1 Jealousy Is the root to the evilest ways

KAIDEN

It's quiet for an April morning, especially for a cool day mixed with the blazing heat of the sun, a chance for people to enjoy the weather - but I guess this is everyday life for this place.

The sky is a blue ocean of emptiness without a single stroke of clouds. Strikes of plane vapours glide through the illusion of blue the scent of freshly cut grass hovers in the air, the sunlight hits my skin, the warmth soothing against my skin, the light breeze whisking through my hair, the locks dancing wildly through the air.

School is mandatory, I'm sure I was told that from the beginning. It's just some days I fail to believe the reasons why. Being born smart doesn't make my problems easier. Waking up early, the journey there, then the lessons that feel like they lead to nowhere. All of us know the possible consequences but we still go ahead and jump free-minded into problems. Today's one of those days.

The school has a mad atmosphere, people rush around desperate to catch up with their friends - it's only been 2 hours but they act like it's been 2 years. I exhale deeply in annoyance and try to navigate my way out of traffic. There's this obscure feeling, passing each other in the corridors reluctant to make eye contact, but we all feel the same thing under to the same room just afraid to speak.

As young as I am, no matter what I do it feels like I'm standing frozen, trying to catch my breath, demanding the clocks to slow down or to stop altogether. Am I one of them? Do I belong here? I shake the thoughts out of my head and carry on walking, shoving my hands in my hoodie pockets.

I'm sure it's winter break now, there's no way I'm going into the hall. Leon is probably in that sweltering mess that the school called the cafeteria.

I recognise Cheryl as a friendly face and approach her, she seems deep in conversation with Marcus. Her hazel eyes speckled with gold like glitter settle onto mine and her face warms up as she sees me.

I know that she's close friends with Leon, ever since they've been 10-years-old when she came to America, he was one of the first people that closely supported her through the transition and culture shock - she's close enough to know everything about him, but far enough that she steers clear out of trouble.

"Have you seen Leon?" I ask calmly.

"No, sorry Kaiden. He could be anywhere around the school, he's never in one place you know how he is." She jokes.

"Yeah, no kidding."

"Anyways, how are you doing?" She asks.

"Do you want me to tell you the truth?"

"Yeah, of course. What's going on?"

"I feel sick like school makes me physically sick," I answer truthfully wondering if she'll listen.

"That's not the first, trust me. I know."

"No, it's different, I just, I just, have you ever just wanted to leave everything behind and just run away. I don't know. Something like that, it's stupid never mind." I say, resting my head on the table. She stares at me silently before smiling in reassurance.

"It's okay to feel like that, it's not alien or strange at all... Have you talked to your Aunt about how your feeling?"

"What? No. Are you mad?! She'll get all those stupid parenting books out wondering what she did wrong, blaming herself, crying--"

"Leon?" She suggests.

"He hardly cares," I say bluntly.

To my surprise, Leon passes me.

"I'll catch you later." She says getting up quickly thinking I'll speak to him, and disappears in the crowds.

There he goes again, the saint, the saviour, the best of the best. Anyone new here would've thought he was a king. It's a human wonder if he loves the attention. Who am I kidding? Obviously, he loves the attention or else he would've bailed the second the doors of popularity were swung wide open for him to enter.

"Don't take it personally." I turn around to see where the voice came from, she's seen me staring at him.

"He got lucky."

I scoff in disgust. "I know I'm better than him so I have nothing to worry about."

Do any of us actually know when the opportunity of fame comes our way?

I watch my brother intently, a strong wrath growing inside of me as I see his stride through the corridors with that wild smile on his face, swinging his arms not caring about his surroundings, absolutely carefree and happy - never tense, unlike me. Not even on edge about teachers telling him to knock it off, it's not like he has to be, he's earned enough respect from both sides of students and staff.

You'd think I'd be where he is, being Leon's little brother gives me a ticket right? My mind and heart hunger for answers; Why can't I be like him, intellectual and athletic? Outgoing and deep at the same time? How he still manages to be the last one standing after a hurricane?

I am nothing like him. But I still look up to him like a hypnotised child following his Dad.

Maybe I had my window of opportunity, knowing me I probably threw it away as soon as it came. At first, it was the questions of "Are you Leon's brother?" When I'd say yes in my answer, their expressions turning in awe and instant respect in the same moment. And because I've never gone further in conversation, that's how I was crowned as - Leon's little brother.

My blood begins to boil rapidly, as I'm watching him again, flirting heavily talking about something that seems to interest the girls around him. How does he do that?

That's another thing, Marcus tells me not to worry or think he's better than me. That's pretty hard when the obvious is in front of you. But I can't show it.

Marcus practically suffocates with all the attention his brother gets. He offers to listen to whatever I need to say. But I can't. There's no way I'm risking my reputation. He says Leon has his own talents, talking with depth and normally most of the time. He has this way of capturing you in seconds, relating to you, making you feel good, telling you things you need to hear.

I tell myself I have no reason to be jealous, everyone has their own advantages. We're equalled in different things that cancel each other out. When Aunt Cassidy asked me to choose between homeschooling or going to high school with crazy, argumentative teens, I seemed so open to the idea. Being with Leon seemed like the best thing in the world. Finally being able to extend my knowledge further with people on the same level. But now I'm only seeing how naive it was to think that way.

It's logic - There's no one my age here, trust me, it's lonely, and it's all because of my mind.

Why do I have to be so damn smart? Why can't I be average? Why am I so... abnormal? I overheard my parents call me that once. I may have only been 3 years old, but those words still made sense to me. I never actually occurred to me until now, I always considered people my age as under me, over the years my socializing skills have slowly disappeared into an abyss, it hurts when I see them in the streets laughing and smiling. I always wonder what they're talking about, can I join in? People here communicate differently, everything isn't what I thought it was.

I'm a prodigy. Everything is supposed to be better for me.

I stand uncomfortably at the side waiting for him to pass me, sweat clamming my fingers, my eyes trying to meet his desperately. My mind kept screaming the same nonsense over and over again, "Look at me! I'm your little brother you haven't forgotten, right?" Nothing comes out of my mouth.

He stares at me for a second, a blank expression on his face then walks on to join his friends.

Swinging my bag over my shoulders, premature anger starting inside me. Storming out the school doors I take refuge outside, the cool air hits my skin immediately calming me down to recollect my thoughts. Suddenly, the piercing wail of the bells echoes behind me, swarms of students making their way back, screaming, hollering or finishing off a heated argument, as I stand to wait, to decide. I never thought this through, maybe I'm overreacting.

**************************

LEON

I'll explain to him later, he's going to have to listen whether he wants to hear it or not. That's the way it's got to be. The school counsellor's been a great help to me all my years being here but the words playback to me "How I need to let him stand on his two feet, his intelligence may be high, but his emotional understanding needs to be nurtured." To me it sounded like they were telling me to back off and leave him alone, none of them knows how much he struggles. I feel so helpless when I watch him struggle. I can't back off, I can't stop checking on him. It's just natural for me to worry about people, can't they understand that?

But Kaiden doesn't realize what disconnecting yourself from the rest of the world does. It sucks that no one knows him for what he really is, so his inner treasures are hidden while his arrogance is the only thing people see. He's probably grumpy over something small.

This has been the happiest I've been in weeks, no, months. He's not about to ruin it.

KAIDEN

Faking an asthma attack isn't as hard as it sounds, it's as easy as pulling a sickie or skipping school - basically, just fake something common that usually would happen or not the usual Repercussions are not my problem, I'm always prepared. I'm not wishing bad things on myself, I truly do have asthma everyone knows that, so it makes things easier.

1) I absolutely zone out of class. I'm tapping my pencil staring into emptiness and listening to the rhythm of my taps.

2) People start to notice me, look at me in worry and ask if I'm okay. I pretend I can't hear them, my fingers tremble, they worry more, the teacher finally realizes something's wrong. I hold my head in my hands exhaling sharply and struggling to inhale air, now I'm wheezing, shaking and quivering violently.

Someone taps my shoulder, calmly asking me if I can get up. I shake my head in response, the entire class is then asked to leave. Their eyes study me in pity and worry. With my head still down, I can't help the smile spreading across my face. How am I so damn smart? Some people are so gullible, stupid - I could be here all day listing words.

I didn't really want to stall, it would waste time, yet I didn't want to move too fast or else it would look suspicious. So, I spent 20 minutes sucking in my wallows, desperate to get out of school. When accompanied to the office, I was hoping the teachers would disappear. It never crossed my mind how I'd get home. I have no ride since Aunt Cassidy's probably out in the city somewhere. They gave me the chance to talk to her, I had to say the correct things, no stuttering, no tripping up on words, no messing up - one mistake and she'd sense it miles away.

My Aunt has a taste for these things. I remember when I was younger and stole a full packet of sweets from her cupboard. Big deal you may think? But for me, it was like a celebration. She suspected Leon because it sounded like something he would do, he was angered at the accusation, then was grounded. It felt so guilty I owned up. I thought I'd get in trouble so I burst out crying. I remember her smiling then trying her best to calm me.

"I knew that all along." That was all she said.

Maybe she did, maybe she didn't, she knew how to sweet talk me at such a young age, I believed her - and so far, she's proved faultless.

A woman smiled down at me and spoke carefully in a soft tone probably thinking I was still recovering from my "attack" she asked me if I'd rather walk home or wait it out till the end of the day. Making an asthmatic walk 30 minutes on the unpredictable streets of Florida is out of the question. But I desperately need to get out of here.

I know that I'm not up for walking, but I'm left with no choice, on the positive side, walking leaves me time to get supplies on the way home. Reluctantly, I take the receiver out of her hand and answer cautiously, making sure it sounded like a guy who's just had an asthma attack - weak enough, but not enough that she thinks I'm too tired to walk. Strong enough, but not too much that it gives everything away.

"What happened? I'm coming to get you." She says in an anxious tone.

"Hey Aunt Cassidy, I don't know, I just, I just panicked, I don't know what happened."

"Where's Leon? Why isn't he with you?"

"I couldn't find him." The last thing I want to think about is him.

"It doesn't matter, there's no way I can pick you up right now... Do you think you could wait till the end of the day?"

"I can walk home." I quickly suggest.

"Are you sure? Are you sure you can't wait it out?" She says.

"Positive. This has to be the worse one I've had for years."

"You're only twelve. I can't let you walk all the way home." She sounds hesitant. This is how it's always been, I may be smarter than what my age is supposed to but she always has this habit of wrapping me in cotton wool.

"I'll be good."

"Call me when you get back?"

"For sure."

My voice suddenly traps when I realize this is the last time I'm talking to her and hearing her voice. I shake the thoughts out of my head. It's not like she ever cared.

No, I know she does.

I debate with myself for a moment when I realize I'm still being watched.

They'll act as they care, then when the time comes they'll disappear.

I run out the gates before my mind has time to change. On the roads ahead, traffic is at standstill, cars park motionlessly, agitated drivers blare their horns impatiently. Dull, low hanging clouds now block out the once blue sky and a slow, ominous wind now blows over. I feel people's gazes follow me in suspicion of a boy-looking kid walking around in the streets during school hours.