Will to leave

Dirty, dark, and musty smell. There was not much to say: the misery was evident. However, for that nine-year-old boy, that place was his refuge. There lived his adoptive mother, Raquel, who was dedicated to being a midwife. A special midwife: a clandestine one who cared for nobles who sent their concubines and unfortunate maids to throw their bastards around. That child was another one.

The boy felt the pain in his hands. He remembered that he had had to break a chicken's neck. A small ray of light slipped through a window blocked with some boards nailed to it. That little beam illuminated the boy and someone else. It wasn't the chicken; it was a blonde, beautiful woman stripped of her humanity. The finger marks on his neck were obvious.

Ernest woke up inside a chariot that was transporting him. He stuck his head out of the canvas that covered said float. He realized he had left Ernmas a while ago, in the far south of the Kingdom of Faerghus. According to a merchant accompanying him on his journey, they had just passed through Annan. It was already the last hours of the trip before reaching Garreg Mach.

Ernest would start his classes at the Officers Academy. The month of Verdant Rain Moon was already beginning, so the weather was pleasant. To Ernest's knowledge, various things had happened when he was arranging his transfer from the Fhirdiad Royal School of Wizardry.

A teacher who had joined a few months ago had been involved in a series of critical situations at Garreg Mach. He had turned out to be the only person in a very long time to wield the Sword of the Creator, that weapon used by Nemesis the Liberator himself. He decided to meet her at any cost and study with her.

The young man was excited to start his classes. Ernest was a medium-height boy with dark blond hair, light brown eyes, and a somewhat vacant look. Although he had specialized in black magic and the use of Reason, his body build indicated that he must have been a relatively strong warrior.

The float finally reached the entrance to Garreg Mach. The merchant got out first. Ernst followed him.

"Did you imagine that this place was so big?" The merchant asked Ernest with a festive look. "Good thing you left that cold magic academy. Here you will have much fun... Do you know what I mean?"

"I have no idea," Ernest's blank, cold gaze gave the merchant a little fear.

"It seems that you are not interested in 'that'. Well... I hope you change your mind during your stay."

"I doubt it. Goodbye," Ernest walked quickly towards the entrance of the Monastery.

There the guards duly controlled Ernest. They reviewed his papers and letters of recommendation in a cursory way. The detailed information and these issues will be attended by Seteth, Rhea's assistant at the Academy and in charge of all the formalities that exist and will be at the Garreg Mach Officers Academy,

A guard led the student to Seteth 's office. Ernest didn't say a word to the guard, who was actively seeking to chat with him and describing places to him.

"I already saw the map of the place. Thanks for the intention, but I already know everything you're talking about."

The guard left Ernest in Seteth's office and went in annoyance. Rhea's advisor warmly greeted the young man despite the usual seriousness that characterized him. Seteth waved Ernest into a seat and asked for his papers.

"Let's see what we have here, Ernest." Seteth received the papers and began to comment out loud. "First place in black magic for four years... First magic swordsman using... Quite interesting all around, I must say."

"Thank you, sir," Ernest replied shortly but respectfully.

"You'll be an excellent addition. Now we need to discuss with Rhea which class you'd like to attend. Although, from what I understand, you should participate in the Blue Lions class."

"I'm not interested in that class. I had the Golden Deer class in mind." The young man gave an answer that surprised and upset Seteth a little.

"Rhea will say ... At this time of the year, you have few options, young man. Follow me."

Seteth led Ernest into the room where Rhea was. She was in her seat. The young man watched as a nymph with light green hair rose from that place, with a headdress of flowers in her hair and a beautiful tunic. He thought it looked like the same Goddess on Earth.

"Hello, dear newcomer." Rhea greeted Ernest and stood very close to him. "Some contacts in Fhirdiad spoke positively about you. You will be an excellent contribution to this Academy."

"Nice to meet you...Lady Rhea. I appreciate your consideration, too," Ernest didn't stop looking cold as he said these words. "I also hope to be of help to everyone."

"Now let's get down to business..." Rhea continued quietly. "It is not the students' decision which class to enroll in. It depends on your proximate origins. Your papers show considerable confusion between where you were born, where you grew up, and where you studied. You have been through all three nations depending on the time in your life."

"But he studied at Fhirdiad. He should continue with the Blue Lions; it makes sense," Seteth added, trying to sway Rhea's opinion.

"That's how it should be, dear. But I suppose you came to this place with something else on your mind, Ernest...didn't you?"

"Erm... Sort of." Ernest realized that Rhea had seen right through him.

"Ah... This boy wants to study with the Golden Deer alongside Professor Byleth," Seteth said, following Rhea's suggestion.

"That's how it is. That's why I've come here. I want to learn from a master strategist. And she is a prodigy, despite her young age."

"You seem quite determined and sure of what you want, Ernest," Rhea added, giving the boy a playful smile. "Well, I think we can grant such a treat to this little darling from Fhirdiad. What do you think, Seteth?"

"You know how I see this kind of thing, but... It will eventually end up sneaking into the Golden Deer anyway." Seteth sighed before continuing. "All right, I agree. We will fill out the papers for you to enter that class tomorrow."

"I should be finishing the first block of the morning right now... Can I go to class right away?"

"Ha ha ha... So much motivation in this boy, even though he has that empty look," Rhea took Ernest's request very tenderly. "I don't see the bad in it... Will you do the honors, Seteth?"

"No problem, Rhea ... But I don't like to coddle a student like this very much. See you.

"See you later, Lady Rhea," Ernest bowed before leaving. "I hope to be of help here. See you."

"Go, Ernest... I'm sure we'll see each other soon."

Seteth led Ernest to the classrooms of the three houses. She tried to show Ernest some places, but he told her and the guard that he already knew the site from a map he had seen. "But one thing is to see a map, and the other is reality," Seteth said. Ernest replied that he could imagine a place just by looking at a map, based on the scale of said plans, and so on. The Academy adviser fell silent and let the boy out of the Golden Deer classroom.

"Oh, they're still on break. Come in and see the classroom. I'll find the Professor..."

It was not necessary. That teacher was at her desk, looking at some support books to teach the boys different elements of the history of Fódlan. She looked up and stopped when she saw Seteth. She quietly approached the two men and waited for the adviser to speak.

"Good morning, Byleth, " Seteth began to speak with that serious attitude he used to show with the teacher. "Here's a new student joining your class today. Introduce yourself, boy."

"Hello. I am Ernest Schmidt, a Fhirdiad Royal Sorcery Academy student."

"Hello, Ernest," Byleth replied, with an expression just as blank as the young man's, "Byleth Eisner, Professor in charge of the Golden Deer class. You better finish introducing yourself when the students arrive. That will be in about five minutes."

"Perfect," Ernest replied dryly.

"Well, I'll return to my desk... if you allow me." The woman quickly entered the classroom.

"Well... you two will get along fine," Seteth said, with a small laugh as he crossed his arms. "I mean, they're both just as 'serious'. I'm leaving too. See you, Ernest. success on your first day of school."

"Thank you, my Lord."

Seteth didn't even want to tell Ernest to call him by his first name. He wanted to leave immediately and continue with his duties for the day. The young man went to sit at a desk that seemed unoccupied. Byleth didn't even bother to look at him. She was busy looking at different documents to continue the class. Before the students returned, she got up and gave Ernest some documents.

"These were the annual programs of the different courses, practical sessions, and field trips. I hope you can review them by tomorrow."

"All right. Thank you, Professor Byleth."

"You're welcome," the teacher replied with a forced smile. "The class will start."

Byleth walked over to his desk. Instantly the students of the class began to arrive. The first to notice Ernest was Hilda. He was immediately curious about the boy and approached him.

"Hello!" she said, leaning toward Ernest with her trademark wide, flirtatious smile. "You are a new student... What a surprise. My name is..."

"Hilda Valentina Goneril. Thanks for saying hello." Ernest looked up, his cold eyes meeting Hilda's. "Of course, I know you; who wouldn't recognize Holst Goneril's little sister, the wall of Fódlan? Nice to meet you."

Hilda felt strange. The guy knew her, but at the same time, he wasn't interested in her at all. And to top it off, he recognized her based on his brother. The girl said goodbye in a friendly but forced way and withdrew to sit in her place.

The class leader or delegate observed the situation and let out a laugh. He hurried over to speak with Ernest.

"I suppose you know who I am..." Claude began with his classic intriguing way of speaking. "I mean, so as not to waste time introducing myself."

"Yes...Claude von Riegan, recently recognized as heir to the Archduke of the Leicester Alliance." Ernest satisfied Claude with his reply. "Ernest Schmidt, to serve."

"You will surely do. You look... Unrelenting. Like a Hubert von Vestra, but in our class."

"Ah, Hresvelg 's adviser. He is an excellent black magician... But I am better. I look forward to knowing what our framework of difference is."

"Uh, you're sure of yourself," Claude laughed. "But black magic and Reason are not the only such talents. Well, at least here, you will only see him using magic."

"Thank you, Claude," Ernest replied, trying to smile.

"That smile of yours falls in love. Be careful whom you wear it with," Claude laughed again before walking off. "I liked you. We'll talk later, mate."

As soon as Claude sat down, Byleth started the second block of his class. She moved to the center of the room to introduce Ernest to the class.

"Perhaps some of you have already realized that we have a new student in our class." Byleth stared at Ernest. "I'd like you to introduce yourself, Ernest."

"Okay," the young man stood up immediately and maintained a firm posture. "My name is Ernest Schmidt. I am 19 years old. I lived for a while in Ordelia County. I was educated during the last years at the Fhirdiad Royal Academy of Sorcery due to my gifts for Reason. For the past few years, I have specialized as a magical swordsman. I hope to get along with everyone. Thank you."

After that formal introduction, Ernest sat down. They all stared at the new student, muttering to each other about the information he had given them. Once Byleth had formally started the class, he turned to several relatively recent events in the history of Fódlan.

They paused momentarily in the war between the Brigid and Dagda alliance against the Adrestian empire. They analyzed the main events. Byleth stopped at considerations about the strategies and movements used in the battle that decided the confrontation. In said battle, the ruler of Brigid was killed.

"Well..." Byleth said, trying to get the attention of his students. "What tactic or strategy was most relevant to the Empire's triumph over this alliance in the last major confrontation of the war?"

The students took some time before answering. In an instant before Lysithea was going to speak, Ernest got up and said:

"Eventually, the Empire's 'strategy' was to sacrifice some noble houses to delay the invading alliance. In turn, the Empire used small-time soldiers and mercenaries, but in large numbers. Sacrificing and overwhelming the enemy were the best of strategies. Oh, and sneakily assassinate Brigid's King to lower enemy's' morale."

"The truth is that I was referring to the tactics used during those battles," Byleth replied, somewhat surprised. "But... Those were influential factors."

"Those were the tactics of the Empire," the young man emphasized, showing a grim expression that scared his companions. "That's what wars are about: buying triumphs based on a lot of blood and cruelty."

"To tell you the truth..." Byleth took on an annoyed attitude as he began to counterargue with Ernest. "Those will not be the focus of this class. We will talk about tactics and strategy, not ethical considerations of war. This is a War Academy, after all."

"I know," Ernest replied, equally annoyed. "This is a War Academy, and I hope it can be a place where I learn to stop wars, not start them piecemeal."

"That is an opinion and a valid one," Byleth argued, a glint of hidden anger in his eyes. "But you must be responsible when giving an opinion about sensitive things. The Church uses its influence and resources to try to stop unnecessary confrontations."

"Well, I have come to verify and specify that."

"That's a very ambitious slogan... To the point of being pretentious," replied the Professor.

"It's only pretentious for someone who wouldn't be able to pull it off," Ernest's words echoed through the room. I will be able to do it. "I definitely will."

Byleth was silent for a few moments. The class murmured incessantly about the boldness and rudeness of the newly arrived student. Claude was looking at Ernest with interest. Meanwhile, the Professor contained the desire to face the new student.

"I don't see that kind of thinking as sensible," Byleth continued. "It would be best to consider that wars are not won 'alone'. Perhaps, how many lives have you seen left in front of you? How often have you been deaf from hearing the screams of agony of allies and enemies? Do you have what it takes to carry so much? Your ideas may be noble, but they may be just that in the end: Ideas. If you want to come true, accept that you must associate with enough people to achieve your ideals and be more realistic about it.

After hearing such an extensive and eloquent opinion from someone who thought it would be more of an automaton than a human being, Ernest was left feeling because of how he had seen it moments before.

"Perfect." Ernest sat down. I apologize for my boldness, Professor Byleth.

"No problem. And if you need to talk after school, count on me. I advise any student who requires it, and you may need it."

"Thank you for the offer," the young man nodded.

"I find it striking, but... The explosive character of this student is complex. I think it will be necessary to be able to talk to him as soon as I can," Byleth thought before finishing the day's lesson.

Once the class ended, everyone went to eat lunch in the dining room. Byleth also settled there. He realized that someone was cooking in the area set up so that students and others could make their meals: it was Ernest. The Professor approached, curious to know what was cooking and why.

"Ernest... I didn't expect to see you cooking on your first school day."

"I always do it. I prefer to cook things I prepare myself," Ernest answered, barely looking at Byleth while he shook the pan with which he was sautéing meat and vegetables.

"Have you been doing this for a long time?"

"Since I can remember. I always had to cook for myself and even get my food. At least, I remember that before I learned to read and write."

"It's valuable to have experiences like this, to be independent and self-sufficient," Byleth replied, trying to highlight the newcomer's activities.

"It's a good way to romanticize those miseries that characterized my childhood," replied the young man as he continued cooking.

" Sometimes we have no choice in the circumstances we find ourselves in", Byleth added, feeling that Ernest's words couldn't be colder. "I've had my number of struggles at life level and on the battlefield. But I am sincere when I say that I admire your adaptability and how you have persevered despite your obstacles."

"Let's keep talking while we eat," Leonard replied, serving two plates of food and offering one to Byleth. "I cooked more than I expected. I hope you like it."

"Thank you so much. I will gladly accept this meal," Byleth said.

They both sat facing each other at one of the dining room tables.

"So, let's start by introducing ourselves properly, shall we?" the professor added, trying to understand more of her student and her motivations. "Tell me a little about your childhood. It sounds like it was quite unusual, but I'm sure there's a fascinating story somewhere. I'll be happy to hear anything you feel like sharing. You can be as sincere as you want; there is no need to hold back."

"Okay," Ernest replied, lowering his defenses a bit. "Let's say my mother was an ordinary midwife. I was one of those babies she took out and their birth fathers or mothers left lying around. I have no idea who my father is, but I met my birth mother, even though she is dead."

"I'm so sorry, Ernest, " Byleth replied.

"Okay... I guess I can live with it," the young man continued. "Uhm... I grew up alone since my adoptive mother didn't even get a chance to take care of me. I would get dressed from time to time and leave food nearby. Or sometimes not. But I managed. I learned to read and write by myself. Whenever I could, I tried to show off my talents with some guy who was taking a mistress or maid to give birth or have an abortion at my adoptive mother's."

"I understand... Was it to look for a better future?" Asked the teacher, curious.

"Exactly... One of them was a professor at Fhirdiad. I showed him my knowledge and uses of the fundamentals of the use of Reason. I was ten years old. He immediately took me to the Wizarding school. Therefore, all I know how to do is study and fight."

"What a remarkable story, " Byleth replied. "So, was there a point where you decided to dedicate yourself to fighting? Was there something specific that led you to that decision, or was it just an interest that developed over time?" The woman overwhelmed Ernest a bit with everything she started to talk about. "I'm also curious how things got to the point where your adoptive mother stopped taking care of you. Was there a turning point in your relationship?"

"It's not like she stopped caring for me. She couldn't take care of me. She gave me a roof and what she could give me to eat. She gave birth to people and aborted people. It was a place where children were dumped and sometimes abused as well. That woman, Raquel, hid me to prevent some degenerate from doing something to me. She didn't neglect me but raised me in the greatest misery, finally."

"I see... It seems like a tough situation for both of us," Byleth added, empathizing with Ernest as much as possible. "I'm glad you were able to get through that time and that you developed the skills and abilities that you have. What has allowed you to stay so strong, even after everything you've been through? Is there something in particular that you trust to give you that strength?"

"Did you know you have a correct speech but are too cold?" Ernest's words left the woman puzzled. "Have you been told that you are like an iceberg? Your expression is considerate, but it has no sparkle. It's like you don't have a heart." The boy paused before continuing. "If you want to know more about me... Tell me about yourself. How old are you? How did you become a teacher so young? What did you do before you became a teacher?"

Byleth lowered his head before answering. She felt challenged by a simple student. She felt a little angry. But perhaps it was true that she was cold. The professor tried her best to talk about herself.

"I've heard that before... Particularly when I was younger. I guess it happens when you have to fight from a very young age. The only language you learn to speak in that environment is the language of violence. You must learn to put your feelings in a box and remain detached. I'm trying to learn how to open up more to others and be more eloquent, in a way. But it has been difficult for me to break such habits."

"Well...excuse my words," Ernest replied, bowing his head. "I doubt I'm very different from you in that sense."

"Okay..." Byleth said before continuing to talk about herself. "I'm 21 years old. And I've spent my entire life being a mercenary under my father's orders. I've never done anything else to tell the truth... It's not a very interesting life, is it?... I guess that's where I'm cold."

"The truth is that I don't believe you at all. I met many mercenaries at my adoptive mom, and they all had strong personalities, even if they were young. Maybe there is another reason. But that does not matter now."

"I don't know..." Byleth replied, not knowing what else to say.

"By the way; did you like the food?"

"Yes, it's tasty," replied the professor, taciturn. "I want to return to the topic: Have you noticed something in those mercenaries that I do not show?"

"How to put it..." The boy gathered his ideas as best he could before continuing. "You seem like a nice person; that's a big difference. You are a correct woman. The mercenaries I met could be even the most impeccable in appearance, but the strength of their egos and narcissistic character always won them. You... You don't have that. I can't say that I see a true will or ego in you."

"I admit I've never had much ego, but I've always tried hard to protect anyone in need. That's what it means to be a mercenary, even if it's not everyone's way of approaching that life."

"Perhaps that finally confirms that you have no will of your own..." Ernest replied, throwing Byleth off balance again.

"It's not that I don't have the will; I don't give it much importance. My ego doesn't feel the need to be the center of attention all the time, as you seem to show. But I assure you that I have much will and can make difficult decisions."

Ernest was silent for a moment. He stared at Byleth in a way that told her the boy had an ulterior motive for talking to her. No, the young man had an ulterior reason for entering the Academy. He had plenty of will. And that warned Byleth that he was dangerous.

"I feel you're not completely convinced of that yet." Byleth continued after that pause. "Is there anything you're looking for as proof that you don't have a will? Is there anything else I need to add to convince you, Ernest?"

"You know how to convince me, 'Ashen Demon'," Ernest said, with a dark look that alerted Byleth. "Fight with me."