2 Chapter 2
“—an abomination! A sin against God! I thought going to church would straighten you out, but it’s like you want to burn in Hell!”
“I’m already in Hell! The only difference is it’s not hot enough and even Satan isn’t as crazy as you are!”
“You watch your tone with me, boy! If you don’t like the roof I’ve put over your head and the food I put on this table then you can pack your things and go!”
“Maybe someday I will! Living in a cardboard box would be better than living here because at least in a cardboard box I don’t have to listen to your bigoted bitching all the time!”
“Don’t you use that language in front of your mother!”
“Oh, so you can call me a faggot and a queer and tell me I’m going to Hell every other night, but I’m not allowed to complain? That’s bullshit!”
There was a smacking sound and Mama cried, “Adam! Don’t hurt him!”
“You stay out of this, Sandra! This boy needs to learn his manners or he’ll never grow up to be a real man! He’ll just be another disrespectful punk burdening society!” Leon sniffled and Dad got even louder. “Now he’s crying! Oh for God’s sake, can’t you even act like a man for once? What did I do to deserve having a pansy like this for a son?”
Mama urged Leon to go to his room. When I heard the footsteps, I quickly shut my door and went to play with my trains. I hadn’t understood everything, but I knew about the people in cardboard boxes. Sometimes when Mama took me shopping with her I’d see them by the dumpsters behind the grocery store. I asked what they were doing there and Mama said, “That’s their home. They have nowhere else to go. God have mercy on them.” Leon said he would rather be a box-person, as I called them, than live in our house. I was sad and scared at the thought of losing my brother.
Dad and Mama were still arguing in the living room. I snuck out of my room and down the hall to Leon’s room. When I knocked, he didn’t answer. “Leon? Are you there?”
The door opened. Leon had his hand to his face. “Hey, Joshy. What’s up?”
“Leon, are you really going to live in a cardboard box?”
Leon frowned and his shoulders drooped. “I—I honestly don’t know, kid.”
I hugged him around the middle. “If you do, I’ll come visit you lots. Maybe I could get a box too and stay with you sometimes.”
“Oh…Joshy…” Leon backed into his room with me still attached and closed the door behind me. He knelt down so we could be face-to-face. There was a big red mark on his cheek. “I don’t want to leave you here with D—uh, with no big brother. I know it might be…scary when Dad and I fight, but you mean a lot to me and I really hope I can stay. It’s just…Dad and I don’t agree on a lot of things, and he wants me to be something I’m not.”
“A real man?”
Leon flinched at the words. “Yeah. A real man.”
“Is that like in Pinocchio? Where he wanted to be a real boy?”
That made Leon smile a little. “Sort of like that.”
“Then can we ask the Blue Fairy to come make you a real man so you and Dad will be nice to each other?”
“It doesn’t really work like that, Joshy. What Dad thinks—one of the things we don’t agree on is what a ‘real man’ is. Dad doesn’t think real men can dance or think things different from what hethinks. It makes him upset that I’m not…not exactly like him. Maybe someday he’ll realize that I’m just as much of a man as he is, if not more so.”
“You yell a lot like Daddy.”
Leon’s smile turned sour. “I guess I do.” His eyes got watery and he sniffled again. He quickly wiped his eyes with the base of his thumb. “Um, Joshy, why don’t you go back to your room? I um, I have homework to do.”
“Okay.” I gave him another hug. “I love you, Leon.”
“I love you too, Joshy.” He ruffled my hair then opened the door for me.
I crept back to my room. Mama came to check on me a few minutes later. “Why doesn’t Daddy think Leon is a real man?” I asked her.
She was quiet for a while. “Daddy has his ideas and Leon has different ones. A-And Leon…Leon does some things that Daddy thinks only girls would do.”
“Like dance?”
“Yes, for example.”
“But Leon’s a really good dancer. He dances better than all the girls I know. When Kate dances she falls over, and Tammy just jumps up and down and says that’s dancing.”
“I know, sweetie, but your father doesn’t see it that way. It wouldn’t matter if Leon was a better dancer than every girl in the world, your Daddy would just say that means he’s more of a girl than every other girl in the world.”
“He’s not a girl though. He pees standing up, like me. Girls can’t do that.”
Mama chuckled. “No, they can’t. I mean Daddy thinks Leon acts like a girl, and that upsets him.”
I pouted. “That’s stupid. Leon does boy things too, like play basketball at the park and watch TV shows about snakes and lizards. Girls are scared of lizards. Leon’s not scared of anything.”
“I’m sure Leon is scared of something, even if it’s not lizards.”
“He’s not scared to live in a cardboard box.”
Mama was quiet again. She bit her lips and her eyes teared up. She patted me on the head. “Leon’s not going to live in a cardboard box. He just said that because he was angry.” To this day I don’t know if she really believed that.
