16 Chapter 16: Smiling Could be Difficult

"Good morning Auntie." my voice heavy from sleep.

"Oh good morning dear." she perks up, hearing my voice and comes out from the kitchen into the living room with a plate of pancakes in her hands. I sat down on the chair with my hands on the table. "Girl, what happened to you? Did you sleep well last night?" Her voice filled with concern. I look at her and pass her a weak smile in agreement. "You don't seem like you had a proper rest dear. I'm concerned about you."

"I'm fine Auntie, don't stress yourself over me." I try to ease her though she was right, I didn't get much rest last night.

Was it obvious from my face? All I could do last night was toss and turn on the bed, just at the last moment when sleep engulfed me, my alarm beeped, waking me up. All night long my thoughts revolved around; what should I do and what should I not do, was I hurting people along the way? How many have I hurt from my behavior knowingly or not knowingly? I needed to be careful from now on. This was my problem and only I needed to face it, no one has to pay for it. He was right. I'm glad he showed me the way, I was being too naive.

"You alright dear?" aunt Anna's voice breaks me from my reverie.

"Uh... Yeah, auntie." A hesitant smile appears on my face.

"You can tell me whatever's bothering you, child. I'm a good listener." she puts an assuring hand on my shoulder and somewhat I relax at her touch.

I miss my mother now, I haven't talked to her for two days and I know she'd be worrying about me. I better call her soon before she berates me over it and asks me to immediately come back.

"You woke up earlier than usual today?" her voice brings me back again.

"Well, I guess I couldn't sleep after all," I confess not knowing what to reason her with.

"Oh dear, is there a problem with the bed or anything you don't feel comfortable with?" she asks anxiously.

"No. No, nothing's wrong with anything I was just stressed with thinking... stuff." I admit. She passes the pancakes to me and I grab the fork and knife from the cutlery set placed in the middle of the table.

"Sarah, don't stress yourself over things. Your mother worries about you. She is afraid that you might break down because of your stress, she told me you have been so strong throughout the things that happened and she also knows that you are pretending for everyone's sake when inside you are totally broken." She takes a deep breath. "Let it out once and for all girl." her voice soft and I just nod at her words.

"It isn't that easy auntie." the pancakes lay untouched and I fidget with the knife in my hands. She scoots near to me and hugs me tight in her arms and I lean into her touch. So warm, just like maa. Now I miss her even more.

"It isn't but you have to do it for others and yourself sweetheart. It's probably the most difficult thing in the world but you have to do it." her voice gentle and it warms me up. She moves back and looks at my face and smiles sweetly at me. "When your uncle died it was probably the hardest time for me but I made this decision, I won't grimace any longer. I wanted everyone to see me happy and I wanted to be happy myself and so I came here. However, it was also one of the hardest decision but worth taking. I'm happy here and my family's happy for me too." her voice low and she looks down at her hands.

"Auntie... Staying away from your family is hard, don't you ever plan to go back?" I ask her and she chuckles lightly.

"Sarah, you think I'm probably too much of a wrecked woman, don't you? I visit my family often." her face amused "Your mother didn't tell you much."

"I think she was keeping your secrets." I start nibbling on my pancakes.

"Yeah. Guess so, she would have considered your reaction towards me would be different if she told you so, she wouldn't want you to pity me." Suddenly remembering something her eyes went wide. "Oh! And your mother called twice, yesterday and was asking for you. She is worried about you." I grunt after listening, the bite of pancake halfway to my mouth but I drop the fork back to my plate.

"You told her I was fine right?" I ask her hopefully.

"Obviously I did but she is a mother after all. She needs to hear it from you. Better call her soon than bewail." she stands up from her chair and doesn't leave before patting my back and smiling at me.

As soon as I finished the pancakes I left for my job before bidding my goodbye to auntie.

~~~

"Good morning." I greet Sabrina as I saw her coming out from the changing room. She greets me back sweetly.

"It's going to be a tough day today, hold on tight because it's weekend," she says in a singsong voice while tying the apron around her waist and moves inside the kitchen.

I jog towards the counter and serve the customers as they start coming in. It was a normal day for me, giving away beverages and food, accepting cash, smiling fondly but the only difference was that the smile was not the real one. I had to put it up for the sake of customers.

Almighty, I didn't know smiling could be this difficult at times.

"Good morning." I greet boss as I watch him coming out of his office and he suddenly halts at his place. He eyes me warily but I avert my gaze and focus my attention back to the customers, again putting up bright smiles.

It is my duty to serve boss during lunch break and when it was time I carried his usual food to his office. I went to his door with a coffee and a sandwich on the tray which I carried in one hand and with the other hand I knocked at his door.

"Who's there?" He calls out from inside.

"It's me, Sarah. I got your food boss." I reply to him, nearing my face to the door.

I wait for his reply but he doesn't. I put my ear on the door to hear anything and suddenly it opens and I nearly fell, balancing the tray with both my hands. I watch him as he stood beside the door holding the doorknob. I immediately rush to his table and put the food on it and retrieve the tray back and leave his office as soon I finish but I could feel his burning gaze behind my back. I turn to look back and found him still standing at the door frame, holding the doorknob and eyeing me. I immediately rushed back to the kitchen.

when my shift ended, I changed back to my dress and came out of the changing room. I bid my goodbye to everyone and was ready to leave when I saw him outside the kitchen with his hands crossed over his chest and his body leaning on the door frame of the kitchen backdoor. I lower my gaze and was about to move when.

"Hey, don't you have anything to say to me?" He asks me with an arched eyebrow.

"Uh... No boss?" I reply to him, thoughtfully.

"Boss?" his brows shot up in the air and his body not anymore in support of the door frame. "Did you just said, boss? Because I think I didn't hear you right."

"Yes boss," I reply, plainly.

"Are you alright?" he asks, quizzically.

"Ummm... I hope so?" he moves closer to me, eyeing me again. "If you don't mind. I have to go home early." I say and he stops in the middle.

"Well yeah sure...." He says, scratching his chin and avoiding my gaze.

"Goodbye boss." Without looking at him, I leave the cafe and walk towards home.

Reaching home I took a bath and talked to my mother on the phone. For twenty minutes she scolded me for not calling her and the other time she asked if I was okay and if I wasn't overdoing things and of course Maria bugging in between and lecturing me about the sins of the city. I asked about father and they told me he was fine and being 'fine' meant the usual thing. I told mama that I'll be sending her some money in a couple of days so she could buy medicines which weren't affordable before. Before I ended the call, mama made me promise to call her daily no matter what happens.

Later at night, I sat together with aunt Anna and she told me about her day and asked me about my day. All in all, we had a great chat together. She also asked me if I could do some writing stuff so she could refer me to her company because it would be better if I could work with her, she says it'll be fun too but I told her I haven't ever done that so, for now, I'm comfortable with my current job and could think about it later.

After dinner, we both went to our rooms. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about my day. It was usually the time I went out to the building. I lay their asking questions to myself.

Would I be able to see him today?

Was it really an effective way to approach him?

Was I risking my life with others this way?

Would this way lead me somewhere?

What I concluded was that I definitely needed a plan and to plan, I needed something that could lead me to it. So I get up and dress and leave home as quietly as I did.

After half an hour I was hidden in the alley. My face focused to the building opposite of it. My mind racing and various thoughts hover me; what if I got caught? What will they do to my family? What if I'm already being observed? Fear grips me and I grunt.

Maybe this was a bad idea coming here again.

I shake my head and divert my mind by thinking that nothing unusual will happen again. Suddenly I see a truck from the corner of my eye, racing towards the building, it stops in front of the gate and men come out of the building, all clad in black. They surround the gate and let the truck pass in after clarification.

That's it, I got a plan.