22 Again and again

"Gabby, can you be my proxy again?" Alex asked me.

It's the time of the month again, Alex always ask me to act like her once in a month and I'm not sure if it's intentional or just a mere coincidence. Before it's easy for me to agree because I can really see that she really needs me but as the time passed by it's getting harder for me. I felt like everytime I act like her, something in me change and I don't like that changes.

Those changes can be lethal for the both of us, it could hurt the both of us and I don't want that to ruin our bonding as a sister so until I can control myself, I should stop acting like her in front of her boyfriend.

"I don't want to be your proxy again Alex. I've had enough of pretending to be you. In fact, I lost count of how many times I've replaced you in your behalf." I'm starting to fix my things so I can go away from her because I'm sure that she won't stop pestering me until I agree to her demands.

"Something came up and I really need to finish it. Don't worry, you have Cassie with you because it's a small party between us." She continue to reason out so I can agree but I've already decided not to do it.

"It is between you and your friends so it would be best if you were the one who's there."

"But I really have to finish this one and I can't stood them up."

"It's not my fault anymore. You just have to choose Alex, either to attend or to ditch the party so you choose. I'll leave you now, I have something to do in my room so please don't bother me anymore." Alex needs to grow up, she needs to learn to manage her priority, it's not like every time she will get everything she wants. She needs to face her own problems in order for her to learn from it, I shouldn't be involved with her dilemma anymore because I have my own dilemma now.

Every moment with her boyfriend brought me happiness, it made me feel that I'm being loved, that someone out there is taking care of me besides my family. Those moments are etched in my heart and mind. I know that I shouldn't be feeling this way but I can't help it. The only thing that I can do now is to stay away from him and I hope my sister can cooperate with me this time.

Other than that, I'm also bothered that I have this kind of feelings. I felt like I'm betraying my sister, that I'm doing something behind her back. My conscience is clear but my emotions are not and that is a form of betrayal. If my sister were to discover what I'm feeling, I hope she'll trust me that I won't ever cross the line because it's very clear to me that he's not mine, actually he would never be mine.

I was in my room when I heard someone ringing our bell. It was ringing for a while now so I press our intercom to ask nanny Linda to check who it was but no one is answering on the other line. So I don't have a choice but to open the door by myself.

I was shocked to see Miguel on the other side of the door, it was his first time here, usually he would only be waiting outside our gate.

He said his greeting with a smile while I'm just here standing in front of him. I don't know what to do, of course it's a proper manner to let him in but what if Alex suddenly came down. What are we going to do then?

"Wouldn't you let me in?" Since he asked me already I don't have a choice but to let him in.

"What do you prefer to drink? Water, juice or anything?"

"Thanks but I'm good."

"So what brings you here?" I asked him because I don't really have any idea on why he's here and if Alex knew that he'll be here. I can't help but to look in our sfairs from time to time, afraid that Alex would suddenly came down.

"I'm here to pick you up, you just texted me awhile ago louisse." I was shocked to hear it that I forgot to control my emotions.

"Why are you so shocked louisse?"

"No-nothing, it just slipped my mind. Can you wait for me here? Just watch or do something. I'm just going to prepare myself."

I went directly to Alex's room just to see that she wasn't there. I called her but she's deliberately cancelling the call. She just texted me with a simple message.

'I'm sorry, gabby but this would be last time. I love you! Just pick anything in my closet.'