8 Please Don't Let Me Go

From that day forth I haven't received something, haven't heard anything, and haven't felt anything about my reasons to live.

I wish Harry didn't give up on me that quick.

It's been a week since that mini incident in the hospital, it was an intense moment for James, Khan, Liz and I.

It was not supposed to be that way, we were just there, staring at each other waiting for someone to ask what happened, Liz seemed to have gotten that my situation is not the thing that can be treated overnight. Khan just stupidly stood there not knowing if it is something to worry about or not, while James just sat by my side ready to support whatever it is that can happen.

And all of a sudden as if God answered my prayer, a doctor came. He didn't wait for my parents to come; it all came suddenly, everything.

"Cheen needs to start chemotherapy." that pretty much said it all. Liz just cried silently at one corner never wanting to see me. Typical reaction.

What shocked me was Khan's reaction, he immediately hugged me and he started to cry. I've never seen him cry, I thought nothing can make him cry. "We're here Cheen. I'm here."

And for one second there, I believed in him.

I am now ready to go to school. After a week I know that I am ready. My mom pleaded that I wait for another week, but I can't just seat around waiting for my hair to fall out until I go back to school bald.

No. I'll go to school as long as I look perfectly fine, nobody will suspect a thing.

James waited for me at our front door porch, his face radiated by the rising sun, he looks happy for a while, and it made me feel that maybe there's hope for us. There is hope for me.

"James." I said as we walk to the junction where the school bus usually stops.

"Hmm?" is his only reply, I looked at him and he just kept on walking his hands on his pocket his gaze in his feet.

"Did you tell Harry?" his name sends shivers in my body that either I cannot explain. I haven't heard from him since that day that he told me he will let me go.

I didn't understand what he said, but I feel empty since that day. And it even broke my heart without even knowing why.

"I didn't." James answered, and I didn't ask anymore.

"But he knew." he sighed and smiled into nothingness, "I never told him anything, but he knows what's happening. It's like that with us; we never say anything but we understand. I guess that's also how it is with you. He understands you in a way that you can't, he knows you in a way that I don't." James added in a sad voice.

I was about to ask him what he meant but the school bus arrived and we never uttered a single word to each other.

We reached school and I was quite disappointed that Harry didn't ride the school bus that day, he usually does. I wonder why he keeps on ignoring me.

Weeks passed, Liz and Khan are not talking to me yet, I guess that they're all guilty. Harry is still a no-show. I haven't seen him rode the school bus, nor have I seen him in his locker. I even haven't seen him lurking around our house.

I hate to admit this, but yeah, I miss his face and crappy attitude. I miss how he suddenly barge into my room just to piss me off. But of all the things I hate most is Harry, just Harry. I don't know what the hell that means, but yeah, I miss Harry. Arghhhrrr! You are becoming crazy Cheen! Stop over thinking.

I arrived at school that day having no one to go home to, James is out somewhere, both my parents are at work, Liz and Khan are still not talking to me, Harry is missing. So I'm pretty much alone. And I hate that.

I dropped my schoolbag which makes a loud crash when suddenly somebody stood up from our sofa.

"What the hell is that?" My heart keeps on beating so fast when I heard that very familiar voice.

It's Harry.

"Oh, just you. What's up with you and loverboy, I saw him gave you a rose. You know what? He should have originality at least. Single rose? Pfft." He said with I guess a little of irritation.

"How did you know that?"

"I saw it. James and I saw everything. Well I hope you're happy I know he's the one you've been dreaming off and all that." he said steadying his gait.

"Are you drunk Harry?" I asked in a calm voice.

"I hope you live a happy life with Khan and have lots and lots of babies and..."

I slapped Harry hard on the face.

"Wake up you moron! I'm not dating Khan or anyone!"

Harry smiled, his eyes stared at me with rage building up, he grabbed my arm and leaned towards me, his breath smelled like alcohol.

"You can't have both Cheen." he said, I blinked the tears that are threatening to fall down my eyes.

"I know those reasons I've been receiving then, are from you. Funny how you gave up on me without even really fighting."

Harry laughed sarcastically and released me from his grip. He walked away and all of a sudden he spoke with his back still facing me.

"You know what's funny Cheen, it's that you don't even try to fight for yourself." and with I watch his retreating back, as he is enveloped with darkness.

Just when I was about to turn my back from him forever, he spoke, with questions I cannot dare to answer at once.

"Will you live the rest of your life with me then? Will you waste the rest of your life with me just because I asked you to? Would you want me to be with you? If yes, then I'll fight for both of us."