Chapter 1: Autumn

[October 31st]

Seeing that there's no one sitting in my spot, I sat in a rusty bench under a tree that slowly withers prepares for winter.

This was located at the upper tip of an oval track inside our school campus.

I look in front of me and I saw people playing volleyball.

It looked fun.

Looking further, I saw male teens playing catch ball with their mittens at the left edge of the soccer field inside the oval track.

That looked really fun.

I kind of want to join them, but I insisted in sitting here at the bench for a reason.

Looking towards the left, I saw the stands and I saw couples cuddling together and some even doing public display of affection.

It's enviable and I kinda want to get a gun and shot them in the head then myself in the chest.

Aside from all this premises and sentences trying to portray my surroundings, I'll say again that I am sitting here in a bench for a reason.

A reason some may see stupid but I think it is quite a cute naive feeling that a college student like me should have.

And the reason is that, I am waiting for someone to come see me and have a talk with. Passionately.

Not getting ahead of myself, I do think that I have the looks, and my figure is healthy, and when I sweat I don't smell bad but, maybe this is the chance?

Is the chance for me, a beta male still holding my v-card since birth, to give it after a hot passionate activities?!!

I'm excited for this.

Achieving the "Sage" title doesn't seem too bad but, I'm horny!!

I want her to ******* me then do a breathtaking ******/********* and smell the scent of her...

Stopping my incredibly amazing fantasies, we are talking online for about a year now and we even met up offline during a comic con...

...

...

...

Well... Screw that.

I didn't go to comic con, didn't have a conversation with her for a year, and 'her' did not even existed in the first place.

I'm just here for no reason.

Actually, I'm just wallowing in my own misfortune because, my game is broken!!

While I am up for debate whether which is more important between game or se*, which I tilt towards the latter if I am with someone, which I am unfortunately alone, I do need to think and look back at my savings account after buying a whole console set which includes a reclining chair along with a full body suit that connects to the chair, gloves with sensors and a helmet that looks like a racing helmet.

Screw the details and I just described what I thought it is.

I took my phone from my purse and I entered a numbered password that translates to the ABC=1 and so on like in the old nokia phones, "erodoujinsupremacy."

After opening my phone, I browsed through my apps until I found my bank app and my phone showed my remaining balance account.

And I looked at it.

Stared at it.

Then I just closed my eyes.

Inside of my mind, I was screaming at the top of my lungs and I can feel my lips are trembling non-stop to keep my mouth shut.

I saw something in my account that most college student in debt will run away in fear and some might even recall their experiences that led them to have ptsd.

I remember the zeroes I had before buying that damn game and now I look at this.

Shutting down my phone, I opened my eyes as I look at the cloudy sky.

I thought to myself, 'What have I ever done to receive this injustice?! I just want to play the game!'

Preventing my escaping tears, I closed my eyes again and inhaled a deep breath.

Right now, I'm going to look back at the past and see my misarable fate once more.

***

[2 months ago, August 17th]

"Next in DZCH Morning News, sensational actor, Morgan Logo got caught red-handed in a..."

Muffled sounds coming from the television outside continue to poke into my ears as I intensely focused staring at the wall in front of me.

Not diminishing even an ounce of my concentration as I breathe in a mouthful of air inside my mouth and then holding it in inside.

Holding my breath as I grasp for the chance to take the sweet sweet victory in front of me when I heard a very loud shout coming out just right next to the door.

"Hey, you good for nothing brother who doesn't work and even a shitty shut-in! When are you going to get out of there? You shit!!"

Ignoring the morning barks of a certain someone who has anger issues, I continue to hold down my breath.

Finally grasping the chance I sought, focusing the air in my diaphragm, I tense all my muscles in my body as I pushed my 'sweet victory' down the glory hole made for kings and queens.

bang bang bang bang

"Noo! Unfair! Why are you taking a shit first before me? I won't let you get away with this later! You hear me okay?! Now that you're finally done, get outta there already! I'm already leaking!"

Banging the door with a loud sound, my sister urges me to get out of the bathroom faster.

But why should I?

You can't expect someone after a shit to just go on their day without cleaning their butt off.

While thinking that, I leisurely grab the bidet shower to spray myself and making sure that my sister hears me.

pshlok *aims and fires* psssshhhhh

"You! You really are taking your sweet time and letting me hear you clean huh?!"

As I listen to her shout, I put back the shower and get some tissues to wipe my wet ass as I get ready to take the 'sweet victory' flush down.

Saluting the treasured moments I've done through this room, I flushed down the 'sweet victory' along with the treasured moments inside my mind.

As I ready to head out in this room full of my experiences, I hear a click of a sound in the door I'm in.

"Wait... No no no no. You can't do this! I'm not ready yet. Stop!"

"Shaddap!"

As I beg my sister, failing to prevent the inevitable, my sister, seeing the door was wide open, chucked me out of the bathroom and banged the door close.

"No... I can't get married anymore... Someone saw me naked. *fake cries*"

I cried in front of the bathroom door while holding my aching head from a collision with the wall.

Hearing our farce end in the bathroom, my mother calls out to me.

"Hey~ Are you two done? I'm already finished making breakfast and the news channel you're looking forward to is on tv. Are you still not gonna get up?"

Listening to her remarks, I clearly hear the word 'news' from her mouth and I jolted up to run to the dining room excitedly, after putting on my pajamas, to watch the news on tv.

"It's finally here huh?"

"What is the news you're looking forward to son?

"Uhhh... Nothing Ma."

"Hmm... I find it weird for you that for the past months you even started going outside! You, my son who has been a shut-in for 10 years, finally going outside!"

"T-that is..."

"Do you hear me?! You've gone outside?! Hahh! Don't tell me! You've been selling drugs?! And you are alert for news of you?! My God!"

"Nooo! Who in their right minds will want to fall on that road of life! Are you sane?!"

"Then! Did someone proposed to you and will announce it on tv?! Who is it?! Is it one of the daughters of our region's lord? Or the daughter of the richest company in this city?! Tell me! Tell me who is it!"

"Haa?! How did you go from drugs to weddings?!! Are you drunk or are you the one on drugs?!"

Retorting while looking agape at my mom, who was sitting in a chair at the dining table in front of the tv, saying those words and receiving them inside my mind shatters my fragile heart.

"Haahhh... Mom... I got a lot to say to you but first, it hurts. Can you stop smashing my fragile heart thoroughly?"

"No."

"Okay. So I want to sa-Ehhhhh?!..."

"Do you think we're not worried about your well-being? Who do you think we are for? Do you think parents are just for decorations?! Do you think we just decided to pop you out on a whim and let you go to your own ways to the world after you've become an adult?"

"N-no, what I mea-"

"Ahh my dear husband what should I do to our son? Wherever you are right now in heaven, please give me an answer may it be a sign I can understand."

"Uhh... Mother? Please don't kill dad too early. He is still alive kicking and well."

Seeing my mom in this pitiful state, I now feel guilty hiding things from her.