Anemachi?" The voice continues to ask with a small hope that the presence of Suisei can change her stubborn and selfish mind.

"...You already know my answers before, sorry." Anemachi, staying silent for a while, refused to change, "I just wanna let you know that Suisei is with me right now. She will be staying here for a night, so no need to worry."

"I see, I see." The voices sigh, thinking of ways to bring her daughter back home, "Just know that no matter how hard you try to hide it, one day it will be exposed."

"And at that time, that will be the point of no return."

"Also, your other friend is searching for you right now, is it? Looks like she manages to get some important clues regarding you. So expect some company in the future." The voice remembered something and gave a heads up to her daughter. "See, people still care about you even when you're gone. They are trying their best to help you in any way they can."

"So please, give them a chance, for them to help you at least."

"..." Anemachi holding the phone, mind went through unknown thoughts.

"Bye mom, wish you a healthy body too in the future. I...will try visiting you next year." And with that, Anemachi hung up the phone and proceeded to put it back on the table. She must admit that her thoughts did got shaken a bit.

Her eyes proceeded to turn onto Suisei who was lying on her bed. Suisei slept silently on it, occasionally flipping around her body to find a more comfortable position to sleep. Her clothes are a bit messy due to the breakdown she has just now, showing off plenty of skin to the people around it.

"Idiot, you will get a cold if you sleep like that…" Anemachi proceeded to cover her body with a blanket. Her hand was poking Suisei's cheek just like their childhood, and Anemachi's face showed a smile she didn't have for months. Despite being scolded, it felt warm, knowing people outside as finding her.

She opened the door to the balcony. A warm wind was blowing onto her face. One of the reasons she chose this apartment was because of the scenery it offered. She looked upwards, the moon stood bright in the dark sky. The stars sprinkled all around the dark curtain. It has already become a habit for her to admire the beauty of the sky before going to sleep.

"Ah...the night is beautiful as always." Anemachi hand fixed the hair that was blown messy by the wind. Her thoughts went wild, "Looks like I managed to make many friends in the past huh?"

Her palm reached for the moon. She wanted to grab it, holding it tightly in her arm. After all, who wouldn't want a moon if they can?

"Is it ok for me to embrace the happiness I seek too?"

Anemachi asked a question that no one could answer. And the night again to move on despite the girl's confusion.

She will have to find out the answer herself.