Chapter 5: Don't Get Me Started

"Casey Shock on Gods, Monsters, and Turning 30" by Jasmine Jasemi (GoreZoneClassic)

Cassandra Torres and I are sitting knee to knee on sturdy but beaten up roadie cases stacked just outside the soundstage where she's shooting her latest movie. But we're not talking about her latest character or her career. We're discussing the Love Gods.

"I haven't had much luck in love, dunno why. I'm pretty normal. Well, no I'm not, but I'm normal enough!" She laughs.

"I could never figure out why love just never worked out for me, so I started joking about how I must've made the Love Gods angry."

She's portrayed some of the most iconic heroes and villains in independent horror films for years now. You probably know her better by her stage name: Casey Shock.

The star of over 20 horror films--including such hidden gems as Dead Underneath (2020), Something I Ate (2012), Monster Hospital (2015), and Ape-Man Goes to Hell (2019)--Shock is enjoying rare success in her admittedly niche career, but less so in her personal life.

I start with the usual questions you might expect from an article like this. Shock's just as well known for the heroes she's played as her villains, but which does she prefer?

No question, she says. The villains.

"Baddies tend to have more going on, character-wise. There's usually a strong motive, and sometimes a swagger, like it's just more fun to be bad. Oh, and they get the best lines."

I can't help but rattle off one of my personal favorites: "Have a seat, Sweet Meats!"

Shock laughs. "Someone yelled at at me across the grocery store last week. It was both cool and jarring at the same time."

I ask her about her upcoming appearances, and she enthusiastically announces she'll be doing signings and taking part in several panels at the Screamin' MoJo convention in San Diego next month.

"I'm stoked to get out there and meet the fans!"

And I ask Shock what her dream project would be.

She doesn't hesitate. "Oh, man, I'd love to play a kick-ass Ripley-style character. Blasting up creatures, cracking heads, driving a big ol' mech. There'd have to be some sort of love interest, too, right?"

Absolutely.

"He could be tall, with a lean athletic build. Windswept hair." She stares off toward the distance. "And a voice like milkshakes and honey."

Which begs the question: What are Cassandra's dreams? She turns 30 in the fall, and describes the looming milestone as "rough for business," and for her private life as well.

"I wonder if I've already made too many choices that can't be unmade. Like, by now, people have a home, kids--I can't find anyone who makes it to the second date!"

She hops off the roadie case and begins pacing. "And I swear to you, I'm not picky. I just want someone nice. Kind. Patient, you know? That's not out the question, or am I nuts? Like, what about you? How's your dating life going? It's hard out there, right?"

I tell her I'm recently married.

"Oh. Okay. That is. That is just. Great. Yup. Great stuff."

Shock's discomfort morphs into wistfulness, and she gets a far-off look in her eyes.

"When I was young, I used to get crushes on people all the time. Was it just me? I constantly had crushes on multiple people at once. But, lately... It's been like, no one has caught my interest. I've been out there meeting people, and not one person moves the needle."

She claps her hands together. "But then, boom! I see someone. He lights the pilot light, y'know? Things are warming up that haven't been hot in a long time. So what happens? He's gone. He's outie. It's like I met him just to lose him."

She sits back down on the roadie case.

"Smited by the Love Gods again. Or is it 'smote?' Uh, 'smoted?' Either way, you can only be smoten so many times before you start to take it as a sign."

It's rare insight into Shock's offscreen life and concerns. After some quiet reflection, she comes to a big decision, one she assures me she's been considering for a long time.

"It's taken me a long time, but I've come to accept I'm very happy being with myself. Everywhere I go, there I am. I'm the one person who's always been there for me. I call it being self-partnered."

"That's very emotionally mature," I say, impressed.

"I've been running it over in my mind for a while, and it just makes sense to me to make it official. So here goes: I'm holding a wedding ceremony, to celebrate my commitment to myself."

This is startling news. "You're going to get married... to yourself?"

Shock nods, visibly pleased with how it sounds. "That's the plan."

***

Casey woke up very late the next day, having spent the evening indulging in gummies and fail videos. It had been a kind of spontaneous celebration.

She'd been quietly planning to get off the love rollercoaster for a while now, but hadn't gotten up the guts to tell anyone. And now she'd told the world... or at least a small, hard-to-find movie blog.

Feeling a little taller, she padded into the kitchen. She poured herself some cornflakes and ancient grains.

Kimiko stumbled out of her own bedroom still wearing last night's clothes. She went straight for the pop-tarts. She snacked on one raw while she waited for the other one to toast up.

Opening the fridge, Casey grabbed a bottle of kombucha for herself, and an iced coffee for Kimiko. She placed the drinks on the little round kitchen table.

They sat down in their little dining nook. Neither of them particularly liked morning conversation, so they both wordlessly ate and scrolled on their phones. Casey checked industry news sites. Kimiko started her day with social media. This was their morning ritual.

They enjoyed their quiet breakfasts together.

Casey frowned, then broke her silence. "This is weird. There's a story about me, but it's not from the interview I did yesterday. It's, like, on a real news site."

Kimiko said with her mouth full, "Cass? You're trending!"

"I am? You mean online? In public?"

Kimiko said, "Like a beezy. Hashtag 'self-partnered' is a thing now."

"Like, a thing? A thing-thing?"

"So is 'selfie-wedding.'"

"I never called it a selfie-wedding."

Casey's phone rang.

She frowned at it. "Who the heck is this?"

She didn't recognize the number, but answered anyway. "Hello?"

The milkshake and honey voice on the other end purred, "Hello there. Am I speaking with Casey Shock?"

Her breath caught. "Tremaine? That you?"

Oh, it was him.

"Hi, Shock. You remember me?" He sounded pleased.

Taking careful control of her voice, pitching it to a casual tone, Casey said, "Sure, the man with the thousand-dollar shirt. 'Course I remember."

"If it's alright, I'd like to take you up on your offer to meet up, say for lunch this afternoon? I'd like to hash some things out."

"About your shirt? Dude, aren't you busy jetting off to London or some such?"

"This isn't about the shirt." She could hear the smile in his voice. "I'd very much like to talk to you about your wedding."