30 | I Know

Raiya

I turned around for a brief second only to turn back around to see him sleeping against the tree. Why is he sleeping right now?! As I walked closer, I noticed how terrible his complexion was. I placed my hand on his cheek and forehead. I couldn't see it before because it was dark, but he was pale. His breathing was uneven and his body was burning.

I wrapped his arms around my shoulders to carry him on my back and then I noticed his injured hands and placed him back against the tree. He wasn't wearing his usual bandages. All the scars I have given him was out in the open and I couldn't bear the sight. Looking closer at his finger tips I noticed his torn off nails and blood clots. It was also infected. He had stab wounds on his hand and thigh, none of which were treated as well. They tortured him! He could've died any moment, yet I was so rough with him.

I stared at these hands that pulled his hair and slammed him against a tree. Every time I touch him, I always end up hurting him. If someone's hands needed to be cut off, it'd probably be mine. I carried him on my back and we returned to the palace.

I was angry when he suddenly disappeared and left behind a letter of farewell. I searched for him only to find him in the Raven's nest. If ZhouHan wasn't there to stop me, I would have invaded their territory to bring him back.

I waited for twenty days to prepare a well thought out plan to infiltrate and bring him back. Within those twenty days I had killed several Ravens that informed me of a certain prisoner that'll be used as a sacrifice to unseal a door in some tomb to bring chaos into this world, the Raining Door. There's not much information behind it though, just rumors that unsealing that door will open a new realm that will overthrow the world we know as of today.

ZhouHan also informed me of the power within Junhe's eyes. Greedy people will always want power if they can take it. If that was the case, then I just needed to make sure to protect him even more.

Can I protect him though? With these hands? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Someone should be protecting him from me instead.

When JunHe ran from me with that white headed Raven, it angered me. I spent days to rescue him, but he turned his back on me. I couldn't control my anger, so I snapped. Wasn't he held there against his will? Did he not want to be saved? So why is he running from me?

Then I heard his reply and I was even more enraged, but I hurt him again. It wasn't till I saw his complexion that cooled me down. From a young age I have always taken my anger on him. It still hasn't changed. All I needed to do was treat him better yet, I couldn't even do that. It was probably in my nature to make him suffer and it was already too late to change this kind of relationship.

It was a four day trip back to the palace and Junhe didn't wake up even once. When we got back, his condition turned for the worse. If it had been a day later, he could have died. His wounds were cleaned and treated with proper care, but his fever was still severe.

He stayed in my room with me. I couldn't bear having him out of my sight. I placed a cold towel over his forehead and tucked the blanket under him for warmth. I sat there for a while watching over him until someone knocked on the sceen door.

"I'm coming in." said ZhouHan.

He glanced at Junhe before shooting me a glare.

"I'm taking him back to my quarters" he said.

"No. He'll stay in my quarters from this point on."

"General, I brought him here. He's my responsibility." he said confidently.

"Your responsibility? Look how easily he was taken under your watch." I glared.

"I know there's no excuse for what happened that day, but he doesn't want to stay here! He cut ties with the Yun family and begged me not to bring him here, yet I did. It was for his safety!" he pleaded desperately.

"..."

I know. I know that more than anyone how much he wishes to avoid me. These hands that can't even touch him gently. Always hurting him. Always adding to his scars. However, I want him to stay by my side. I can't bare the fact of him choosing to be with others than myself.

"He's staying here. That's final."

"General!" ZhouHan exclaimed in concern.

"Leave." I glared as he turned away before regrettably taking another glance at Junhe.

I sighed as I sat down behind my work table where piles of paper laid. There were several scrolls on the ground, some rolled up and other unrolled. Piles of books laying everywhere in a mess. My window half open and the incense burning as I sat there.

I hadn't the time to organize this area for a while now. I looked at Junhe sleeping in my bed chambers. His face was distorted and his body was drenched in sweat. I left him for just a little bit and his condition turned for the worse again.

His breathing intensified as he moaned in anguish. I grabbed a bowl of water to wipe away his sweat.

His body was still burning hot from the fever. A tear drops from the corner of his eyes and I wipe it away with the back of my finger.

He was having a nightmare. His body trembled and his brows creased as he shook his head almost violently. I placed my hand on his cheek to stop him from moving too much.

"Nghh. P-please. It hurts." Junhe muttered.

I quickly removed my hand away from his face. I could have hurt him again with these hands.

"Raiya." he muttered in his sleep.

I looked at him still drenched in sweat with his facial expression all distorted. Am I the one causing that nightmare of yours right now? If only I could turn back time and fix all those mistakes. Maybe then, you would at least want to be near me, but for now just stay here. When you're better I'll let you go.

Today, I've broken another vow. I couldn't watch you from afar. Ever since I found out about the truth of my parents, nothing has gone my way especially when it comes to you. This is driving me crazy.

As I leave to grab a new bowl of water and set of clothes for him, the skirt of my robe was pulled. I turn back around to see him with his exhausted eyes half open looking at me. I put the bowl of water down on the table and held the hand that gripped my clothing.

"Junhe. Are you awake now?" I asked, but he didn't answer.

Instead, he closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep. I lightly kissed the back of his fingers carefully as I avoid his wounds before setting his hand next to him.

"You shouldn't reach out to me that easily, I might misunderstand."

I leaned forward and placed a kiss on his forehead before I left. The evening breeze was chilly. I'll probably need to grab a thicker blanket to cover him. I walked down the corridors into a room with four servants as I asked them to provide me with another blanket and a new set of clothing.

"Brother." Naiwei called.

"What."

"We have something important to discuss. It's about Junhe."

From the look of his expression, it was something serious. It doesn't look like he was here to prevent me from taking care of Junhe.