Chapter Four

Ella

May 18th, 2016.

The worst thing about falling in love is that it is completely out of your hands. You can't help the way someone makes you feel. You can't help it if it's a criminal, an asshole, a jock, a nerd, or even some forty-year-old man with a beer gut. You can't help it because your heart will always want what it wants. You can try to the best of your abilities to relentlessly tell it no, but in the end it will always win, causing you to end up falling for the person you may or may not have wanted to.

If it ends up good and you guys end up getting married then great. But nine times out of ten it doesn't work out, and when that person you let yourself fall for breaks your heart you are so broken. The worst part is that there is nothing you can do because you cannot change someone's feelings. You cannot tell someone to love you. If their heart doesn't beat the same as yours then it's out of your control. That's exactly what I hate. Things that are out of my control.

I've never been in love, so I don't exactly know what it's like, but what I do know is that I'm so scared for it to happen. I'm scared to let someone into my life and tell them about my secrets, to tell them about my fears and dreams and what I want for my future. I don't want to have them explore the places of my body I can't stand to look at. My stomach that makes me cringe, or my arms that I refuse to take a second glance at. I can't picture someone being infatuated with me, because why would you want to be? I shouldn't think like this, and if I told my mom about how I feel she'd roll her eyes at me and probably wouldn't even pay it any thought. She'd remind me that I'm beautiful, that I'm worthy, etc. All of the stupid things I hear on a daily basis but don't believe.

I guess overall I'm just afraid for someone to fall in love with me because I can't even love myself.

__________

The next day at the shack isn't busy, but then again I'm working the morning shift. For my fifth day I'm not doing too shabby though. I've waited on two tables by myself, and I've also gotten ten dollars in tips. I think that I might actually be getting the hang of things thankfully.

"Hey," Jess says, tying her apron around her waist in a hurry. "I know I'm late. Sorry, I got caught up in some things."

I'm not sure why she thinks I'd care if she's late or not. Maybe it's because my grandparents own the place. There's an awkward silence between us as she's clocking in, like she wants to say something but she's holding back. "It's cool," I say. "What's up?"

"Nothing..." She trails off, clearing her throat. "Well, I just keep thinking about what happened at that bonfire. I feel horrible about what Rosie said. If I had known that she'd-"

"Look," I say, cutting her off. "It's fine Jess. I'm over it."

"Good." She sighs. "So you don't hate me for it?"

"Why would I hate you?" I laugh. "You were the only one to stand up for me that night." I give an order into the kitchen to Aaron who sends me a salute with his hand to let me know he's on it.

"I dunno," She lets out a huff and crosses her arms over her chest. "I'm just checking on you. I've also been waiting for you to give me the details on what happened yesterday with Patrick."

My whole body freezes just at the mention of his name. I'm trying to remember my tables drinks but it seems to have completely left my memory now. Did everyone see us leave together?

"Um..." I pause, thinking of what to say. "Nothing really. He just gave me a ride home."

"That's funny." She replies, giving me a smug grin. "I've been friends with him since we were kids, and never once has he offered to give me a ride home."

Aaron passes me the tables order, but before I take it I fill up three cups with iced tea. I'm trying not to think about last night, but it's hard not to. His smile has been in my head all day. I don't want to keep thinking about him, so I just shrug and send her a smile. "He's an okay guy." I say. "Kind of a player, but okay I guess."

"Hm." She smirks again, arching an eyebrow up at me. "Guess so."

"Nothing happened!" I laugh. "I have to go wait on this table. Stop distracting me."

Bringing my table their drinks, I head back to the kitchen to get their food. I'm trying to balance three plates on my hands but it's way easier said than done. Jess takes one of them off of my arm and helps me deliver it though, earning a grateful smile from me in return. This reminds me that I need to call my mom at some point today and let her know I actually made a friend. She'll be thrilled.

"Speak of the devil." Jessica says. "This one's for you Ella."

I turn my head towards the door and see Patrick standing there looking around the diner until his eyes land on me. He's wearing another tank top, this one's bright blue, along with a pair of khaki shorts and nikes. I don't know what to do right now except try to push out the thought that he came here to see me. He came here with his friends before, so he probably just likes to eat at this place.

"Jess." I plead. "Really? Take one for the team."

"You got it!" She laughs, closing the swinging door to the kitchen behind her.

Letting out a sigh, I head over towards the countertop where he's sitting and take out my pad of paper from my apron pocket to take his order. He's got that stupid gorgeous smile on his face, eyeing me up and down again. It makes me feel so self-conscious. There's sweat prickling the back of my neck and forehead, and I'm just praying that he doesn't notice what he does to me.

When he realizes that I'm not capable of speaking first, he folds his hands out onto the countertop in front of him. "Ella." He says, his tone completely calm. "Can I order something?"

Of course he just wants to order something. My anxiety and nerves start to dwindle down, disappointment entering throughout my entire body. I should really learn to not get my hopes up sometimes. "I'm not the one running the counter." I admit. "Give me a second and I'll get-"

"From you." He smiles, biting on his lip for a quick second. "Can I order something from you?"

"Um..." I blush uncontrollably, and I think he notices because he starts to laugh. "I mean, you can, but you're gonna have to sit at a table."

Not even taking another second, he jumps up from his seat and walks over to an empty booth, sliding into the leather seat like he's at home. Even though he's so tall he's got such a grace to him. I suppose I have been treating him rather harshly. I did judge him without knowing him, so maybe giving him a second chance wouldn't hurt. I can't go as far as to say that I like him though because he will never like me. "What would you like?" I ask.

"What do you recommend Ella?"

I hold the pen and paper in my hand and tap on the back of the cover, trying to possibly think of what to suggest for him. Nothing is coming to mind, and I don't know if that's because he has a small smirk on his face with a dimple coming out on his right cheek, or if it's because I barely know the menu here, but I'd rather go with the second option than the first. "I don't know." I mutter. "Just order something."

"Wow!" He claps extremely loudly, causing a few heads to look at our table. "Customer service of the year goes to this lovely waitress right here." He erupts into laughter, and then I laugh too.

"Never claimed to be the best. You want to file a complaint?"

"Possibly..." He trails off, closing the menu on the table. "Grilled cheese please."

My fingers clumsily pick up the menu from the table and I pause once he flashes me another big smile. What on earth is he doing here, and why is he here alone? I almost have the feeling that we're becoming friends, which is strange because I seem to be making a lot of friends lately. It's unusual for me. "Why are you here?" I finally ask.

He takes a minute to respond, pressing the tongue against the inside of his cheek before he says, "To get food?" His voice has a sarcastic ring to it, but I can't be sure.

I feel like a complete idiot right now, feeling my cheeks turning the deepest shade of red they've probably ever been. "Right." I mutter, putting my pen and pad away into the pocket of my apron. "Sorry. I just-"

"You don't pick up on things." He laughs, shaking his head in disbelief.

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I just said." He shrugs his shoulders, completely carefree. "Figure it out."

As I'm about to say something back to him, Jess calls my name from the kitchen and points to an impatient family at their table who are anxiously awaiting their check. They're practically giving me daggers through their eyes, so I glance back at Jessica and let her know that I'm going.

"I gotta go." I say. "Um, your food will be out soon."

"Thank you." He responds, that damn smile coming onto his face again. The only thing I can think of to do is muster one back and literally drag myself away from him to wait on the other table. After I'm done taking care of the tables check, I shrug off the fact that I only got a dollar tip from them and head back into the kitchen where Jess is. As soon as she sees me she starts to laugh, causing me to glare at her. "What?" I ask. "He just came to eat food."

"Suuuure." She drags out, nudging me with her elbow. "Keep telling yourself that."

"He's not into me." I press. "He just came here to eat."

"Ella, I've never seen him act like this around someone. Think what you want, but that boy is into you."

I remain silent, wanting to stay in the kitchen so that I don't have to have his eyes follow me everywhere I go. Is he really into me? Maybe I just can't pick up on flirting because I don't know how to flirt myself. I just thought he was being nice and that maybe he was trying to become friends with me. I didn't think that he was flirting.

"Grilled cheese." Aaron says, passing me the plate.

Wanting to make this quick and easy, I take the plate out into the diner and go to give him the sandwich but he's no longer there. Instead I find a twenty dollar bill on top of a napkin that has a number scribbled onto it, telling me to call him tonight.

__________

"Ella, he left his number down! Are you seriously still doubting if he likes you?" Jess rolls her eyes when we leave the diner, pausing to give me a cheesy grin. I wish I looked like her. She's so beautiful with her toned body, her red hair that looks like she could be a Disney princess, and her teeth that are so perfectly straight that it bothers me. Why would he be into me when he has girls around him like this the entire summer, and here I am with my hair all frazzled with a wrinkled uniform on, my eyeliner smudged and sweat still on my forehead from my shift.

"Because why on earth would he like me?" I ask her, finally being honest. I feel like Jess is probably the only person I can genuinely trust here, and to be honest I need to talk to someone about all of these feelings I have for Patrick. It's like a bunch of butterflies haven't stopped erupting in my stomach since I saw his number.

"Why wouldn't he?" Jess asks. I watch her pull out a chocolate bar from her purse as we walk more towards the parking lot and it reminds me of Patrick. I smirk at the thought. "You're such a nice person Ella. You're pretty, you're smart, so obviously Patrick is going to notice that. He's not an idiot."

"But do you see the girls down here? There's so many girls that come here from all over the world to see this beach. They've all got bikini bodies, perfect hair, perfect teeth, and he wants to give me his number? He could have so many other girls that he wants. It doesn't make sense. He doesn't like me like that."

Jess stops walking once we reach her car and turns to look at me, giving me a small grin. "Did you ever think that beauty can come in all sizes? Girls are beautiful as a size zero, but they're also beautiful as a size twenty. Some guys just aren't as narrow-minded as others and see women for the powerful creatures we truly are. Patrick isn't like the other idiots you've met here, he's different. That's why I'm actually friends with him. Don't write him off just because you've been treated poorly in the past. I know what I said about him before about being a player and all, but I've seriously never seen him like this before. Give him a chance."

"You know, you should become the next Oprah." I joke and lean my shoulder up against her car. "I wish all people were like you."

With a flick of her wrist, she tosses her hair over her shoulder and does a spin with her hands in the air. "Well, we are a rare breed." She teases. "But, seriously. Don't try to change the subject. Call him tonight."

Without letting me get another word in, she hops into the car and starts the engine. Before she can pull off though I knock on her driver side window so that she'll roll it down. "What if this is a joke?" I hardly am able to choke out. Jess's eyes soften once she sees my expression, and I can tell that she's trying to think about who the hell fucked up my mind so badly to make me think this way.

"I know him." She says honestly. "This isn't a joke. Call him, Ella. He wants you to."

"Alright, alright." I wave my hand and step away from the car so that she can back up, sending her one last final grin. "If this backfires on me I'm blaming you though."

"Sue me!" She shouts. "I better get called with these details tomorrow!"