13 My bucket list! (Part 1) - Emilia's Diary

Emilia's Diary

Today is probably one of the happiest days of my life yet. Why you may ask? Because from this day onward, my life won't be the same as it used to anymore. It all started when I met this person named Bless a week ago. He was admitted to my room on his first day at Mita Hospital. I asked Aunt Maria about it but she never gives me the answer as to why put him in my room and not someone else's. He's not awake when Maria brought him here. She told me that Bless got himself in an accident which put him in a coma for almost 3 months and she asked me to be nice to him if he's awake one day.

To be honest, I was glad that he wasn't awake at that time or it'll be super scary for me since I hardly talk to strangers in my entire life. When Maria left us both on that day, I sneakily go to his bed to look closer at him. I was poking his cheek continuously when I sit right next to his bed at that time. I know, that's quite improper of me to do that to someone who's in a coma. I just can't help but wonder how does it feel to be in a coma. Does it feel the same as sleeping? Do they dream when they were in a coma? It's really something hard to understand unless we were in the same shoes as them.

The next day, He finally woke up! I literally scared myself when his eye suddenly open. I straight away looked somewhere else when it happened. My heart was racing at that time! I didn't know what to do or how to talk to him. Then, he suddenly muttered something to himself. Listening to what he said was quite funny. It almost made me laugh in the end but I tried my best not to. When he asked if he's in heaven, I unconsciously replied to him and told him where he's at actually.

He looked straight at me! It was super awkward! I keep myself calm and just look out the window while doing nothing. I thought that was the best way to not make myself look awkward but in the end, I was even more nervous because he keeps staring at me! After a while, we began to talk to one another and that is when I realized about him that... He's really annoying! He never shut up, he always teased me whenever he likes and he always gets me in trouble! I'm really pissed off with him! I wish I could just shake his head until he's unconscious again.

The next day, I found out that he has a connection with one of my favourite singer of all time, Isabella! I was really stoke to know that and we talk about her nonstop! But sadly, I never had a chance to meet her because I wasn't brave enough to approach her when she was in front of my room. I regret it so much! I wanna see Isabella! When I thought that my day will get better soon, it turns out the other way around. Bless try to get me in trouble with his extreme stunt! What kind of stunt? He was trying to go down the elevator somewhere else! His reason behind his action was? He said he's hungry.

I knew if I follow him, I'll get myself in trouble with Maria if she found out about it. But I can't just leave him alone all by himself! Especially not when he looked like a walking skeleton with a plaster on his leg. I had to babysit him in the end and follows him wherever he goes. Somehow, we end up at the convenience store on the second floor. He bought me some snacks and he was really nice to me at that time. In the end, we both sat there and enjoyed the snack together until midnight. This is where my perception of him changed.

As I said, he is really annoying... but in a good way. Even how badly I mistreated him, he always gentle to me. Finally, when we walk back to our room. There was one word that came through his mouth that really makes me happy. 'Friend'... I never had a friend before. Sounded sad... But this is the reality for me. That one word really lighten my mood. I was overjoyed by it but not for long as my sickness suddenly hit me out of nowhere.

He probably found out about my condition afterwards. I'd really hope he didn't though. I don't want him to pity me. I hate when people do that to me. That's why before I go out of the ICU, I asked Maria to find Bless a new room for him to stay. I don't know how I should face him when he knew about my sickness. I end up getting depressed when I came back to my room. I don't feel like living anymore...

Days after days goes by, I feel empty inside me. Is it impossible for me to feel happy even just for a moment? Why do I have to be tormented by this sickness of mine? If I can't even live my life normally anymore, why should I go on with it? I knew I only have a few months left to live. Rather than waiting for that day to come, why don't I just end myself now? It's much simpler that way and less painful for me.

These suicidal thoughts keep playing in my mind over and over. Instead of making it stop, I succumb to it. I accept the fate that I'm into right now. In the end, I unconsciously bring myself to the rooftop. Just standing at the ledge of the building while looking over the horizon. I was prepared to end it there until... He came. My mind was ready to take the next step yet my body didn't move a muscle when Bless was right beside me.

We end up watching the sunset together. Maybe it wasn't the day for me to do it. After a small talk with Bless, I felt comforted by his words. I didn't know how to explain it, but what I feel at that time was hope. Maybe I speak too soon when I suddenly made a foolish request to him which startled him. When I saw his expression, I leave as soon as possible. I knew he wasn't able to say anything to me. I felt pathetic... I felt really hopeless and foolish at the same time... Asking for something impossible. I was about to cry when I left him there by himself but I hold my tears up. I can't show him how vulnerable I am at that time.

Finally, the next day I tried to end my life once again. I know, Aunt Maria probably worried sick when she found out I'm not in my room right now. Well, I was thinking optimistically in the wrong way at that time. If I'm not here anymore, Maria wouldn't have to be worried about me. She would have less trouble taking care of others if I'm not around, right? I cried at that time, yet my step was moving closer to the edge of the building. "I give up" is what I said to myself at that time.

Then, a miracle happened. I felt someone grasping my hand from the back and pull me away from the edge. It was him... It was Bless. I realized how selfish I was when we both hit the ground. He holds me tightly and didn't let an inch of myself touching the floor below. He looks really worried and relief at the same time. Maybe Maria felt the same way as he did too. I'm really selfish. I started crying really hard that day. It was the first time, I felt such regret for trying to kill myself.

Oh! I'm sorry. The story gets off-topic right now. Back to my main point here, my life will never be the same now. Bless has made a promise to help me with my silly request and today is the day we're going to start listing my bucket list! I can't wait to see how it will turn out. But... then I remember... This going to be really awkward! I- uh, cried in front of him like a kid while hugging him! How the hell can I face him now! God, please help me!

"Emilia.... Hey Emilia...?" Bless called my name as I was daydreaming.

"Eh? Huh! Y-yes!" I was blushing so hard when I came back to my sense.

"Are you done writing down your bucket list? Come on let me see it!" said Bless as he grabbed onto my diary.

"Hiiiiikk! No! Don't touch my book! I haven't started listing it yet!" I was desperately kicking his hands away as I lift my diary up in the air.

"Then what the heck are you writing right now..." Bless replied with a poker face.

"Shut it! You don't need to know what girls write in their book you pervert!"

"E-Eh? Geez, where did the crybaby Emilia go? All that's left here is just a grumpy Emi" He pouted while crossing his arm together.

I smacked his face with the book as soon as I heard him saying 'crybaby' but he ignored every single one of my hit.

"You're annoying me right now grrrr..."

"Sorry, ma'am" He smirked as his eyes gazed towards me.

I put my diary away and took a small note pad from the drawer across my bed. I walked back at him with the note in my hand and sat right on my bed. He just stared at me and said,

"So....?"

"I'll be writing my bucket list in here instead of the other book you dummy," I replied while waving the note in front of him.

"Uhuh..." he said. "So, do you have any idea what to list out on your bucket list?"

"I was thinking to start small at the beginning then work our way up to even bigger wishes on my list if you're okay with that?" I replied softly.

He smiled softly and said, "Okay, sounds good to me. Shall we begin now?"

"Yes! but don't you dare peek on it while I'm listing it down,"

"Eh?? Why not?" said, Bless while making an innocent face right at me.

"Because it's really embarrassing okay! Gahh! Why guys are all idiots!" I replied furiously at him.

"Heh, dunno." He smirks once again at me as he leans his back on the chair.

Almost 15 minutes have passed, yet I haven't listed out a single thing in my notepad. "Aghh!! I have tons of wishes I wanted to do but why can't I list a single thing out... Bless! Help me!"

"I knew it would be like this hahaha. That's why I wanted you to do the list with me. Hand me the notepad for a minute," He took the notepad away from me and start scribbling some word onto it.

When he's done with it, he turned the note around facing towards me and what was written on it is,

'Number 1: I want to make a friend! (Done)'

"Here, you've done your first wish on the list. Now write something that comes to your mind. Anything will do since it will be your second wish on the list. As you said, start small right? So go on. write something," said Bless to me while he placed the notepad on my bed.

I faintly smile when I see what he wrote on it. I took it up and nodded at him before begin brainstorming once again until I finally come up with something. I quickly wrote it down and show it to him happily,

"Here!" I said as I smiled cheerfully.

'Number 2: I want to eat steak!'