1 (leah-marie)

Journal Entry 1

it was an accident.

i didn't mean to get that drunk... or high or buzzed... i'm honestly not sure which is which. it was just supposed to be a party, you know, my first party. i was an emotional wreck, and i just wanted to try something new and get away from the old. it seemed like my life consisted of constant repetition of prayers to a god i couldn't see or feel. growing up in the religious household my parents had brought me up in... there was no room for mistakes. sin. there was no place for that. just pure ness and holiness etc etc. the thought of my parents finding out about yesterday... it made me shudder.

yesterday.

"leah marie." they only used her real name if there was discipline in her near future. leah ran through the last hours, trying to think if she had missed any chores, or piano lessons. "leah marie, you see, we just got an email from a... parent... of one of your peers. apparently you're friends with their son and he is throwing a party." oh no. they said the p-word. this was going nowhere good. in the minks' household, party was a sin. the word, the action, the event- everything to do with that word. "leah... remember what we taught you about associating yourself with party-goers?" she could either pretend she forgot... and suffer the consequences of not knowing one of the house rules... or try to play it cool... "yes father. party-goers are weak souls that take unnecessary risks such as taking drugs to try and reach what their heart desires, when they don't know that what their heart desires is in God's Holy Word." "lovely sweetie," my mother chimes. "now, tell me, are you going to associate yourself with this..." my mother puts her glasses on and peers at the printed email. leah notices many spelling errors are pointed out, with arrows that lead to bullet point... the words uneducated, lost soul, and misguided are neatly written and highlighted on the white of the paper. "declan...?" her mother finishes, finding the evil party-goers' name. "no mother, i sincerely apologize. i honestly didn't know he was such a bad influence." leah's mother smiled sweetly, and her father put his hand on her shoulder. "don't be sorry to us child. be sorry to your Father in Heaven. tonight, read in James and pray for understanding. the instruction in James always guided me back to the Lord after i went astray. "yes father." leah replied. she then walked to her room.

it was between her parents' room. they slept separately. one room on each side of leahs'. upon closing the door, which she was only allowed to do during mediation and prayer time, she leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. she was tired. sick and tired. her parents didn't understand her and didn't care to know her. they just wanted her to know the invisible aloof man in the sky. it just didn't make sense to her. angry, she pulled out her phone. equipped with the latest location tracking app, app tracking app, and phone number being shared with her parents cell phones.... it was useless to try what she had in mind. there was a knock on her door. "hon, it's late, pray and then head to bed. we will see you in the morning." "okay mother!" called leah. she then packed a bag. she threw it out the window. she walked towards the window. and then with one last look back at her Bible sitting on the top shelf of her white dresser, she turned and climbed out of the window into the backyard. free. she knew the address. everyone was talking about it at school. declan was hosting the party while his parents weren't home, of course. leah had known immediately that the email wasn't sent by declan's parents. it was from declan to all the parents of the school. he was being risky, almost flirting with the thought of being grounded. whatever. leah didn't care about him. but she did care about that party. she had been walking for fifteen minutes now. she was close, a block away. here she was in her tshirt and totally not skinny jeans. she shivered. "i should have brought a jacket..." she rolled her eyes. of course she would forget at least one thing. soon enough leah was at the front door of declan's house. her fingers gripped the door knob. she took a deep breath, the rumbling of the bass boosted music making it hard to tell if she was shaking or if it was just the ground trembling underneath her. she turned the knob.

leah walked inside that house with a card. a very special card. she exited unknowingly, having lost that very, very special card.