20 ☆19

It was the first time in a very long time that accepting I couldn't change what was to come. I felt it in my soul. My soul felt light and I was unafraid. Even thought the day didn't go according to how I envisioned it to go I didn't feel disappointed or nervous. I went for a walk then took care of my physical needs. After those needs were met I devoted my time to writing a midterm paper that was approximately three pages long. I put my mind to the paper to the best of my ability and I will admit it wasn't easy. When it rained I felt my inner child bubble to the surface and couldn't help myself but dance in the rain with the cats...I think they enjoyed the rain too. After dancing in the rain I drank some matcha tea throughout the day. While sipping the tea on rocks I also typed slowly and hunted for important quotes for the paper. It was fun to highlight the passages with the orange highlighter. I submitted the paperwork after making the needed corrections at 11:45pm. But I will be honest I don't know what grade my paper might get but I wouldn't be afraid because I gave my best. But i will be also honest it is wishful thinking that it will get the best grade...I will be grateful if it got a B or a C. I need to work harder it seems. One textbook is very dense and hard to read while the other...I don't like the author's view on history. Tonight I cried after listening to Andrea Bocelli's voice. I don't know if love or the good luck of Fate will be on my side. It would be nice to be truly accomplished, accepted as I truly am, and loved unconditionally but I don't know when or if that is feasibly possible. I am so tainted from my past experiences that I shiver thinking about love now. I just hope I can move on and make new happy memories and forget the horrible things of the past. But truly I am Okay.

-Ma'am X