47 Searching For a Reason

Sung Ho's Perspective (We are in the Present Time)

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I have been running away from everyone and everything for the last three days. Although the staff and my boss let me go without further investigations, I feel afraid that this situation will come and bite me soon.

I have already decided on my plans and want to carry them into action. I want to leave soon, far away from my troubles, where nobody could find me, not even my brother.

"You do not have to force yourself, Sung-ho." Half of the coworkers give their regards to me and see me off from my darkest days.

As I tread towards the welcoming entrance, the reflection coming from the mirrors greets my eyes. The image is not from me, but from the crowd behind my back. Upon glancing at my rear, they wave their hands in unison, with curved mouths reaching for their nose. From that glimpse, my body spirals and soon runs away.

Are those their genuine smiles? I do not know. The only person who does not know is me, and nobody could give me an answer.

"Trust no one but your brother." The words echo through the labyrinth of my ears like a puzzle without a solution.

Those are the words my father tells me upon handling my first company. I can still remember those bittersweet days fresh inside my head, declining to leave my brain.

But now that I feel nothing, everything changes.

"I want to quit and run away again." My head throbs at every second I scheme for that happening to me.

The whispers inside my head could not stop screaming out of regret for what I have done for my brother. All the signs, billboards, and whatnot alarm me like a bell, refusing to ring me a solemn tune and instead wreck my ears.

I pass by the bustling streets and come across the orphanage. The clouds high above look like pitch dark cotton balls holding millions of gallons of water to pour into the streets. As if continuing my thought, the shower descends on the roads, making it slippery at every passing time.

I do not have my umbrella with me since I hurry off from my place. The only item that I can use to shield myself from the rain is a handkerchief. I always bring a towel with me in case of wiping off the tables from my place. As soon as I put the towel above my head, I carry it forth and dart onwards.

I arrive at a familiar park with a structure in the middle. As I squint my eyes, I see an adorable girl fiddling with a sketch pad and crayons that I do not recognise beside the gates. Upon walking up close, I notice the illustrations lay in front of me, with the girl greeting me to say hello.

"Hello, mister!" The lovely looking girl bows at the sight of me approaching her direction.

She does not feel alarmed at my sight, despite seeing an adult man walking alone in the light of day. Some people would feel uncomfortable seeing a stranger wanting to have a conversation, especially towards a foreigner.

"I can see you there drawing three people." I point my forefinger at the illustration with my eyes moving upward in disbelief. There is not a single day I have thought that someone as young as a child could hold talent except for my younger brother.

I have never expected my claims would come close to breaking from the sight of this peculiar young kid.

"I am Himari." The girl who calls herself Himari stops spreading the colours and meets my gaze.

The two of us exchange looks as if feeling a connection with one another. Although I have not met this girl in my life before, my body feels a tingling sensation inside my abdomen. The occurrence says otherwise.

"You should put more detail on her face and make the dress more vibrant, don't you think?" I find myself scooching beside the little girl and offering her tips that I have learned over the years.

All those memories from the past come running back at me as we pass the time. After two hours of continuous lessons about art, I keek over my watch and leave my seat, preparing myself to leave the orphanage.

"That is all the time I have for today." I muster up my courage and tell the time by tapping the surface of my watch.

Himari droops her mouth like a sad kitten and clasps her hands around my waist. We have only met each other for two hours, yet an invisible thread latches us together.

But before I could make a run outside the heavy downpour, a soothing voice halts me from my movements. As I turn around, an old lady slides the door open and gives me a warm smile.

In her hands are varieties of snacks and teas on top of a plate. The woman studies me for a second before resting the nourishments beside the little girl.

"Can you wait, my dear," The woman presents her glee and asks me to stand by at the door. I follow her instructions as if second nature to me as I glare at the plates, tempting me to take a bite.

Without uttering a single word, the lady returns to the room once more. After a few moments, she goes back outside the gate and hands me a foldable umbrella.

"You might catch a cold without an umbrella." Upon seeing me filling my mouth with the biscuits on the platter, the elder chuckles to herself before returning inside. "Eat your fill before you head out, okay?"

Both of my hand waves back and forth, gesturing to the warden about the object. However, that does not stop her from putting the umbrella on my lap.

"I am sorry, but I cannot take it-," I shake my head and refuse any gifts of some sort from the steward.

With a gentle glee on her face, she places her palm on my hair and caresses my wet and crazed hair.

"Someone passed by the orphanage and handed this umbrella to me. That guy was a kind man and would always help us in times of need. I want to repay his kindness to a person like you, who needs this umbrella." The lady locks her eyes for a few seconds at me before averting her gaze. I know what she means when the lady mentions the necessity of having this parasol, since our surroundings are turning grey.

I accept my defeat and take the umbrella from the kind lady and express my gratitude by bowing. She returns to my incline and heads inside the building.

I cannot explain why, but a thorn inside my heart falls out from the sudden kindness showering upon me.

As soon as she goes out from the fray, my fingers slip through the plate again, devouring the remaining cookie. Himari could not help but burst into tears after seeing how starving I am.

From what I have seen, there is no malicious content from her happiness. Himari only finds my face amusing after stuffing myself with the food for the two of us.

"Don't tell your caretaker, got it, Himari?" I lean closer to her side and whisper the thought to the energetic child. Upon seeing my finger placing in the middle of my lips, Himari gives me a feverish nod.

"It will be our little secret!" Himari stands up, puts the finished plate on the table, and stands in front of the gate.

After concluding our talk, I extend the umbrella open and walk at the descending steps and bathe myself from the icy mist. It has been a while since I have last used my umbrella. I could afford nothing from before and make use of rubbish inside the bins.

I resume my stride back to my apartment. But that is not the case for my journey.

My two feet drag me near the nostalgic structure of the academy. As I smell the meadows of the grass, my head feels light. Every memory from the past comes crashing like a truck, hitting me to a different world, far from my reality.

But the jet-black gate stops my thought and invites me to come inside.

I believe that all the schools suspend their classes during these rainy days, hence the closed gates. However, there is a small scale creak that can let anyone through inside. If I am careful enough, I can still squeeze myself from that tiny burrow I created last seven years ago.

I throw all the garbage out of the tunnel and insert my body. Fortunately for me, the janitor has already done his job since I can see no dust or litter surrounding me.

"It's a good thing nobody bothers visiting this school." A thought streams through my mind as I gaze around the exterior part of the school, checking for the last time for any guards wandering the vicinity.

There is one individual that comes into my mind. As I scan the academy, a small building greets my eyes. I find someone sleeping inside the post, daydreaming in the middle of his work.

"You are making my job easier, and yours terrible." After my remark, I sneak behind the pillars and slide the entrance open. With a creaking sound, the gates pave me a path inside. As luck would have it, the audible cracks do not alarm the guard while he continues living inside his fantasy.

Once I arrive at the other side, I clap the dirt on my clothes and enter a specific room.