1 I AM OKAY

The usual time of every concert. The assistant , secretly hinting him to perform just one more song and end it by delivering his warm sincere words of gratitude.

He held the mic tight, because for him holding his life together is not possible anymore. And with a voice, that now the world lives for , "what's that?! " ** applause, screaming fans, shouting ** he laughs ,'oh, that's nothing , that's my upside down life ,from which I'll force out a meaning anyway "

"So you guys want to see my new single?!! "" He smirked because he was decently successful in pulling out a meaning from the mess. And the crowd applauding like : That's exactly what we want, yeah!!

"But before that, before that "".. " I want to say ...." his one hand holding mic to his mouth and other illustrating his words.

"There is a sea of you in front of me people who idolize and love me, and a sea of people behind me, my crew who support me,

can you see how I trapped I am?

You can see how blessed I am.

Like standing on a delicate verge of perfection.

Everyone has my back here , everyone is there to support me through thick and thin.

And you still expect that I am not being drived and just being who I am.

Thanks for loving me for who I am and accepting me and encouraging me to be regret -lessly myself ."

(~) music :

. Is it okay? To feel this way

I wonder is it a balance?

Or am I faking?

I am not myself

Or there is no me !

Have to create it

But there are many

Too many lies

I am okay, best one to say !!

Storm, inside my heart...

And suddenly, lights out, crew running on stage, managing their systems, Saiph , repeating the usual last moment must say phrase, " I love you all. Love " he repeated love to make sure of  unfamiliar word came out right. He can't hear it even if he say it himself. He is becoming numb to depth of emotions, unfamiliar to feeling them. Unaware to their meanings.

....                                                      

Saiph dropped the newspaper on the table, and put both hands around the coffee mug to feel the warmth at its most calming temperature.

Suddenly love jumped to enter his vision.

On the newspaper unusually bold written "lost love or love lost "

"hey blue " he said in a smoky voice, his throat definitely hurt from yesterday "Damien's on the front page"

"Sure, "his assistant blue said. "that's what he is about, damned devil for his haters and powerful demi god for his supporters "

Saiph with his eyes fixed on front page, pushed away the laptop, put on his glasses, took a sip of coffee, sat on the sofa.

"no caffeine please " blue interrupted.

"I can't get my eyes to open dude "

"eye cream, eye mask, eye roller, steam treatment, " saiph annoyingly turned to give him the look, and blue went shut quite.

Saiph  put down the mug on the table and lifted the newspaper erect in front of his eyes, the article was going to be a more effective eye opener after all.

" love,... Upon hearing this word something came to your mind? Love.... Do some feelings, emotions ran through your body?. Love.... Did something take over your heart.?

Well because love is a powerful word, actually it's more then just a word. But there are people in the world who can't relate.

Literature says when you find the right person, the one, then you can understand what love is.

For a highschool player boy who goes on saying he loves someone every other day , and apparently his sincere love shifts from one person to another at a surprisingly fast rate. What do he know about love?

For a unloved child, a victim of abuse, an orphan, a bullied person, who never received love, still knows it better.

To the point :

Some people, even if they are lost, they are ruined, they feel alone and sad, even if people misjudge them, even if they are seen as a bad person in the society , even if they are hurt by love itself , they will be healed to the extent that they can feel love in the air that sounds them. Because they were worthy all along , even when they were broken

And some people, who are loved ,who hold everything in their hand, who are looked up at, who seem sourrunded by supporters will never know love because at some point they betrayed love, they did hurt it. By making fun of it by cheating , by holding down it's worth by spitting it like meaningless word. By seeking the comfort in it and not fulfilling the commitments that goes with it.

If you say the word love, and not feel it in every part of your body, means you certainly don't... "

Saiph turned the page in a pump of curiosity, but the next part wasn't there. Upon turning pages back and forth he yelled " Where is ,ahm... Blue where is the next page " he was not in a good condition to yell.

"on the next page " blue was confused. "it's not, " saiph said checking it again.

" why do you want to read some made-up rumors against yourself? "

Immediate thought, is love against me? Conscious thought "no, no, he hasn't written against me ,it's a general article . "

"hard to believe , words by Damien and not against you " blue said with a accent from the kitchen.

"okay, just go, get me the full paper " in fidgets

"I am making your breakfast " blue didn't wanted to buy some piece of negative words against his own boss.

" What did y...what?.... You...

I DONT WANT TO EAT YOUR ..."

Saiph's eyes fell on the laptop and he impulsively dragged it to his lap.