1 Everything Goes Wrong

Two hours into her shift, Julie was already exhausted. It wasn't the fact that she had too much work to do, but the fact that the bookstore was completely empty. There no clients she had to help, no kid that she had to recommend a fantasy book similar to the one they already read. Those were the hardest days, as having nothing to do made every minute feel like an eternity. She tried to sit down and work on her own writing, but the anxiety at the thought of her boss walking in on her and scolding her was too much to bear.

It was only when she got a visit from her workmate that the day got a little better.

"Long time no see," said Emma, picking up a random book from the counter.

Emma was blonde, tall, and lean, a sharp contrast to Julie's brown hair and short and plump figure. She was also way younger, being only a freshman in college, so they weren't exactly friends, but the company was appreciated nonetheless.

"What brings you here?" asked Julie, as she arranged some of the books in the Fantasy section.

"Just collecting my paycheck," said Emma, looking around the bookstore with an empty gaze.

Her gaze then stopped on Julie. As if she suddenly remembered something, her bored expression was quickly replaced by a smirk.

"So how was the big date last night?" she asked, her voice cracking at the excitement. Ever since Julie told her Matt's plan, not a day went by without her asking that.

As if to answer her, Julie only turned around and showed off her hand, the small ring on her finger sparkling under the dim light of the bookstore. Emma let out an excited squeal, taking a step forward to watch over the ring like a hawk. "So when's the big day?"

Julie shrugged, hoping her workmate wouldn't notice how uncomfortable she was.

"We don't know yet," she said, putting back a cooking book that somehow ended up in the SF section. "We can't really afford a wedding right now."

It was almost impossible to be excited over something that may never happen. She and Matt could always just sign the papers and call it a day, but that would have been a too depressing way to end the story of her dream of the perfect fairy tale wedding. As the thought of that made its way to Julie's expression, Emma's smile quickly faded away. An emotion resembling pity overwhelmed her, irritating Julie.

"You could afford it if,-"

Julie shook her head.

"That's not an option."

Feeling the tension that formed between them, Emma smiled again. It was a strange trait of hers, always knowing a way to change the subject.

"So what did the two of you did last night?"

But not by much.

"We watched a movie at his place," said Julie, a smile forming on her face at the memory of last night.

"Don't you get bored of that?" laughed Emma.

"Not really," said Julie, a frown forming on her face. "We barely spend time together, so nothing can bore us."

Emma raised an eyebrow in a horrified expression.

"I'm always at work, you know?" continued Julie. "So we don't see each other that much."

"You know what?" said Emma, crossing her arms. "You should take tomorrow off."

Julie let out a laugh.

"Are you crazy? Gina's gonna kill me. Besides, I need the money."

"Come on!" Her tone was similar to that of a child. "You're engaged! Spend some time with your fiancee! Go on a date!"

"We did go on a date yesterday."

"I mean a real date!"

But Julie simply shook her head with a smile, turning back to the now arranged Romance section.

"What if I cover your shift tomorrow? And you get to keep the money?"

Julie stopped in her place. She turned to Emma, almost not believing her own ears. Would it be bad if she accepted? After all, it was only one day. Her eyes lit up with hope.

"You'd really do that for me?"

"Of course! But don't tell Gina, alright?"

Way too excited to ask why she wasn't supposed to tell their boss, she simply nodded.

"This is great!" She squished her in an embrace. "Thank you!"

It was fascinating how much faster the time passed now that she was excited. The young woman texted Matt the good news and then spent the rest of her shift daydreaming about how perfect tomorrow was gonna be. It was only when the possibilities were endless that Julie realized she and Matt haven't been on a proper date since forever. After four years of relationship, there weren't exactly many new things you could do together, but everything felt like that when the only time they spent were the twenty minutes it took for him to walk her home after work.

When the clock hit ten p.m., Matt was already outside. Her fleet flying above the entrance stairs, Julie tackled him in a hug. He helped her put on her coat, planted a small kiss on her lips, and then grabbed her shoulder as he guided her towards her home. Carefully stepping on the icy pavement, they walked through the snow-covered city.

"Did you hear the good news?" she asked, as he never replied to her text.

Matt simply nodded.

"I can't wait! Wanna have dinner somewhere fancy? I'll wear that dress you like!"

He shrugged.

"Or how about ice skating? We haven't been to a ring since two winters ago!"

When she noticed that not only he wasn't saying anything, but was looking at the ground with an empty gaze, Julie crossed her arms and frowned.

"What happened? I thought you'd be more excited."

Matt scoffed, still refusing to look at her.

"Why would I be? It's just a day, then you'd be busy again."

Julie frowned. They finally had the chance to do something together and this is how he wanted to act?

"You're saying it like I'm doing it on purpose."

Matt rolled his eyes.

"Nobody's forcing you to take extra shifts."

Julie's jaw hit the ground. Was he seriously throwing that in her face when he knew better than everyone her situation?

"Seriously? I have a mother to take care of!" she yelled the last sentence, attracting the gazes of some bystanders.

"You always bring that up!" he yelled back. "You have a fiancee too, you know?"

"So what do you want me to do?! Stop working and then hope my mother survives on her own?!"

"You could always find another job," said Matt, calming down. "Something with a bigger pay and more time off."

Julie shook her head, finally cooling down as well.

"It's my dream job."

Matt let out a laugh, making her cheeks heat up once again.

"Dream job? You're working in a bookstore."

"Exactly! One day my books will be on that shelf!"

He laughed again.

"You're crazy."

As they continued to walk towards Julie's home, they didn't say another word to one another. She found herself preferring the silence, as it gave her the opportunity to think things through and it prevented her from saying something in the heat of the moment that she would wind up regretting.

When they reached her front door, she turned back to him. Matt was still avoiding her eye, but Julie didn't want them to go to sleep that night mad at each other.

"Good night."

But he ignored her.

Not bothering to try again and letting him walk away, Julie entered her home. Her apartment was small, being made of only two rooms: one that served as a bathroom, and one that served as a bedroom, a kitchen, and a living room all at once. Her mother was curled up on the sofa bed watching a soap opera on the small TV, her eyes lighting up when she noticed Julie was back home. Using a cane to support herself, Mrs. Brooks got up and approached Julie with a warm smile on her face. Her mother was nowhere near old, but her illness made it difficult for her to walk.

"You're home!"

"Don't exhaust yourself," said Julie as she helped her mother sit back down.

She loved her mother, but taking care of her was surely tedious. As she cooked the doctor-approved dinner, Julie thought to herself that everything in her life seemed to feel like work.

"I talked to Aunt Marge today," said Mrs. Brooks, as her daughter was spoon-feeding her.

"And?" asked Julie, using a numb tone by accident.

"I told her you're getting your book published! She was so excited!"

Julie shook her head. She didn't know if her mother just happened to have a bad memory or if that was an unfortunate side effect of her illness.

"I told you already, I'm not going through with this."

Her mother blinked in confusion.

"Why not? It's a great offer."

Why did no one understand her choice?

"It's not a real offer." She was starting to get irritated. "They'll give me some money and then change everything about my book."

Perhaps that wouldn't have been a problem if it were about anything else she wrote, but this was about her most important work. It was the one that she poured all of her soul into, the book inspired by her father leaving, by her mother's illness, by everything that went wrong in her life. She would rather die than let anybody change something about it.

After helping her mother take her pills and then get into bed, Julie got a beer from the bridge and then sat on the floor, drinking from the cold liquid until she passed out.

***

When the next day arrived, Julie was beyond happy. She was so excited about her upcoming date that helping her mother eat, take her pills, and shower didn't even feel like a chore anymore, instead being a mere task that helped the time pass faster until evening. After she shopped for food, the sun slowly started to set. Losing her patience already, she started to prepare two hours in advance. She took a long bath, ensuring every inch of her was perfectly clean, and then put on her makeup, careful to check the internet for the colors that best matched her brown eyes and her pale complexion.

She spent the remaining half hour curled up on the couch, dressed in a bathrobe and with a full face of makeup, watching a weird documentary about demons and the occult with her mother. When Matt texted her that he was going to arrive in five minutes, she quickly put on the long red dress that he liked, a pair of simple black shoes, and her mother's fake fur coat.

"You look amazing!" she said. "But take care of the coat, alright? It was a gift."

Julie nodded with a grin.

She said her goodbye and then left the apartment, the winter cold not managing to bother her because of her coat. She squinted her eyes and then looked around for Matt, spotting him after a while- to Julie's surprise- in the right seat of a fancy car. In the left one was a young redheaded girl, carefully applying her lipstick in the rearview mirror.

She waved to Matt, who finally noticed her too. He quickly left the car, approaching Julie with a big smile plastered on his face.

"You look great!"

"Who's that?" asked Julie, as the car drove away.

"My cousin, Rachel," he said with a shrug. "She just arrived in the city and I asked her for a ride."

"Couldn't have you asked her

Matt shrugged again.

"She said she's busy."

Satisfied with his response, Julie let that go. They ordered a taxi instead, arriving in a few minutes at the fancy restaurant, just in time for their reservation. Their table was near a small fountain. It splashed water of every color, but that didn't impress Julie as much as the tiny turtles that were swimming in there.

It was amazing how well they managed to get along when it was just the two of them, with no jobs, no mothers to take care of, no wedding planning, and no stress. They talked as they waited for their food, his eyes lighting up as she explained everything about her new book idea, and her nodding along excitedly as he told her about the car he wanted to buy.

"Hold that thought," said Julie when Matt was saying something about the headlights. "I'm going to the bathroom."

She stood up, asked a waiter for directions, and then took some time to fix her hair and makeup. When she returned to their table, Matt was talking on the phone, a strange smile plastered on his face.

"What happened?" asked Julie as she sat at the table.

"Nothing," he said, quickly ending the call and putting his phone in his pocket. "What took you so long?"

But she wouldn't let him change the subject that quickly.

"Who were you talking to?"

Matt shook his head.

"I was asking a workmate about where I can find a wedding planner," he said, avoiding her eye.

Julie crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

"So soon? We don't even know when we're having our wedding."

He shrugged.

"That's why I figured we needed a planner."

But the subject was quickly changed when their food arrived. Deciding to forget about her worries and make the most out of the evening, she ate in silence as Matt went on and on about the car. Just as he was about to explain something about the steering wheel, he was fortunately interrupted by the ringing of Julie's phone.

"Is this Julie Brooks?" said the robotic voice of an unknown woman.

She gulped and then frowned, notifying Matt that something was wrong.

"Yes. Why?"

When the answer came, Julie dropped her phone on the floor with a loud thud. Her vision became blurry and Matt's concerned voice became a mere buzz. She forgot who she was for a minute, almost as if she was in a dream in which she played a different person. When she came back to reality, she quickly stood up.

"I have to go."

She put on her fur coat and then threw her part of the bill on the table.

"Seriously?!" said Matt, his gentleness from earlier quickly vanishing. "We haven't even finished our food!"

But Julie only shook her head. Surely they could finish their date some other time.

"My mom's in the hospital," she quickly explained.

Before she could leave the restaurant, she looked back at Matt, who was fuming with anger as he ate his food.

"I'm sorry. I'll call you later."

***

Julie spent the rest of her free day at the hospital. She waited for hours for some news, sitting on the dark hallway all alone with no idea of what was happening to her mother. She called Matt over five times, but he never picked up. She hated nights like this, but the worst of it was how unexpected it was. Her mother hasn't had an episode like that in months.

It was only after what seemed like an eternity when a nurse finally came to her, telling her that her mother was stable now but she needed to spend the night there. Finally freed, Julie went home.

The next morning, she barely woke up in time to get to work. She quickly got dressed hurried to the bookstore, making it just in time for the start of her shift. To her confusion, Emma was already there, sitting at the counter dressed in their uniform. Gina was there with her, both of them looking over some documents with concentrated expressions. Julie approached them, thinking Gina called Emma over because they had some important extra task to do.

"Hi!"

Both of them stopped dead in their tracks, looking up towards Julie. When she realized who she was looking at, Gina's face quickly contorted into an angry expression.

"You have some nerve showing your face around here!"

Julie blinked in confusion, the sudden aggression of her boss giving her a deeply uncomfortable feeling.

"Excuse me?"

Gina scoffed, crossing her arms.

"Great, now you're playing dumb!"

Julie was beyond confused now. It was like she accidentally stumbled upon a different dimension where that version of her did something unspeakable.

"I'm serious," said Julie, sounding like a criminal on death row. "I don't understand what I did."

But that only angered Gina even more.

"Get the hell away from my bookstore and never come back!"

Julie's vision started to become blurry.

"You're firing me?"

Her boss ignored her, instead turning back to the documents.

"Can you at least tell me why?!"

Gina turned back to Julie, her eyebrows touching each other as she threw her an icy glare.

"Seriously?" she spat out. "You thought you can skip a whole shift without consequences? Did you know almost got robbed yesterday because there was no one at the counter?!"

Despite the explanation, Julie was even more confused.

"No one?! But Emma said she would cover my shift! That's why I didn't come!"

Hearing her name, Emma raised an eyebrow. Her expression was so convincing that it almost made Julie think she was losing her mind.

"I never said that," she said in an amused tone, her acting so on point that Gina instantly believed her.

"So now you're lying," laughed their boss.

"I'm not! I'm serious! She said,-"

But Gina cut her off with a simple hand gesture.

"You know what? I gave you every extra shift you needed because I thought you cared about this job, but clearly, I was wrong. Goodbye."

"But,-"

"I said goodbye!"

Clearly tired with her, Gina turned on her heels and went into her office, leaving Julie all alone with Emma. Desperate, she quickly approached her coworker.

"Please, talk to her! Tell her the,-"

But Emma simply shrugged.

"I just wanted to get rid of you."

Only then everything clicked in her head. Julie's vision became even more blurry.

"Why would you do that?" she said, trying to stop her voice from breaking.

"You're always taking the extra shifts!" said Emma, sounding like a child jealous that their older sibling got a toy. "I need them too, okay? I'm saving for a car!"

Her sadness quickly turned into anger. Did she just got her fired, when she knew very well her situation, for a stupid car?!

"Are you serious?!"

She shrugged again with a fake smile plastered on her face.

"Nothing personal."

***

The first thing she did after she left the bookstore was burst out into tears. The second thing was calling Matt once again, but he still wouldn't pick up. With tears in her eyes, she struggled to write him a text message.

I just got fired and I feel awful. Can we talk?

With no other option left, she went back home, threw herself on the couch, and cried her eyes out. She had no idea what to do. She worked at that bookstore for two years. It was her first serious job and the first job that she truly loved. She was a writer, after all, she felt most at home surrounded by hundreds of books. In a morbid way, she was grateful her mother was in the hospital, as she wouldn't have to see her in this state. She could never accord to cry in front of Mrs. Brooks. Julie always had to be the strong one, her mother's strength and the person that always ensured her everything was solvable, a persona she had to adopt ever since her mother got sick. After what seemed like forever, like she cried so much she could fill a river, her phone finally rang.

"How are you?" said Matt's concerned voice.

"Awful. Can you come over?"

Five seconds of silence.

"I'll be there in an hour."

Julie was too sad and tired to ask why it would take him so long. She simply ended the call and returned to crying. When Matt knocked on the door, Julie already managed to calm down. She finally stopped crying, her face now red, puffy, and full of mascara.

"Hi," he said in a shy voice, sitting down next to her.

Julie didn't say a thing, instead hugging him tightly as she burst out into tears once again.

"I'm sorry," Matt said softly as he patted her on the back.

When she managed to calm down, she told him the story of how Emma managed to get rid of her just for a stupid car. When she was done, he gave her a sympathetic smile.

"But now we can spend more time together!"

Seriously? She was at her lowest and this was all that he thought about it? Julie didn't say anything, not even having the energy to fight anymore.

"It's gonna be alright."

But nothing was alright. Julie spent the next month in a constant state of hopelessness and desperation as she got rejection after rejection. It was impossible for her to find a job in the big city, especially one that would ensure her decent money, as no boss was willing to give all the extra shifts to a newbie. She temporarily moved to Matt's place, cooking and cleaning for him for some extra cash and going back and forth to her place to take care of her mother, but that still wasn't enough.

"Landlord called me," she said to Matt one morning. "He threatened he would evict my mother. I still haven't paid the rent for this month."

"So get a job then," he said, not even looking at her as he was too busy texting someone.

She let out a loud sigh.

"Of course. Why haven't I thought of that?"

Matt looked up from his phone only to throw her a dirty look.

"I'm trying to help. Don't be sarcastic with me."

Julie didn't say anything. Arguing with him was draining her even more that her joblessness.

"After all that I've put up with, the least you could do is be nice."

That is when she snapped.

"Excuse me? What exactly did you put up with?"

He finally closed his phone, putting it face down on the table.

"You haven't even looked at me this month! I thought moving in together would help us repair our relationship! All do is act depressed!"

"Act?!"

Julie stood up. She was so tired of everything. She wished everything was just a nightmare and she would wake up very soon with her job back.

"You don't have any right to be this way! It was your fault in the first place!"

She didn't say anything. Instead, she just took of her engagement ring and put it back on table.

"If you really feel this way about me, maybe we shouldn't get married."

"Maybe we really shouldn't."

Without waiting for him to say something else, she just left. Normally, Julie would have cried her eyes out, but they had that exact argument so many times in the past month that she was just tired, like this was just an unpleasant part of the day that she just had to go through. It was an almost never ending cycle: she was depressed, he got mad at her for being depressed, and then she was even more depressed.

She went home, throwing herself on the couch next to her mother without even taking off her coat first. Mrs. Brooks' eyes were glued to the TV, not even noticing that her daughter was next to her. After she got home from the hospital, she acted even weirder than before, on some days being a mere ghost of the woman she once was.

"Hi, sweetheart." She finally realized she wasn't alone anymore. "What happened?"

Julie shook her head. She was too tired of answering in the exact same way. She could almost hear herself say "Just had a fight with Mark".

"Nothing."

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