1 Prologue

Surrounded by a winter wonderland, I lay looking up at the night sky as the snow silently fell on the icy ground. Everything is so beautifully white and peaceful. Too bad for the puddling redness tainting the pure whiteness of the snow, but here I lay with my black shirt and jeans ripped to shreds from gashes of claw marks and bites causing the blood to slowly seep from every cut as it slides down my body. My face is scratched up and my dark brown hair is matted with twigs, mud and blood. I should be cold, but all I feel is numbness and the urge to slip away. I am so tired. This isn't the place I had planned to end it all, but here I am. Drifting away in the middle of the woods covered by a blanket of snow seems like a pretty nice way to go. No pain, just peace.

It should have ended right there. There should have been no second guessing. No worries. Just letting go into the abyss, but no. Why would my death be easy when nothing in my life was never easy? Nope, my death won't come peacefully. Peace, happiness and contentment are allergic to me. The darkness of depression calls my name like a siren's song. I can admit that the numbness is addicting. Not feeling, but just existing isn't a terrible feeling. Happiness is so uncomfortable, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Of course, trying to end it all would not go as planned.

I should have just jumped off the cliff when I had the chance, but no, I second guessed my choice. Then came the rogues . If only I had just let them chase me into the icy rapids below, but no, I had to run. Six against one is never a fair fight. a true white girl running for her life form, I tripped and hit my head on a dead log. It took me a minute to get up and that's all it took for the rogues to surround their prey. I should have taken training more seriously or at least hit the gym a little more than the library. They came at me all at once. I tried to curl up into a ball to protect the sensitive spots, but it only prolonged their attack. The rogues got spooked or called away, I don't know. They didn't finish their job. They just left me to slowly bleed out.

Of course, the border patrol would stumble upon my snowy grave. I don't know how long I lay there on the ground under a layer of white snow mixed with my blood. If they had only waited a little longer, the snow would have covered me completely and I could have drifted away. Why couldn't they just leave me there in the forest? I am not mad at them, they were doing their job, but I thought my end was near. I've tasted the sweetness of the abyss, and now my body craves it. However, I lay there praying the machine beeping steadily would malfunction so I could drift into nothingness. Why do they prolong my suffering?

They are trying to save us, just let them. Raya, my beautiful black wolf, said, closing her electrifying blue eyes, trying to get her strength up to help heal me, but the fight took a lot out of us both.

Ugh. I wish my so-called family would let me rest, but of course, not my mother wouldn't have anyone to blame for disgracing the family by being rejected. For a woman who said she wanted nothing to do with me, she sure is holding on to the worthless disgrace of a person who can't follow her simple plans. How could she not want me to disappear like she so often tells me to do.

I don't know why you even ask. You know she is just putting a show on for Alpha and Luna. Raya, my wolf said.

"Sometimes it would be nice if you just said they do care. It's just really deep down. You know something supportive." I responded as I started walking further in my dream state away from the circus currently on parade around me.

Yeah no. Why lie? I barely have the energy to help us heal and you want encouragement from delusional people. Nope, it's not happening. Wrong wolf spirit. Maybe try a different number. This line has been disconnected longer than I've been around. Raya retorts as she curls into a ball covering her ice-blue eyes with her midnight black tail. Wake me up when you decide if we are staying or leaving.

The moon goddess really blessed me with this sarcastic counterpart. Ugh. You would think she'd be more... I don't know...helpful with some insight into what the goddess has planned for us. Nope, I get an attitude and sass. What a pair we make. Maybe if I keep walking away I can drown out all their bull's mess and decide what I really want. This pain is all consuming and I was finally ready to throw the fight. I am picking loneliness for myself. There is just too much for me to forget. Those rogues should have finished the job, instead of leaving me maimed and still hanging on.