Part 1: I hope you see this

Too many people share the burden of knowing that life can be a cold dark place. Between the madness and the apathy, many people who are hurting can be ignored. Left alone to struggle for acceptance. My journey began like many; lost, scared, and hurting.

I was never being fake depressed. I was being fake happy. When you saw those cuts on my arm you saw a peak of someone hurting and it made you uncomfortable. So much so that you threatened to lock me up if I didn't fake a smile and pretend like inside my soul wasn't bleeding. Dripping every last drop till there was nothing left to give. Draining till the blood stopped because the vessel was empty. Those cuts on the outside might have healed but the ones on the inside are much deeper. Slowly driving away what was barley even there to begin with. I lied and pretended to be happy; pushed away anyone that would listen. I got so good at it that I convinced a professional therapist but frankly she didn't care about how I felt, she wanted to get me out of there as soon as possible. She helped teach me better tips to lie to those around me, "smiling with the eyes and looking at them while you do it that will make anyone believe you". Advice that could even fool her. After all was said and done I was alone again hurting. I had no one to talk to this time and you stole the only way I knew to let it out. So many times I've thought about letting go. Falling peacefully to pieces. Maybe then they'd see. See how I feel on the inside because it is the only way they could possibly realize the burden I carry. Shoulders bruised and blister from over whelming weight. The age of 15 I had more grey hair than most in there early 40's. I can't take it anymore everything's good for awhile and then it gets worse than it was before, an endless cycle of pain. For those that looked the other way; I hope you see this.