Lost in Memories

I couldn't breathe. I was gasping for breath. Emotions overtook me and memories floated through my mind.

I was running around chasing the other children. They would laugh and run away whenever I got close. Someone called my name. I stopped and turned to look. My mother was standing with a young boy around my age. I looked at him and knew something was wrong.

Blood was splattered across my vision. The ropes cut into my skin making it impossible for me to move. I heard the screams and saw a smiling face saying it would be alright.

He held my face tenderly as he was saying goodbye. My best friend. My first friend. And the last person I ever truly trusted.

When I came to my senses I had backed away from the computer and I had my back to the bookcase. Tears are in the corners of my eyes.

"W-why is he on the screen," I stutter, seeing me like this seems to confuse both Keith and Vicky. I feel as if his cold eyes are piercing my soul and slowly killing me. I don't want to see his beautiful devil's face, but I can't bring myself to turn away or close the computer.

Keith is the first one to get over the shock of seeing me look so scared. He rushes forward and grabs me by the arms. "Jae," when I don't respond he says it again "Jae, answer me. What is wrong with you?" He looks at the screen and his face pales. He quickly pulls me away from the desk and to the sofa.

Viky, seeing that I am being moved to the sofa, rushes into the adjacent kitchen and quickly makes hot cocoa. The cup steaming in her hand, she brings it to me and places it on the coffee table in front of us. She sits down and holds on to my arm to comfort me.

"Jae, are you okay? Seeing that face," Keith pauses as if thinking how to best describe how I am feeling. I shake my head telling him to stop talking.

"I am fine," I close my eyes and try to think of something else, but every time I close my eyes I see his face. Keith looks at me with obvious doubt in his eyes. "I am fine." This time I am saying it more to calm myself.

"Jaelyn, If you need to talk, you know you can talk to us." I know I should talk to him, but I couldn't bring myself to say what I was thinking. Keith had been there when I was dealing with trauma.

I grab the mug of cocoa that Viky had left on the table. Putting it up to my lips and tasting the rich and earthy chocolate calms the emotions warring inside me. I release a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I'm sorry. I was just caught off guard seeing him again."

I know that I should probably forget about him, but I just can't. He has become a part of me for good and for bad. I have scars from the things I had seen.

"Okay, I need to beat something up." Hitting things always helps me clear my head. I quickly finish drinking and Keith, Viky, and I all end up in the training room hitting, kicking, and stabbing punching bags.