1 Chapter one

Slap, Slap, Slap. That all i ever received and know, oh, this is getting too much and i nevermind, because that how i gotta live now even though i am an unexpected pregnancy to my mother. Every morning, afternoon and night, I always receive slap, punishments or sometimes i stay outside in the cold, shivering and tears filling my ice blue eyes, my breath breathing heavily as if i was sinking into the cold deep ocean where no one can hear me or save me, just me sinking alone down the swallow cold dark deep ocean. As tears filled my eyes, I always wondered if I could die but still I am afraid of being alone, afraid of standing alone or falling down. Breathing heavily every day, having headaches and my mother's rage....

I am just a twenty year old female, who is taking business class in college. I am often bullied by students because of how poor I am and it didn't bother me because the same thing happens at home. I just want this to stop but I am scared.

December 2005, snow is falling here in New york, Mother continues pulling my Platinum Ice hair, I inherited from my father, slapping my face hardly that i could cough, as she continues, my glasses fell off, smashing the ground as i stared at it in a cold expression face, later on Mother filled the bathtub with cold water, she dipped my face into the chilling cold water, holding my breath for an hour, she continued doing that and later pushed me outside the cold snowy winter with towels on. I shivered, sneezed and later fainted on the cold snow. The next morning I woke up later on the floor, without hesitation, I picked up my broken glasses and began fixing them with bare hands and hot glue. It was 6 o'clock in the morning knowing that I woke up late, I knew to prepare breakfast. Finished fixing my glasses, i stood up and went to the kitchen, the kitchen was the same as ever, the cobwebs on the roofs, the dishes still in the sink, the broken door with a hole under it opened, the equipment scattered around the kitchen and lastly Mother packs of cigarette on the dining table, I took a deep breath with my head filling with thoughts inside of it, i took out the apron and began preparing breakfast. Mother woke up dressed in her sexy night dress, i placed breakfasts on the table, Mother yawned as she sat down, taking the fork and the knife, what mother likes having for breakfast was her juicy sauced red meat, cheesed waffles and her red wine with the cigarette placed beside her. I removed my apron, and walked out the door with my mother staring at me with her cold brown eyes as she took a sip of her glass red wine, with hesitation, I walked out the kitchen. I ran to the bathroom, bending down crying, I was crying silently so she couldn't hear me. I took off my towel, looking at the scars on my back, I pitied them yet so pitied my life, I turned on the cold shower, leaned my back at the wall, having thoughts. I never knew who my father was, how he looks like or where he is, all the complaints mom made got me into deep thoughts. Even if I met my father, I probably yelled at him for leaving mom, I turned off the shower and covered my body with my towel. Walking into my room, I caught mother smoking with her phone on, I didn't bother nor hesitate, i mean all what my mother does are to one, come home treating me like a toy, two go to the nightclub and hook up with some men, three, bring different men home and hook up with them and four, spend all the money on herself buying makeup, sexy clothes, cigarettes, shoes and accessories, the only money i ever received were the groceries, she even complain about paying my college tuition etc. I walked into my room and wore a plain long sleeves white top, a light blue denim skirt and white sneakers, all these are cheap clothes found in those cheap stores. I packed what i needed for school, closed the house doors and walked on the white cold snow, I didn't have scarfs, jackets, hats or long winter shoes, the only thing that i got were black sandals for summer, and my white pair of sneakers, i didn't have much outfits but my mom does and this things didn't bother me.

I am attending a New York college institute and my name is LISA KIYOKO OLYMIPA and this is the start of my Journey.