1 I Can't Do This Anymore!

"Hey, where did you go this morning," I ask Ryan through the phone. I woke up to the other side of my bed unoccupied.

"I had to go home and change for school," he bluntly put it. He sounded off. His tone was harsh and cold. He felt very far away.

"What's wrong? Did I do something wrong last night," I ask, already about to tear up.

I know it was my first time and I heard everyone sucks at their first time, but maybe I was really bad. He has way more experience than me. I didn't know what to do and he probably doesn't like me anymore.

From all the movies I've watched, if a guy leaves before morning or before you wake up, without a reasonable explanation, he doesn't like you. I really want to believe that's not the case.

"Nothing. I'm fine. I have some stuff to handle. I have to go." Before I could even say bye, he hangs up.

I was so confused, but I looked at the time displayed on my phone and realized that I had to start getting ready for school or I was going to be late.

Getting out of bed was hard. My legs were sore and I felt like my insides were torn. I tried my best not to walk funny.

I took a shower and brushed my teeth. I had no time for breakfast, so I just pulled on some blue jeans and a graphic t-shirt. I combed through my wavy, brown hair to get the knots out and I was ready to go.

I usually get a ride to school from Ryan, but he left early.

He's acting really weird today. Usually when he stays over, he has extra clothes to change into in one of my drawers. I don't know any other reason for why he'd leave.

I haven't taken the bus since we started dating. The kids on the bus used to bully me, so Ryan started giving me rides to school. We didn't live that far from each other and he never had a problem with saving me from bullies.

After my brother left, he became my protector and safe haven.

I saw the bus rounding the corner like it usually did. It stopped a block away and other kids started going on. I made my way across the street.

When I got on, no one paid attention to me or harassed me like I thought they would. The bullying at school did stop, but I thought that since I was alone, they'd take advantage. Everyone was doing their own thing and I just stayed to myself.

The bus ride wasn't long. When I went inside the school building, I went in search of Ryan. I couldn't find him anywhere. I ran out of time when the first bell rang and I had to go to class.

I didn't see Ryan in any of my first two classes or in the halls while switching periods.

It was lunch time when I finally saw him. He was hidden behind one of the walls, but I knew he was there because I heard him speaking to someone.

I sneaked around to see what he was doing.

He was close and personal with another girl. He had his arms wrapped around her waist, while her arms were wrapped around his neck. They were laughing and seemed to be having a blast. When I saw them kiss, that was the last straw.

Tears started to well up in my eyes and I let out a gasp.

Their laughter paused when they noticed my presence.

"Spen-," he started to speak, but I started towards the exit of the school.

"Spencer, wait." Ryan and the girl were running after me. I was slowly losing my strength to fight back, so I slowly came to a stop.

"Why," I ask him.

"What did you expect, Spencer? You know this is what I do. Your brother was my best friend and you know this is what we did." He sounded like he was sorry, but I knew he didn't really care because it's the same line I always used to hear my brother tell girls.

"That's not a fucking excuse, Ryan. You can't keep doing this to people. I thought you changed." At this point I was in full on tears. "And your worst than him. Do you even want to try to defend yourself with an excuse," I ask the girl. My bestfriend.

She couldn't say anything. She just stood there and looked down at the ground.

"How long," my question comes out in a whisper. I was losing the strength in my voice. They didn't say anything once again, but Lynn started to shed tears.

"Your so fucked up! Why did you even date me if you didn't really like me? What's the point? You just like messing with peoples' hearts. Don't you, you sick bastard?"

"Call me whatever you want, Spencer, but you knew what you were getting into," Ryan had the nerves to tell me, right to my face. I let out a laugh.

"You know what? Fuck the both of you. I hope you're both happy." I took my chances and walked out of school. Once I was outside, I took off running. They didn't follow or chase me this time.

I really am dumb to think that I'd be the one to change him, like all the girls before me.

It's kind of funny how time changes everything.

The best friend that you knew since kindergarten can turn out to be your worst enemy and the guy that you grew up with and at first felt like a brother to you, but you fell in love with him, could be the one to break your heart the most.

I knew that he played with girls hearts, but I never knew he had the guts to play with mines. Before we were boyfriend and girlfriend, we were bestfriends. And before we were bestfriends, we were brother and sister.

What hurt me the most though, was the betrayal from my bestfriend. I would do and give up anything for her, but I guess she wouldn't do the same for me.

How did I not see this coming?

Being distracted while running and my eyes being clouded with tears, I trip over a rock and fall onto the concrete sidewalk.

"UGHHH," I groan out. I look down to see a puddle of blood starting to form underneath me. I was tempted to just stay in this position and let my knees bleed out. Just bleed out and be done with everything.

No one would miss me anyways.

I heard chirping, a cry for help, echoing around me. I tried to find the source, but I couldn't see from where I was sitting.

I decided to get up and search.

The chirp started to get louder and after some time, I found the bird. It laid on the grass, hurt, struggling to flap its wings.

I went closer to see what was wrong and it's wing was bent into a weird position.

I went into my bookbag to brag some tape and picked up a twig.

The bird was hesitant to let me help it, but I was able to fix its wing back into it's natural state.

"Our wounds can heal with time," I tell the little sparrow in a low whisper.

I get off the ground and leave the bird. I make my way home to clean my physical wounds and forget about my mental ones.

After I finished bandaging my knees, I pick up my phone and dial the first person I know to call. My sobs started all over again when she picked up.

"Mom, I can't do this anymore."