2 Chapter 2: distant pain
my hood was up as I walked to protect my cheeks from the lowering temperature. As I neared the village I sat and fished out my cigarettes. -it wasn't a regular habit but I had saved to buy this pack before I left Liverpool.
A pack of lucky strikes.
I was hoping it might rub off.
I put my case down and sat on a fallen tree a few yards from the roadside.
I surveyed the land and couldn't help but be awed by the beauty of the glittering blue waves dancing alongside the rolling green hills.
It had a different beauty to Liverpool.
China town was cramped but I loved how life flowed through its streets. People everywhere wrapped up in their own worlds of drama.
I would never have that sort of luxury…
To run through a mundane life of meeting a boy raising a family- none of that could be a part of my future.
I drew out one of the white sticks and produced some matches to light it.
From where I sat I could see most of the road and how it wound through the quaint village and out onto the coast.
Little houses branched out inland whilst the great castle stood as sentry to the harsh north sea.
I heaved a great sigh retrieving a matchbox that held a few spent matches. I took one out and made the rehearsed action of pretending to strike it. In reality i had sent my energy to the match to give it life again. And so the little flame was born and no one who may have been witness would be the wiser.
Little things and yet getting them wrong can get you killed in this world.
The burning times were 'long gone', so they said. But i knew the state of the world.
Living in a cosmopolitan city means you get a concentrated snapshot of the world.
All the culture crammed against each other- all with their own dramas that have unfolded over centuries… the world changed and yet it never would; always on a knife-edge over the eternal abyss.
I lit my cigarette and return the charred stick to its box before leaning back and inhaling the smoke.
I took a few minutes to wallow in my misery of being uprooted from somewhere I didn't have roots to be plonked in some village that was ' quaint' all over.
I glared at the community.
Quaint usually meant 'outsiders not welcome.'
I also felt safe in the assumption that my race and previous address would do me very few favours here.
As i pulled the poison into my lungs at an aggressive pace i could feel that strange feeling.
It was an ineffable feeling- heralded by a buzzing sensation under your skin as though you feel the thunder cantering across the sky before theres a cloud in sight. It singles you out and yet makes you so small.
I stared into the cold blue; the ground lifted from my wary feet.
When the storm hit it blew me far, far away.
The sky was black, The stars were gone And the moon glowed an eerie jade green.
I stood in a walled garden. It was not the quintessential english garden that i was to see in Bamburgh.
The red pavilion was adorned with gold and precious stones. I walked towards it suddenly landing on the pavement when i hadnt known that i was floating. I turned around to look behind me but the path of grey polished stone fell away to darkness.
It was all around. All that was, lay within sight. The garden with its pavilion set upon a pond which spilled into the darkness. The moons glow made the waters a pool of emerald.
A willow danced above the water before rooting beside a bridge.
A stone bridge that seemed to fade into the darkness- not as the water and the shrubs that lined the wall before suddenly being cut off by the darkness.
The stone shimmered before ghosting into the darkness leading to god only knew where.
All was bathed in jade light .
A shadow flickered from withing the structure.
Maybe i should have thought before running into a dark enclosed space to investigate what could be anything - but i didnt.
I couldnt.
My heart wouldnt let me as it raced ahead called on by a force that made it swell and ache.
In side the pavilion the floor was polished marble. As i stepped onto its surface the dark veins came alive with golden light. I hopped from on foot to another amd each footfall the gold followed until the white marble was shining with golden veins.
I was spinning in body and mind.
Until a hand shot out from the darkness to stop me.
My head snapped to search the shadows for my captor.
He stepped out boldly. An Asian man of 30 or so with jet black hair tied low.
His clothes were… unusual to say the least.
He wore what i knew to be a traditional chinese robe- however, it was midnight blue and had so much embroidered detail that it should have been in a frame protected as much as a bloody monet!
The embroidery was of dragons mingling with wistful clouds of varying colours.
On his chest a ferocious yellow dragon stared clutching a great pearl.
''Who-'' i began to ask very aware of his hand still holding my hand. But he interrupted.
''You are far from home gōng zhǔ…'' he stared at my eyes as his thumb did one turn on the back of my hand before he suddenly dropped it.
His face which had seemed gentle and sad became stern.
''You are not your own woman, Mei Su.'' he threw it as an insult his face showing his distaste for whatever it meant to him.
''You are a creature of their bidding, a slave and yet you seek further approval from them?!- what will you do to unbind your soul from the devils, Mei Su? How will you rise to your destiny if you let others be the the ones to lay down your fate?''
He knew my name- was all i could really process from his barrage of questions.
When i looked into his eyes something stirred in the back of my mind. A memory came to me of darkness and warmth- i was being held my small hands kept tight hold of his coat.
Suddenly a knock echoed through my head like a death knell.
I was revealed to the rain and cold as the stranger said.
''We will keep her under control.''
Then hands snatched me from him and i saw his face as he watched them take me.
''Baba.'' i said.
He smiled with some sort of satisfaction that i remembered him.
'' you are my Gong Zhu, you will rise to the call: i know it''
As he spoke I saw that the golden glow was fading - out side the confines of the pavilion the blackness was growing; consuming what the jade light had touched.
''Mei Su !'' my attention snapped back to him.
''You have to answer the call- do you see? You are our hope for the world… dont let them break your spirit, gong zhu- dont give them your soul.''
I stared into his inky eyes a strange mixture of anger and longing in my chest.
He must have seen my emotions play out in my features because his softened once more.
''There is so much to say Mei Su…'' i could here the regret anchor his voice. he could see that the darkness was at the door...
He bit his lip before grabbing my arms to tell me firmly and i could feel his urge to convey something.
''I love your mother, Mei Su, by the goddesses grace she gave me you… but our love came at a price. ''
He turned to see that our time was almost up.
He kissed my fore head gently as he wrapped me in his arms.
''You are cherished, treasured and loved. Always remember that, Mei Gui Hua… ''
He pulled back with a wry smile before he whispered, ''fiadh-ròs''.
With the last word his face was drowned in the darkness and i had to feel his loss like a dagger to the heart before i too fell to the dark.
