5 Let Me Be The One

"You're not getting away with this." Khan said as he is being dragged by James

"Come on Khan, just stop asking." I replied calmly ignoring the fast beating of my heart.

Later that night I have dreamed again. But this time, it is even clearer.

He is wearing his hospital gown. He is intently looking at me like his saying goodbye while tears run down his face as he slowly closed his eyes. Still his face is blur.

As the nurses and the doctor declared his death I could hear a lot of voices. Crying in pain, Sobbing in sadness.

"Time of death: 7:45 AM"

"Time of death: 7:45 AM"

Still, those statements echoed around the area.

"No! Don't leave me love!

I have woke up with tears in my eyes. I was about to get out of the bed when I heard my phone beep.

1 unread message

Let's talk later at school please. I really want to know the truth Cheen. 😟

-Khan

Harry is about to strangle me to death when James stands in front of him stops him. "Hey, just put your jacket on."

"But duuudde…" he sighed, "it's a thousand degrees!"

"I'll wear mine too, if you're that embarrassed." James said putting his jacket on. I smiled at James, how lucky I am to have be one of his closest friend but you know what? I think Khan is luckier to have someone like James', I mean, they're not romantic or anything, they're just best of friends.

I didn't know I'm still smiling when someone held my hands straight in front of me.

"Why, you really are fine. Haven't seen you smile like that. And you have a rose. Who's that from?"

I look to see Khan standing right in front of me being like a maniac? Who's it from? Well I was kinda hoping it was from you, my mind whispered.

"I have no idea." I said. And then shoved it to my bag before Khan can snatch it away from me and read what it the note said.

"Our teacher isn't here so we have a free first period. Wanna come with me to the playground?"

I nodded. Our university has a playground since it is located at the back of the high school and elementary department.

We sat at the swing and silence filled the air.

"I'm really sorry for storming off like that. I forgot how easy it is to talk to you. We haven't have this kind of talk ever since Liz came into our lives don't you think?"

The sound of Liz's name makes me want to hurl and vomit right at Khan's polished shoe. Why can't you love me instead, I hear my brain scream.

"Yeah." I answered.

"What's with you and Harry?"

I looked at him with one raised eyebrow, "Errr. Nothing. Why do you ask?"

"It's just that you seem closer, and I see him looking at you sometimes."

I laughed, how can Khan be so naïve, he notices people looking at me while he doesn't notice me looking at him? Pity.

"Harry is cross-eyed, please don't tell me that you think he's checking me out. That guy is crap."

Khan laughed and touched my hand, "Yeah. I've been thinking about that lately though I don't know why I even bother."

Maybe it's because you love me. hahaha. I wish!

"Where's Liz?" I didn't see her anywhere.

"She was transferred to another section; apparently she's taking Advanced Algebra." He said with such pride in his voice, I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

I'm smart, I know, but studying feels like dying so I don't study at all, hence the low grades and line of 7 marks.

"Wow." I just said with feigned joy and happiness for Liz.

"I've been meaning to ask her out."

"She told me you asked her out."

"Really? What did she say?"

"Well she looks pretty excited."

"You don't seem happy."

My gaze fell in Khan's eyes, well what do you think I would feel? I loved you ever since I met you! "Don't be silly I am happy for you."

"You know you can always tell me everything. I know you. And you really, really suck at lying."

I smiled, ironic isn't it? I've been lying about my feelings for Khan for such a long time and here he is, lecturing me about truth and lies.

"I really am happy for you."

"But?"

"Do you really want to hear the truth Khan?"

The swing is then stationary and the only voices I can hear are the voices of the kids playing near us. If only life was that easy.

"Yes."

"I am sick Khan." I almost laughed to myself; I will confess this stupid disease of mine instead of having to confess that I love him. I'm a coward. And only up to this day have I proven that.