Chapter 2

Liyana:

3 days, I have 3 days to think of a way out of this. I never prepared for this. Why can't a person just keep to themselves without showing the world eveything? I have been fine so long. I thought things will always be fine. Why do I even fool myself. Nothimg has ever stayed same.

You might be wondering why am I acting like a person having existential crisis. Well, that is because I'm a asked to attend an event for finding the person named Yana Réver at an event where I'm also asked to participate by the same name. Made sense? If not, you don't need to understand either just like everyone else.

"Hey, Liya!" I fliched hard when my door burst open, making me miss a step and fall head first on the floor.

"Ow...!"

"Opps!" If it isn't the famous dramatic entrance queen.

"Luci, do you not know when or how to knock?" I said getting up annoyed.

"Have I ever knocked anyway?" She said walking inside owning the place like the queen she is.

Why is she here now?

"Are you going to stay on the floor?" She asked sitting down on my bed judging me clearly.

I got up dusting myself while rubbing my head. Smiling  she eyed me to take a sit. Glaring I sat down on my study chair.

"Have you spoke with dad recently?" She asked checking my room.

"No, I've been a bit occupied." I replied looking all over but her.

"You always are." She mumbled rolling her eyes at me, making me turn at her.

Have she finally turned back to her sassy self? But she close to never comes to my room.

"What does it matter to you if I do or don't anyway?" I asked confused.

"Inconsiderate as always. When are you going to actually put effort to understand for the family, without being just a sacrificial lamb?" She said sighing, which pissed me off instantly. 

What's her deal?!

"Luci, I don't care what you think of me being of use or not. Get to the point. You've been acting off since you came back and I'm getting mixed signals here." I said openly. I'm tired of playing her games.

"I know what your talking about. And I admit I've been a bitch to you all these years. I don't deny it. It was worse back when Grandmother was alive. But you gotta understand, how she treated me." She looked upset for the first time. This girl here is never upset. Even if she is, she never shows it.

"She simply didn't like your work. She thought it was risky for you. She loved you none the less." I reasoned.

"Yea right. She thought it was a bad influence on the Caldine name. I wasn't a nerd like you and she hated it. She wanted me to be some proper lady which I've never been or am. That's not my fault." She replied standing up.

"She didn't want you to be like me, Luci. I was always the flawed one in her eyes and that's why she wanted to get that image with you. You always had the confidence and power a Caldine should have. I didn't." I let out truthfully.

I know this because I was closer with Grandmother. I knew as much as she loved me, she knew I was a failure at being her image worthy of a strong Caldine. I was shy and quiet, where a Caldine was bold and stood her ground. Despite how much she scolded Luciana, she liked her bold attitude.

"Confidence, my foot. I was wild, still am. I liked living my life my way and loved the freedom that being a Caldine no would would've allowed. So, I did whatever I wanted to achieve it. You submitted and I didn't. Simple." She shot back.

I shoke my head sighing. We'll never get anywhere with this conversation. I even forgot why we're even having it.

"Luci, why are you here anyway? You came here to say something, so say it." I asked changing the topic.

She turned to me and smiled. Suddenly took my hand and made me follow her to the bed where she sat down then made me sit beside her. I was too shocked from the gesture to even protest or utter a word. She touched me after probably 10 or 15 years. The last was when she beat me up for touching her stuff.

"I just think we should talk more. You know, both of us never did that in years, if ever." Her eyes held the genuinity that I haven't seen ever.

I was more than just shocked at this point. I was scared. My sister was acting weird. She has never ever spoken softly with me. Since I was small, I've only seen her angry or indifferent expression. And it was reasonable knowing I did give her a lot of pain. It wasn't intentional but I did it none the less.

"Luci, what...happened? I've never seen..yo..-" I was lost for words. How do you ask your own big sister who has never had a peoper conversation with you that why is she acting normal?

She let out a laugh, which held a bit humor but a slite sadness in them. She's making me worried. Is she okay? What happened? Why us she acting like this suddenly? Did Céline said something? Or dad? That's impossible. My father's indifferent about our relationship since forever. Maybe Céline said something. For sure. Luciana listens to her.

"Did Céline said something? Um, you know..-" She cut me shaking her head in denial.

"She said nothing. I've been thinking about it for a while. But never thought up any way how to approach you. Being indifferent to your sister for 20 years and then suddenly wanting to talk to her is a weird feeling." She smiled which made me laugh a little.

Almost making me cry. She has never called me sister before. This is all new to me. Like I'm experiencing my first proper relationship with a proper family. Like I found my sister back. That I've asked for years, if not for decade. The only family I ever wanted to care for me. To understand me. Till now I probably would've never accepted how much I missed her, if that's even possible.

"Why now though Luci? Seriously, is everything okay?" I asked finally calming down.

"Nothing's wrong, let's just say I realized some fact of my life. Weird, right? I thought so too. But then I relized I never did anything thinking through, so why this time. I just went with my heart and here I am." She shrugged. 

"You have always went with your heart and that's what I loved most about you. Something I envied a lot growing up." I replied looking at our joined hand.

"Really? You never mentioned." She said sitting comfortably.

"Might I remind you, you hated when I spoke with you." I said smiling back.

"Oh, right. But I didn't hate you though. I just envied how everyone sympathized with you while expected me to be perfect." She said looking out the window. The sun was seting outside emitting a beautiful mixture of colours in the sky.

I never realized she felt this way. I always thought I was the insecure one. She's always been the perfect flawless one. I was filled with them and stood in the shadow by choice and she shone.

"You are perfect, Luci. I wasn't. I have always been a nervous wreak, weak, afraid and lacking every bit of confidence." I replied softly squeezing her hand.

She turned back and smiled before shaking her head slowly making me confused.

"No you weren't exactly like that, not at the begining at least. You turned that way mostly because of the circumstances and and I probably added more on that plate. Made you conserved which only added to how you've turned out. Nor to forget grandmother didn't help much." Her reply made me question what she meant, she only laughed thinking to herself.

"I don't know how much you remember, but back when you were small, you used to argue, a lot. You used to have more savage remarks than I could ever have. They used to call you the feisty one. I was simply the naughty one. You barely ever made any stupid mistakes while I was always messy. You were the smart one of our family. And you proved that pretty much with how you accepted everyone's faults like its your fault despite being the smatest one of us. I was just clever girl. The clever and calm one they said." She shrugged and I laughed.

Thinking I slowly looked outside that to me have always  been one of the most beautiful time of a day, evening at twilight.

"Mum used say that, didn't she?" I asked slowly looking back. She simply  nooded looking out as well.

Luna Réver Caldine, that was her name. I envied it a lot. But at the same time, I loved mine too because she gave it. They said I was the calm proper baby since I was young, it fitted me. Luciana was always the wild child for us, always jolly, full of life.

I was only 3 year old, when my once beautiful mum started to look sick. She was a very fit person, so it was unusual, she said it'd pass. That it happens some time. We were too small to realize anything. I'm not sure if she did either what she was ignoring.

My father was always away in bussiness, he was still barely managing the falling bussiness his careless father left him. He had to keep the Caldine family at its shine, but maybe he missed out what made us Caldine to begin with. The kind strong personality weren't in my dad as much as they were in my mum. My grandmother called her a true Caldine than my father.

Luciana had just turned 6 and me almost 4 years old. I still remember that day, barely. Everyone left after Luciana's birthday. It was one of the best day we both had. Even back then Luciana was annoying as ever. Always pranked me with her friends, but I never minded knowing mum was always on my side. But she was weak, a lot weak that day. It was noticeable with how many asked if she was okay.

It was around 11:30 at night, mum allowed us to stay up a little late that day to open Luciana's presents. We both were busy in our room when we heard a sudden crash surprising us both.

Luciana ran toward it while I was too small to realize the importance of it. When nobody came back, I slowly got up to find my sister. What I found is still imprinted on my eyes.

There were people dressed in some blue dress, taking my mum away in a bed. Luciana was crying holding our nanny. Grandmother was shouting and crying and followed them out. I stood, alone in the stairs wonder where they took my mum. I wonder if I even cried. I'm not sure.

I do remember waking up the next day in the car where my dad was driving me and my sister to somewhere. We reached a place where he said mum was. We went into a white room, it was too white for my mother's liking. I knew it. I ran to my mum instantly happy to see her after a night without her. She engulfed us instantly as we both crushed her with our weight and she laughed. That was my mother's last laugh.

She soon got more sick the following day and they took her into this room where she never returned from. Even after asking for the million times, no one said where mum was, only cried. When I was finally getting pissed, I pulled Luciana to answer me. That was the first time she hit me back. That one slap across my face made me realize that I not only lossed my mother that day but my sister too.

It was ovarian infection that was untreated after giving birth. Nobpdy noticedand miss medication and false digonostics caused it turn into Sepsis in the long term which slowly worked as a slow poison. Her own body turn on her. Immunity into poison that took her life. And painful eyes feel on me.

Why you might ask? I was a difficult birth. They blamed me for it. I knew I didn't do anything intentionally but at that age where'd I find the validation of understanding that. And the insecurities and guilt put me into a mess I never got out of. Even after so long, so grown up, I still ask if I could've did something different, knowing or unknowingly. I wonder.

*****

"So, what happened?" Luci asked as we sat opposite each other with pizza inbetween us.

It's weird how just openning up a little after so long can make almost two stranger so close. So close that one decides to snuck in pizza without telling anyone before dinner because they felt like having it.

"What do you mean what happened?" I said after swallowing.

"You were marching in your room before I burst in." She said like it was obvious.

"And how do you know that? You just came in and I stopped." I said wondering myself.

She only rolled her eyes and asked,

"Just shut up and spit. What's got you on edge?"

"Uh, work mostly, I got a feild project I never did before. And it's a bad situation for me." I answered without giving in more details.

"What feild project? You work in magazine, your suppose to be good at this." She said taking another slice.

I just stared at it. This is her fifth slice and she's a model. I'm not sure how at this point.

"Uh, at a book event. I need to find an author." I said looking at the pizza sipping my drink. I suck at lying. One talent I've yet to conquer.

"Hang on, is this about you secret writing?" I instantly chocked on my drink.

"What! How do you...?" I wasn't sure what to ask to not get it all out. She's too good at this.

"Liya, I'm still the clever one and not to forget the older one. No matter how mature you are, you can't out smart me. I've known about you writing secretly for a while now. One of my friend is your fan. I saw and checked it out of curiosity. Imagine how surprised I was when I found mum's name on it. It was an easy guess. You should be more reserved and smart about it if you want it to be a secret." She smirked. I only sighed.

"Yea, fine, whatever." I mumbled.

"So they want you to find you or what?" She said and brust into a laughter after noticing I wasn't replying. I only cursed at her.

"If you got nothing to do but laugh, get out." I said as I got up.

"Okay, okay. Let me think. How about, you tell them that Yana Réver never came to the event and you go there as Liyana Caldine just for a check. It's just for reviewing your the work.  Your publisher knows you right?" She suggested after thinking which made a good plan.

"But what if in excitement she spills the bean in front of my fans. She tends to be very excited." I asked worried.

"Then you'll be famous. Simple." She said stealing my drink and grinned.

"Aw, come on. Luci, you know I don't want to be in the spotlight. I hate it when I get unwanted attention." I replied clearly upset at this point.

"Yea, but at some point you have to Liya. How long do you plan to stay hidden and mope?" She asked setting the drink.

"As long as possible." I shot back instantly. She rolled her eyes amd sighed.

"You know I've heard, you're book made the top chart three times this week. There's a possibility that it might get featured as a New York's best-selling. What will you then? Will you ask them to not publish it?" I looked at her who had the most annoyed look now. I know ehat she means, and I know I have been avoiding it.

"They'll never do it. No publisher would cut off any huge profit. And the moment it gets published as one of NY's bestselling, they'll ask for a face reveal. You're aware of this, right? Then what? You'll go hide in a basement or something? I don't see what's wrong with it anyway."

I'm not confident enough, that's whats wrong. I work in a magazine. No one is more aware than me how your life gets in full display when you come out in the spotlight. People know where you are before you go there and know what you did before you do it. It's too much for me. I have enough as it is. I can't handle more. Being a Caldine has it's perk, but for me the dowside is too heavy to carry it. But I can't just say this. I cant just put up how insecure I am about eveything in my life.

I felt a hand on my hand which made me snap back and I looked at Luciana.

"Listen, I know the pressure of being a Caldine and still going along with life like everything's fine. Trust me, I've had my fair share of bulshits. I'm not as confident as you think I am. I'm always worried one mistake will make me lose whatever I'm trying to hold or ruin the family's name and career, then be blamed for it." She said and got out of the bed. Walking up to the mirror she fixed her hair and snatched my drink again.

"But life is too short to hold back all the time. This time, take a leap. Stop moping around and live a little." She smiled. I smiled back but I wasn't sure how much I believe in myself as she did.

The next morning, I went with my sister's plan. I decided to attend it as Liyana and finish the review. But I won't reveal my identity. I just hope my publisher doesn't get too hyped up on the popularity and does something stupid.

I did call her to inform that I'll come but I don't want to reveal my identity. She seemed to understand and said it was okay. So I hope everything works out.

Just to seem unprofessional, this time I picked a black casual sweater and wore a jeans with it. Tying up my hair, I pulled out a black simple boots that looked like I could walk in and not kill my feet, which normally most of my other shoes would.

I don't own any casual shoes since my workplace mostly requires pumps, heels or flat shoes. It's mostly just formal shoes in my life, unless there's an occasion which I rarely attend. 

"Yo!" I heard a muffled call from the other side of the hall.

Turning, I saw Luci standing there yawning.

"Morning." I smiled back.

"Here," She said before throwing a leather jacket at me.

"Wear this. You look like you're going to a funeral."

"You're lending me this? It won't fit me." I said looking at it. I'm too fat for her clothes.

"I'm giving it to you. I don't wear it, I'm not into leather jackets." She said before pointing it.

When I was still busy thinking if it would fit me, she rolled her eyes at me huffing.

"I'm not that thin and you're yet to reach a fat limit with how much you eat. Wear it and scoot." She said and went back in her room. 

I finally put it on and it did fit me, but the shape was short which only came till her mid-waist. Luci would call this trendy, I call this cheap. Do not judge me. I'm just told to be very careful of my attire. It's not a joke being part of a well named family.

Just as I reached my car and unlocked it, I heard a shout. Turning, I saw it was coming from Luciana's window.

"Lets go riding later." She screamed back while munching something. If dad hears her shout like this, he'd flip. Thank god, grandmother is not here anymore. It could've been worse.

Is she eating again?

"Sure, after I come back." I shot back as she slammed her window shut.

Somethings never change.

Laughing to myself, I drove out of the mansion. It was only a one hour drive to the place. Before getting out, I put on my sunglasses and took my laptop bag. Stepping out, I walked inside the event building. Even though I was early, it was still fairly crowded. Calling my publisher, I immidiately went inside the seperate booth from the back door, incase anyine noticed me.

"Yana, baby, how are you?" She asked instantly hugging me.

"Hey, Willow. How are you?" I asked smiling back. Her normal black hair has turned a bit white, not sure from worry or age. But she looked fairly young. 

"As fine as I'll ever be. Would've been better if you decided to attend the event in real and not in disguise. You look good though." She said straightening my jacket.

"You know, I can't. I work in a magazine, Willow. It will be a disaster." Explaining the reason for I don't know how many times.

"Isn't that supposed to work in our favour?" She shrugged.

"Not for me. I'll be called a lier and an embarrassment." I shook my head following her.

"You're lending the top charts of NY's bestsellings. How is that ever an embarrassment?" She turbed and asked.

"My boss always been very adament on me being honest. I'll lose that respect when he realizes I never mentioned this once in all 4 years I've worked under him." I finally sat down beside her.

"You do realize this will come out one way or another right?" She said handing me my files.

Why do everyone keep saying that? I know and I'm well aware that someday this will get revealed, but I want it to stay hidden as long as possible. What's wrong with wanting to stay out of public view? Can't I avoid unwanted attention?

Willow's secretary handed me the giveaway books that was said to be signed by me. Smiling to myself, I started signing them. It wasn't many, just about 100 books. That's less compared to how many they sell now a days.

Once done, I check the time, it was afternoon now. I haven't had any food other than snacks. So I decided to leave now. On the other hand, the crowd was starting to increase. I'd prefer not to be seen by them. While walking out, I paused a little.

I didn't check any of the other stations here. I mean, I came, so I might as well enjoy it. They have many types of stuff, but since I'm into writing, might as well check what other writers are there that got featured. I can get food from the forecourt too.

Deciding, I leave to take a look around the event. I did find two of my recent faviorite writers, which made me happy. They were giving away there latest book for free. Thankfully, I got a copy too. While roaming, I noticed an artist section. I'm not into art, but being a Caldine, I had to learn things like understanding artworks too. Pearks of being a traditional family's lady.

Thinking, I went inside just to take a glance. Even if I'm not interested, they are very pretty to look at. To be honest, I never got interested because I knew I can never compare with such talented people. Their works are inspiring and terrifying at the same time. It's scarry how well they do, and how less people appreciate them.

Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. Startled I turned to meet with a stunning pair of eyes which seemed familier.

"Hey," A man stood towering over me with his 6 feet or over height, in his hoodie.

"Um, hi?" I replied nervously.

"I was wondering, what's you thoughts on the painting?" He asked which confused me. But then I looked behind to see where I was standing.

Behind me was a beautifully drawn painting of a closed eye, colored in realism form with its veins boldly showing through skin.

"Is this yours?" I asked curiously, still mesmerized by the artwork.

"I believe so." He replied in a much deeper voice.

"It's beautiful, but painful too." I replied honestly.

"Painful? How?" He asked and I could sense curiosity in them.

"It's an eye after tears have been shred. The pain is clear even in the form of it's closed eye. Although would've been even better with a little more vivid colors." I replied still engulfed into the painting.

"I'm surprised someone actually cought that." His words snaped me back which made me realize I was still talking to a complete stranger.

"Um, yea. Sorry." I said turning back.

"Don't be. I appreciate an honest opinion. So, it's alright. Miss Caldine." He said as I instantly looked back at him, clearly confused.

"How do you know my name?" I asked instantly.

He chuckled a little before pulling down his hood and glasses down which made me instantly gasp.

"I also know you have been working on my story for a while now." He said which made me wish the ground could open and shallow me whole.

Do I always have to have the worst luck in everything?