1 life and death dillema

Life and death. For a person like me who's always interested in ways of his death, it might be a little bit confusing. Let's make it more clear, in my childhood, like every kid, I loved to live and why wouldn't I; I had no responsibility, I just needed to keep my head in my studies and do my homework, go out play with the boys, get into some fights but don't get judged by people, after all, they said he's still a kid he'll get wiser someday. Once I started getting older, I started to love death more than life as if it's a new life I'll get to it after I die here, try to imagine your death now, no you can't because you're not cool with the idea of dying one day, dude if you have just a little faith in Allah, you should already know that no one is aware of the time of his death, which means you should expect it at any time, okay I understand your fear of that idea, let me discuss another idea with you before you were born, do you remember anything? No, and you know why? Again no. It's a bit complex, so some people say that before our birth, we were living as other people and when we died we were resurrected in new bodies with some memories that we see in "déjà vu", that could be possible if we get to the idea that each one of us has 40 twins, but the problem is there's no logical proof for this hypothesis. Some other people think that before our birth there was nothing but darkness and after our death, we'll be just in darkness, these are the atheists. Honestly, for me I think Allah is capable of everything, when my mom's fate was written about her getting married and having children, God has decided how many kids she'll have and their names, so when my time came Allah send me to her and that was my birth, as for my death I think that I will just be erased from the earth, that's one of the reasons why I'm trying hard to develop my writing level so that people can remember at least something nice about me after my death.

Now let me get back to the subject I'm writing about, so I said that once I got older I started to think about ways to die, but of course with no attempts to suicide. That was the time when I started my addiction, I did everything I can to think of something nice or just don't think about anything, but my problem was that my overthinking is always about death and life after death, now you'll say to yourself dude you just said that you don't think there's a life after death, bro just use your brain while you're reading this please, if I'm dead and I did nothing in my life, only my family will remember me, but if I die after making people read my articles or even my books and let them think with me on every word I write, that would be a life after death, not for me but my name. After all your name will live longer than you will, people will either think of you in a good way or in a bad way.

Now let me talk to you about the famous « Illuminati », everyone thinks that this society rules the world, well frankly they do rule the world, but do they rule the individuals? For me no, at least no one controls me because I do whatever I want whenever and wherever I want. Besides that I'm a fan of the Makaveli also known as Tupac, he called himself the Killuminati, and that album was released only after his death in two months, was it programmed? No, it wasn't, but once again a lot of people think that the Illuminati killed him, me I think it's either them or someone from the eastside, there were problems of course, but the murder of biggie after him in the same circumstances make me doubt if there is anything to do with gangs, I mean if a gang want to kill you, they'll just come at you not make a plan, and the fact that Biggie was killed in the same way as Tupac, and also after he made a new album that was released after his death and it was called life after death. That's a little bit suspicious, maybe there is Illuminati, maybe they do rule the world, and so even if they don't control us, they control the system that rules us. This puts us in a situation where either you follow the law and you lean for that society or whatever it is, or you become an outlaw and die by anonymous people. I think I may choose the second option, I prefer to die like a man than live like a coward because we're all going to die so why would live under the mercy of something or someone your whole life and you die after that, it's really sad to have such a life.

So here's my message to the people who read my shit, if you want to make yourself happy, and live a wonderful life, you'd better start now, first remove those primitive ideas you already had about fear and something bad will happen, because, after all, you'll RIP, it'd be better if you had a great life. And make something for yourself to let people remember you after your death. Because our reputation starts only after we finish.