1 LOCKDOWN DAIRY OF A TEENAGER

Nothing in my life ever prepared me for this Lockdown, not just me for everyone I guess. Everyday, when I wake up, 'why & what' is the first thing that comes to my mind. But question is different everyday (something different in this everyday ritual). I am loosing interest in studies, activities, basically everything. I am attracted towards mobile games, by the way (violent ones). Everyday I wake up to be more productive, yet turns out to be more lazier than yesterday. Mentally I am loosing it hard, I lost myself physically, mentally and socially. I am bored of everything, I am loosing it. Because for me everyday was not the same, I longed and lived for the everyday adventures I had. I lived to have ups and downs in my life. Where can I find an example of great irony? The world! When looking out through the window, the world is running and crowded, as if there is no disease like corona. But then my dad turns on the news, I realize the deadly virus has killed or is planning to wipe half the population from universe. Where can I find much better irony? Half of us are dying and suffering, while other half is living as if they are immortals and nothing will happen to them. Can we really blame these people for living and not just being locked up? I mean even I am tired of experiencing the World through my screens and window. Not just that, just with health in our hand, can we really think of a future? Don't we need money to live today and tomorrow? Don't we need growth ? If we never find out a cure for this, are we going to sit forever in our house and lock ourselves away? Shouldn't we go out with precautions and live our life? As our legendary actor Sushant Singh Rajput ( may his soul rest in peace) once said or tweeted, " we must look differently at 'known knows', must take chances with 'known unknowns' and be ready to deal with 'unknown unknowns'." Isn't corona pandemic ready to be dealt differently now? At least a different approach to Lockdown should be given; come on Indian lockdown is the biggest disaster we know, it lacked major planning. If bit of thought and planning was put before lockdown, we won't have had its multiple versions and still becoming one of the worst effected country. This is what reality is when we expected something else {Reality versus expectation}. And I miss meeting people, the people with whom I make my everyday life worth it. I miss experiencing the outside world, the freshness it feels to be outside. Somethings go smooth as if universe planned it, some doesn't; Lockdown is the best and worst example of it. Maybe I am tired, tired of being a daughter, sister ,student etc. Maybe, at least now I want to live as me, just as a normal Human being. Tired of expectations, assumptions and judgements. Maybe I'm running away, from everything and nothing. Maybe I'm lost and searching for the real me. Now it's time to put me first. It's time to be selfish and start living with priority for me. Its time to be me. Every time I hear the sound of an ambulance pass by my heart skips. (lets pray for that soul)