1 I didn't understand the meaning of those words

I still remember that big old peepal tree stood with pride in the middle of my village providing its cool shelter without any discrimination to anyone who comes under it. It is considered God in my religion and I could always see a lot of white tiny threads around it and decorated by abir. But I couldn't understand anything about it and it meant nothing to me. It might have witnessed many more in its life; conspiracies, kaput gossips, brutalities of people against people, and more. Though it heard about all those menacing noises, it could never retaliate against it and simply stood upright with its root under its own grave. People with different intentions accompanied it for a short time. They fulfilled what they wanted and left it isolated till the next time but it never complained about anything. It was simply confined by its own weight and within its boundary. Despite any other thing, it just kept on fulfilling its duties by providing its cool shelter to everyone.

All enjoyed that place because we could see the picturesque panoramic view of our entire village. My village was one of the magnificent gifts of this nature. It was the best pass time place for children, adults, and for those who didn't have anything to work on. It was the central hub for the people to gossip and kill their time. Apart from this, there was a small local alcohol shop. Villagers had protested not to keep that shop nearby such a divine place. But despite protest, the shop owner would give some money and alcohol to the village's strong people and continue his business. Most of the youths and old enjoyed their time drowning themselves in the filth of alcohol and talking irrational things. After getting drunk, they would either tease a girl passing by or punish someone innocent who could not fight back. They find pleasure in hurting others who can't defend themselves.

That day four of them were there to block my way as they always did. They were bigger and more muscular than me. 'Son of a bitch, son of a whore, untouchable pig, little bastard, dog, and more, these were the common names that I was entitled to by almost everyone in my village. At that time, I couldn't understand what all those words were and why all people treat me harshly. Didn't I have any name? Why are people in such rage when I am in front of them or pass beside them? I swear I really couldn't understand anything. I was merely five years old to understand these entire things.

One drunkard jumped in front of me and blocked my way. I was terrified as always and I knew I had to again suffer something evil. I was used to their big slaps and cruel boots. Still, there were some marks of their cruelty all over my body. I was not able to do anything at that time also and I'm sure today also it will be the same. I believe, to torture me was the best thing for them to do in their life. My tiny tears could not melt them and those drops of tears only entertained and made them stronger. I pleaded for their mercy every time but those deaf ears could never listen to my innocent voice. When I cried, they would simply increase the level of their brutality. In fact, I could just cry with my voice, not with my tears. My tears had already dried up a long time ago.

But this time they have something else in mind. He caught my hair with his big hand.

"You, son of a bitch!" How dare you come in front of me?

I could just hold my heart as it was pounding unusually. In a feeble voice, I said, "I was just going to my hut. Please let me go, big brother."

What? Brother!!! He rested his giant hand on my cracked cheek. I could feel the warm line of blood pouring out from my cheek. He growled loudly, "I am not your fucking brother. You filthy son of a whore!! I will teach you a fucking lesson right now." His one hand was still on my hair and I was so horrified that I could not think of anything else but just kept on pleading for mercy.

Soon I was surrounded by those hungry wolves and I was their effortless bait in their territory. I could hear all those wicked laughs as if they were invincible and just got victory over a lost battle.

"Hey, Birman! Think of special treatment for this little bastard." said one of them.

"Certainly Raate, I have a brilliant idea. Let's tear his shirt and on his bare chest, let's write "MY MOTHER IS A WHORE" with this blade. Ha, ha, ha all kept on laughing. I always moved barefoot not because I didn't like it but I couldn't even afford an old slipper. My half pant was colourful because it was patched with different pieces of cloth and my half oversized check shirt was already torn at different places.

"Wait, Let's make him smarter first. Cut his hair. Make him bald." You are right Kaaila.

"Give me that fucking blade. I'll decorate this piece of shit." One of them handed a rusted old small knife with a sharp edge to the man who was holding my hair. The other three started to manhandle me. They showed their strength and manhood holding my hand, head, and body very tightly. I struggled just like a fish without water but I could not overpower them.

No hymns were there for this ceremony. I could feel a lot of scars, scratches, blood, and unbearable pain with every falling hair on the ground. "Let me go, please let me go," I screamed in anguish and agony but those merciless ears could not hear any of my voice. And it all happened right in front of that peepal tree that they regarded as a god.

Where is God? Why can't he do anything when this abhorrent demonic thing is happening in front of him? Why can't he turn these burdens of earth into ashes at once? Or was it simply a panoramic beauty for him? I didn't have any answer, none of it.

This ritual was over with a lot of enthusiasm. By this moment I have already lost my voice and tears. They denied coming out. I was still captured by those forceful hands. "Let me have a close look," said one of them. One choked me with his one hand and with the other he squeezed my cheeks and lifted me in the air. "Look at this son of a bitch. He looks like a fucking new bride, doesn't he, Dhane?"

"Wow! Yes, he does. But bride...Guys you forgot something. The bride is a girl...Haha.."

"Yes, but what do you mean Dhane?"

" Mother fuckers, I mean the bride does not have a dick. Let's make this bastard a complete bride. We couldn't fuck his mother, somebody will fuck this bitch. I heard that whore was fucked by seventeen soldiers before her death. Even after her death, some soldiers kept on penetrating her. Those lucky bastards...Ha, ha, ha…"

They were insanely serious. All hands were on my body, some ripped off my shirt and some pulled my pants. They soon had a glorious victory on me, and I had nothing to cover my shame.

"You do it Kaaila"

"No, I just love to see."

"Why don't you do it, Raate?"

"I will do it, you suckers. You hold this bitch tightly and watch closely." I heard this loud mad voice.

He held my penis and put that rusty blade on my shame. I was almost unconscious while they were manhandling me. I didn't know what would happen if Kaale would not have come to rescue me. Kaale came with his few street friends looking for me. When he saw me in that position, he could not tolerate anything and he jumped on those four big guys. They started to flee in different directions but Kaale didn't give up. He was already furious and chased them but returned shortly. I was already numb and didn't feel anything. I was just lying on the ground covered with dust. Kaale came back gasping and some blood on his teeth. He picked up my torn clothes and came close to me. He dropped my clothes in front of me and licked with compassion on my head full of blood. I covered my body with tiny pieces of cloth and Kaale escorted me to our hut. Maybe Kaale was all shattered by what he saw. He didn't say anything on the way but I knew from the heart that he wanted to avenge me someday and we were soon inside our shack.

For me, I didn't understand anything though all those words kept on striking aloud inside my ear. Why do I have to suffer all the time and why do people hate me? I didn't understand the meaning of those words and the whole situation. I just didn't understand anything...