10 You Who Took My Soul

"Sin that pays its way can travel freely, and without a passport; whereas Virtue, if a pauper, is stopped at all frontiers."

- Moby Dick

"What have you done, Blaine? Look what you've done! It's all your fault. Look at my dress, all dirty. It was white before but now it's all stained with blood. My blood...." She was slowly walking towards me, my hands and feet were trembling but I couldn't move. She looked hideous, devastated.

"I-I'm so sorry. I never wanted this to happen. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't bring back people from the dead. You caused this, so you need to die too. You need to die!"

I felt myself getting sucked into a void and I opened my eyes. I felt something cold on my temples. My tears were evaporating. I must've shed them while I was having this nightmare. Letting out a deep sigh, I checked the time. 4.23 am.

What a great way to start the first day of school...that too, on a Monday.

Since I woke up anyway, I decided to go over the first lessons on YouTube and packed my bag. The time was 5.25 am and I was sweating already. Such was the heat of our town. It's time to get the air conditioner repaired again. I cleaned my room, set out planners and new books on the shelves with new pens in my cups, each holding different colors, sharpened my pencils till they were pointy enough, and trimmed my bangs realizing they blocked my view and I possibly couldn't go to school with a headband. I'll be made fun of, more than usual. I always liked my room neat and tidy with everything visible to me in its respective place. But I was like that only when it came to my room.

I went into the bathroom to take a shower and saw my torso still covered with slightly purple bruises and stitches (self-made) which almost healed, thanks to Callan and his group of good looking orcs. I shouldn't have gone to the grocery store last Friday, but who would've thought Callan would be there?

It should be fine as long as Callan doesn't play dodge ball in P.E class today...or shove me against a locker or throw me to the ground. Yeah.

After a shower, I hid my blade under the shampoo bottle after the cuts I made on my arms. Mom must never find out. Sometimes, physical pain is a better distraction when dealing with nightmares and bad memories. I headed for the kitchen after I wore my sweatshirt with long sleeves and I was surprised to find Mom beside the worktop, dancing to Backstreet Boys.

"Well well well, look who's here!" She beamed with joy.

"The Mailman," I wanted to say, but I couldn't so I just pointed my finger to the window. Damn this excessive selective mutism.

"Oh. I'll go see what John brought us this lovely morning. Flip the pancake for me, honey?"

I simply nodded and made my way to the stove. I was making my third pancake when Mom rushed in squealing like a teenage girl with a large envelope in her hands. Did she perhaps win the lottery she'd been trying for eight weeks?

"I got you an appointment, Blaine!"

I was hoping it wasn't what I thought it was.

"Your surgery!"

Just as I had expected. I flipped the pancake harder like hurling cement on a brick before vigorously shaking my head.

"Why not?" Mom frowned. "You have a chance of getting better and living your life like a normal teenager. You're eighteen years old now and I want you to be happy, not some ill, brooding nerd who lost his confidence and voice. Sweetie, you don't have to worry about the money. Plastic surgery is not that pricey anymore."

"Happiness is something I can never afford, Mom. I'm so sorry for hurting you like this."

I wish I could find the courage to let my voice out and tell her that. I just stood there, looking down at the pan, waiting to flip the pancake. She understood I didn't want to talk about it. I never did. She threw the envelope on the couch and tied her hair in a ponytail.

"We'll talk about this later. Eat your breakfast and go to school."

I showed her the plate with five pancakes and butter on top.

"You know I don't like sweet things. I'm having pizza from last night and you're eating all of those pancakes. I'll make you watch The Jerry Springer Show the whole night if I see any leftovers."

Terror on my face, I nodded and left for school on my cycle, and when I got there, I parked it in a corner where nobody could see it and vandalize it like the last time. But real hell was about to begin in the hallways. These were one of those times when I wished I had the power of invisibility. It's an immature thought, but there's no harm in wishing for magic or a miracle. Unlucky kids like me need it the most. As I made my way into school, I tried not to run into anyone and at any expense, I couldn't let Callan see me before class started. I was approximately ten steps away from my classroom and I felt my hair suddenly yanked from behind and my face was smashed into the lockers. I think my nose just broke.

"Running away like the mouse you are eh, Blaine?"

I shook my head, denying what he said as I tried to loosen his grip on my wrist with cuts. Callan knew how to make a grand entrance. He shows his dominance in school by bullying me and other weak kids. Even the teachers are not spared sometimes. Of course they couldn't do anything. He's the son of the Mayor, so he can do whatever he wants in this town.

"You know, I don't feel like going to school unless you're there. I have other people I can go to for entertainment but you, my friend are just the right source of fun for me."

The stinging pain in my wrist began to grow more, so I pulled my hand from him using all my force.

"Ah, so you like to get arrogant don't you? You've lost your manners during the holidays, despite our meeting last Friday? You need discipline. Don't you guys think so?"

Callan's friends filled the hallways with cheers of 'yeah's and I started trembling.

"I'll go all Dolores Umbridge on you, just you wait."

He pulled my sleeve and he stopped his motion, before snickering at me.

"You've saved me all the work, Blaine. You cut yourself like a chef! Such a pathetic loser you are, and you always will be. Wait, what's this smell?"

It was too late before I realized I wet myself, with the student body surrounding me. Tears were streaming down my face but I still couldn't say a word. People were laughing and taking pictures.

"Would you look at that. Still got nothing to say even after all these years, Bennett?"

He came close to me and then whispered, "You're sobbing without sound? I have got such a perfectionist actor as an acquaintance. But don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Everyone here thinks you were born mute but I know too well that's not true. That's because I shut your voice and it will stay that way, right Bennett? You know what's going to happen if things don't stay the way I want them to."

Callan thinks he's the reason I've been holding onto silence for a decade. I'll let him think that for now.

The stench of my urine slowly found its way into my nostrils, making me feel nauseous. I knew Callan better, he lets people go if they don't react to him. It "doesn't entertain him" or so he says. Keeping in mind my unspoken and forced vow of loyalty to him, I nodded and bowed my head so he would understand I would not try anything to let my voice out. My vision turned blurry due to the tears pooling in my eyes, waiting to gain freedom from my sockets, ready to flow down like the Nile.

"Hey Blaine, do you breathe from your mouth or nose? They're both joined together so I bet you probably sip your juice through your nose, don't ya? How do you even live everyday with that deformed face?"

And that was it. Any more, and I would have my asthma attack again. Tears were flowing down my face like a broken reservoir because he hit the spot. Getting surgery for a cleft lip and palate on an eighteen year old boy wasn't a big deal. But I don't deserve it. I was born with this, yes; but keeping this condition of mine was a promise to someone, that I would never have it fixed. The bell rang, alerting the students who ran off to their classrooms.

"See you around, Zombie Bennett," Callan said, and left for his classroom with his minions. The teachers were never mad at me if I was ever late to class. I was a hardworking student who never got into trouble except for going late to class during episodes like these. I went to my locker, pulling a spare pair of pants and underwear. Getting bullied makes you ready for any situation, mentally and physically. As soon as I closed my locker, I felt a hand on my shoulder from behind and the scent of sweetcorn overpowered the stink; and I knew who it was without even looking behind.

"I'm so so sorry I'm late, Blaine." I turned around to look at him and I wasn't surprised. Long, golden hair tied back in a ponytail, a sky-blue shirt and of course, sponge-bob pajamas with sponge-bob slippers and his infamous tattoo of the Wayward Sisters from Macbeth peeking out from his folded sleeve; there stood Elwyn Belcher before me. He always loved cheating his diet three days in a week because he loved boiled sweetcorn. Nobody would think of him as one of the best ballet dancers in the country from his lack of elegance and fashion sense. His voice was very smooth though, almost like a girl's, but with a deep pitch.

"Catalina told me what happened. I'm so sorry I wasn't here earlier. It's just that, I never thought they would start this right away on the first day of school."

Catalina was a good friend of Elwyn's and mine. I shook my head, letting him know it was okay. Besides, nothing much would've happened even if he was here, with me. In fact, I felt relieved for his absence or they might have done something to him too. That's how it always was. Get in the way of Callan, and he'll start getting in yours.

"You need to stick to me at all times. Starting tomorrow, we go to school together, we go home together. I overslept this morning, else I would've come with you. I can't protect you when he's around but I can keep you safe by trying to get you out of those situations."

And exactly how are you going to do that? I wanted to ask him but it immediately slipped my mind.

I took out a paper and a pencil from my backpack, scribbling down words as fast as I could and showed it to him. He began to read it aloud:

"Please don't be burdened because of me. Everyone knows you practice ballet till late nights so you have less amount of sleep. I don't want you getting hurt because of me and also, your house is far from mine. Eh?"

After reading the note, Elwyn raised his eyebrows at me with folds on his forehead and his blue eyes looking at me as if questioning my sanity..? I wonder why...

"You...you're a straight A student, aren't you?"

I gave a single nod.

"Then how dumb do you have to be to realize I live in the house three blocks from yours?"

I paused and thought about it. That's right, we're like neighbors! Taking the paper from him, I wrote again:

"I'm sorry, I forgot. I don't go out much so I didn't remember about that."

He sighed, and told me, "Well I'll make sure you remember from now on. We've been friends for almost ten years, but I still feel I'm distant to you. I want to help you in any way I can, Blaine."

I just stood there, without responding, till Catalina came to us.

"I don't even know what to say...You poor thing, Blaine..."

"Catalina, please call the janitor to clean up this mess on the floor. I'll go with Blaine. Whom do we have our first class with?"

She looked into a paper and answered, "Biology, by miss Esther."

"Tell her Blaine fell and hurt his nose and that I'm taking him to the infirmary."

"Will do. Take care, Blaine. Be brave." She said and left.

______________________________________________

THE INFIRMARY :

"Okay, you're probably worried thinking it's a broken nose, but it's not. It's just swollen, so there's no problem."

"Thanks, Mrs. Daskalov."

"Anytime, dear. Oh, I'll leave you here so you can change into clean pants."

Like a robot, all I could do was nod. Mrs. Daskalov was an elderly woman with a very warm nature and one of the most beautiful smiles I had ever seen. Her wrinkles only made her look more lively. She caressed my cheek, saying "It breaks my heart seeing such a good boy come to me bleeding. I know you didn't just fall and hurt your nose. Word travels here faster than the speed of light."

She patted my shoulder and left the room.

"You know, there still is someone whom Callan can't mess with. There's this bunch of fraternal triplets at school. I've heard they're twice as dangerous as Callan. The good part is that they're chivalrous kids; they go to church every Sunday and they're all very popular among the ladies. But they mess things up pretty bad if anyone picks a fight. I think their family is some super-rich mafia gene pool."

I looked at him with confusion.

"Of course you wouldn't know. We only have two classes with them and you never raise your head except for when you want to look at the blackboard. There's three of them and they're called the Aita Brothers. They are the-"

Elwyn froze all of a sudden and zoned out for some reason. I clapped my hands in front of his eyes and he came out of his trance.

"Whoa...now that's interesting."

Did he remember something?

"There's this thing, Blaine. There are three of the Aita Brothers. But I saw someone else this morning. The fourth one, a girl. I couldn't see her face, but her hair...I don't understand. Is it silver or white?"

That sentence made my heart skip a beat, as I was reminded of hearing something very similar.

"It's strange, isn't it Blaine? I can never understand if my hair is silver or white. Gosh!"

I didn't know my nose had bled too much and that I was losing my consciousness. All I could focus on was that memory before I collapsed.