2 Chapter 2- Going out isn't my thing but I LOVE carnivals

Thirty minutes later I was ready for the outing. I realized later on while dressing up that I forgot to ask where we were heading to.

I shrugged it off picking up a stray thread on my black jeans. I'm not usually a dresser so I'm dressed in basic jeans and a white shirt that has the words 'LEAVE ME ALONE' on it.

I take a glance at my reading table and one look at the many files tells me that I have a load of work to attend to when I get back to the office.

Being the CEO of one of the best accounting and business firm in the city is no way easy at all. Despite the fact that I was diagnosed with Lymphoma Cancer in my final year of college it didn't stop me from chasing my dreams and now I'm where I've always dreamed of.

Except I have a few more years to enjoy it.

Life is just not fair.

Who am I to complain? I'm just another victim of it's cruel doings.

I decide to walk downstairs instead of drowning myself in my negative thoughts.

Negative thinking isn't going to help you all it's going to do is make you bitter and stagnant my therapist once said when I told her all that had been going through my head.

"How can I think positively when I'm going to die possibly in the next few years?" I asked with a heavy heart.

Doctor Moore my therapist sighed and removed her glasses and I watched as she laid them atop her notebook that she's always scribbling in.

"Linda dear. You had your family first before this sickness came along. Before this sickness came along you had your life all figured out, you already had so much accomplishment at a young age. You're successfull and independent now. I want you to think about those instead. Think about the happy times or the thrill you got whenever you won one of those Math competitions. Anything that makes you happy at all think about it".

I took her advice to heart that day. It helped a lot little by little my thinking pattern changed and for a short while I did more things that make me happy so that I could reflect on them later.

My feet touch the last step of our grand staircase that is covered with a red carpet and is lined with gold at the edge giving it an almost royal-ty feeling.

I always dreamed of marrying at the age of 25. Yes I had my life planned out like that. But here I am at 25 afraid to go on a date so that I don't die on them.

I'm saving them from the heartache right?

"What are you thinking about?" Mike's voice filters through the air and to my eardrums. I shake my head in denial. He scoffs and walks closer to me.

"I've been your best friend for 21 years Lin. I know when you're lying even when you do it horribly".

I rolled my eyes he always has to bring up the fact that we've known each other for a long time. I walk over to the oddly bright red bean bag in the corner of the room. I plopp down on it and sigh loudly.

Facing the ceiling and not Mike I say "Just thinking about how much of a chicken I am to date"

"Dating? That's new" he says furrowing his plucked eyebrows. He sits down beside me on another bean bag. A blue one.

"You thinking of dating someone?"

"No" I reply a little too fast without hesitation he turns to me and throws me a look one of his eyebrows raised in a questioning manner.

"Why not?".

I scoff instantly not believing that he just asked me that question.

"I'm ready!" Amelia squeals interrupting our discussion. She's dressed in hot pink looking like a cast in a Barbie movie. Mike stands up first and lends me a hand up I take it then he helps me stand to my feet.

He doesn't release my hand from his grip instead he squeezes it and runs his thumb comfortingly over it. It was simple language for everything would be alright. One of our many sign languages.

Drake comes into the room next he glances at Mike's and I conjoined hands but doesn't say anything or show any expression.

He's seen too many of this to think something else.

Wordlessly he tosses the car keys to his sleek white Audi to me. I untangle my hand from Mike's and use both hands to catch the key. It noisily settles in my palms.

"You're letting her drive?" Amelia asks staring unbelievably at the owner of the car.

"Yeah"

"But she's always too fast and the wind ruins my hair because she never lets us roll up the windows"

"Stop whining. Geez!" Drake complains

"I have to get my hair brush and portable straightener!" she shrieks going out of the room and up the stairs.

"All this fussing for a carnival" Mike mutters from beside me checking the time on his Rolex.

My eyes almost pop out of my eyes. I hadn't been to a carnival since high school.

"There's a carnival in town?"

"Uh yeah." Drake answers

"How do I not know about this?" I almost squeal unable to keep my sudden excitement from bubbling out of my mouth.

Drake and Mike exchange nervous glances and I mentally slap myself for asking an obviously stupid question. How would I know when I locked myself in my room?

"How long has it been in town?"

"Uh about two weeks now". Mike answers.

"It's okay if you don't want to go we could always go somewhere else" Drake offers

I laugh because he mistook my questions for reluctancy.

"Are you kidding? I haven't been to a carnival since high school"

"I'm so excited. I wonder how many rides will be there? And how could I forget the main event of the night with all those flexible gymnasts and cute animals"

Drake and Mike take a step back warily unsure of my sudden change in mood. I also suffer from extreme mood swings.

Must be the pills I took I say to myself.

"Uh okay" Drake says.

"Amelia get your ass down here!" Mike yells tilting his head back in the direction Amelia went.

When she comes back down we walk into the garage and I happily unlock Drake's Audi.

Arriving at the buzzing carnival brought me more joy than expected. It undeniably has been a long time since I went out to enjoy myself.

Maybe making memories wasn't so bad at all.

We all got down from the car while Mike went to driver's seat so that he could park the car somewhere.

We agreed to wait for him at the photo booth.

Entering the lively atmosphere gave me this excitement I hadn't had in a long time.

When I was diagnosed of Lymphoma Cancer I immediately retracted, kept to myself even falling into depression. Luckily I was able to be pulled out by my family and the endless doctor's appointment.

I turned my head around glancing at the different stands and attractions. The smile on people's face put a smile on my face.

"Lin I know you're not going to like this but did you take your drugs before leaving the house?" Drake asks scratching his neck.

I take a deep breath and release.

He cares.

He always has so if I tell him I didn't take any there's a high chance he's going to drive me back home.

"I didn't take it"

Amelia's jaws drops and she exclaims "Why?"

I shrugged "I just didn't feel like".

Drake shakes his head and pulls out his phone no doubt about to tell Mike.

I snatch his phone from his grasp.

"You can't do that".

He sighs and runs a hand down his annoyed face.

"You can't do that either. Not taking your drugs because you don't feel like it" he yells his voice raising at every word.

Amelia takes a step back not ready to be caught in whatever this is.

"They are supposed to make you feel better Lin. Don't you understand that?"

"What's the point of even taking them when I'm going to die at the end?" I retort calmly not having the strength to shout back.

His face falls and I immediately want to punch myself for talking like that. I can't look at my little sister now because I know that tears would be on the verge of falling from her eyes.

But isn't it the truth?

He stays silent looking at me with an unreadable expression.

"I just want to have fun please and can you not baby me around?"

"If that's what you want" he replies his voice low.

I hand him his phone and he reluctantly tucks it back into his pocket after staring at it.

I turn to look at Amelia who now has her hand folded looking at the ground. Her baby blue eyes turn to mine when she feels my gaze on her.

She moves to hug me and I wrap my arms around her.

"You aren't going to die Lin" she whispers in my ear.

A part of me tells me to believe it but a bigger part of me denotes no truth in that statement.

Mike chooses that time to appear in our midst.

"Parking was a bitch" he says running a hand through his hair.

"So where to?" Drake asks looking around the carnival.

"Let's go there" I squeal pointing at the highest ferris wheel ride I had seen.

The group laugh at my excitement and we all walk together weaving in through the crowd to get to our first ride of the evening.

We reach the ferris wheel and wait a bit on the line before it's our turn to enter. I sit with Mike while Drake and Amelia stay in the mini booth behind us.

The ride starts slow and I find myself laughing like a maniac.

Drake laughs asking me whether I took some kind of pill.

The speed increases and I throw my head back so that my hair moves lightly in the wind. I open my eyes to see Mike holding his phone up taking a picture.

We climb the trail leading up to the highest point of the wheel. The wheel stops for a moment before we climb down the slope speedily.

It's almost easy to think that one is on top of the world when standing or gazing at beyond from an elevated place.

The lights from afar and the purplish clouds create a serene setting that is simply just beautiful.

"It's beautiful up here" Mike remarks throwing his arm lazily around my seat.

"Yeah".

The ride starts moving again climbing down the slope with enough speed to make someone puke their lunch. But I don't puke instead I let out a scream of pure excitement.

Several exhilarating rides later we agree to do something else. Ameila and Drake go on their own way while I remain stuck with Mike.

"Remember that goldfish I won in highschool?" asks Mike as we stroll lazily to a pretzel stand.

I laughed remembering how I fed it to our neighbor's cat, Mr. Whiskers when I thought he was hungry.

"It wasn't my fault" I lamely defend.

He turns to me with an eyebrow raised. "Oh really? Then whose is it?"

I give him a sheepish smile and lean into his strong shoulders.

"Your Dad said you wanted to continue work tommorow"

"Yep" I nod against his arm.

He sighs and pulls me closer to his body. "You be careful alright?".

I rolled my eyes "Yes Mikey".

"Hey Mike"

"Yes Lin"

"Can you win that big teddy panda for me?" I ask pointing towards the booth that had different sizes of adorably cute pandas.

"Sure." he intertwines our fingers together and leads us to the stand.

A middle aged man with a beer pot belly is seated in a high chair inside the stand.

"Greetings humans"

Mike and I exchange glances silently asking ourselves whether this man is indeed alright.

"What can I do for you?" he asks in a scratchy deep voice.

"We want the biggest panda you've got"

"Ohh" the man drags rubbing a hand on his stomach. "Are you sure you up for da challenge?"

"Try me" Mike answers confidently.

I think back to all those times his confidence got us out of trouble. We messed around a lot as kids even in high school throwing hilarious pranks at those who offended our friends.

I have confidence but not the confidence that Mike carries around. He walks with it and in most times is commanding making it impossible for someone to give in to him. His aura alone demands respect.

The man in the both raises a fat eyebrow and takes a step back intimidated by this same confidence.

The man goes over the rules of the game and I learn that you have to be blindfolded to throw darts at a bullseye.

"Let's do this" Mike says craning his head form side to side.

I tie the blindfold around his eyes.

The first dart he throws lands on the second but red circle in the bulls eye. Too far away from our target.

He tries again while I watch with excitement.

It lands closer to the target but not quite.

At his last try it lands smack dab in the middle of the bullseye. He takes off the blindfold and cockily smiles at me.

The man scrambles to remove the panda. He removes it and hands it to Mikey who hands it to me.

"Thank you. It's so cute" I bean hugging the big panda who is almost my height to my chest.

Mike laughs the sound like water sizzling when it touches fire.

"It looks like it's trying to swallow you".

I stick my tongue out at him and trudge away from the booth.

The smile I have on my face is literally unmoving. It has really been a long time since I allowed my self to forget about my sickness and enjoy my self.

My sickness limited me to have fun and it has limited my love life.

Maybe I can have fun like this and grace my family with this memories but love not a chance at all.