24 Along Came a Spider
The world is full of opportunities if only we choose to see them. While perhaps not willingly and certainly not happily, Rassmussen is a pro at taking advantage of the opportunities around him. Take for instance, this last week when Mrs. Meadows called in a panic.
Mrs. Meadows is a retired high school teacher who reminds me of Bea Arthur in appearance and attitude; however, she lacks the sense of fashion or the fortitude. Any little thing sends the poor woman running for the smelling salts. Anything from the cancellation of a favorite TV drama to the formation of a particularly disturbing cumulus cloud formation can send her into a tizzy.
The cats help her cope with the day-to-day hiccups, and the neighbors and I come to the rescue where we can, but the older the woman gets, the more challenging it's become to keep up with her demands. How Mrs. Meadows ever managed an entire classroom of teenagers is beyond me, but I hear she was good at it. I'm sure there is a story behind her transformation into the timid cat lady she is today, but that is a tale for another day.
The story today is about Rassmussen's heroic efforts to save the old biddy from the horrid clutches of a common house spider. Mrs. Meadows swears the spider had it out for her, had been stalking her for days before it leaped out of the kitchen cabinet and landed dead center of her Sunday wig—you know the one with the floral pillbox hat attached at a jaunty angle. She swears she moved so fast that the wig hung in the air as she dashed out of the house to come pounding on our front door.
While I comforted the dear soul, Rassmussen rushed next door and did the manly thing of demolishing the offensive arachnoid and then cast the body down the garbage disposal. He came back a short time later, perspiration on his upper lip, with the story of the battle and an itty bitty paper cut on his pointer finger. The cut was the result of a skirmish with a roll of paper towels. How one gets a paper cut from paper towels is a mystery to me, but he managed it.
While I was bandaging the micro cut, Rassmussen pontificated on the need for a modern-day hero to go door to door and fight the good battle with whatever creatures big and small that might horrify the average homeowner. He has a whole plan including a costume and a truck covered with a huge company logo and a spider bobblehead on the roof. The profit potential was off the charts, not to mention how popular it would make him with the ladies.
I couldn't bear to educate him about the whole pest control industry. Some things it's best he discover on his own.
