3 Chapter-3 The Grief Day

~~A sleepless night, dried tears and wide open eyes. Why am I so miserable? The people who have caused this, are they happy? Are they satisfied seeing me like this? What am I supposed to do? Pretend to be happy? Or show the real me. The sad, miserable and pityful one. What would make them happy? Why am I the only one caring about their happiness? Why is nobody giving a shit about my happiness? Why do I have nobody to care about me? Who can hug me and tell me things to lessen my greif. Someone on whose shoulder I can cry. Someone who can take care of me today. Today on this worst date. The 24th of November. It's been 5 years today since I started to write these letters to lessen my greif. But it's so useless. It's just useless. Writing on a stupid piece of paper everyday can't take away the huge stone on my heart. I'm tired of writing these. But I'm more tired of not being able to stop myself from writing every night. Am I lonely? But then why do I push everyone away? Now it's to the point no one even cares about my existence. I am nobody. But then why can't I just die? Why am I still breathing? Why? Why can't I go to all the others? They all left me Everytime they went somewhere. Even when they went from the earth. They all went together and left me behind. Here in this miserable state. Are they happy now? Enjoying like every other time? But why do I miss them? I hate myself. I don't want to miss any of them. But why can't I stop me? Please.....Please save me. If you can't come back, take me to you. Lead the way and I'll go wherever you'll take. No matter how difficult the path. As long as I can reach you, I don't care about the difficulty level. But why are you showing no sign of love to me? I think I really meant nothing to you ever. I am sorry. I am sorry to each one of you. If you can't love me it's fine. But please, take my apology as the only thing I can give you. I wish I could give you happiness. I'm sorry. ~~

With shaking hands and blurry vision I reach the gardern to burry my letter. I pluck the only red rose of the year and burry my letter, shedding petals of the rose over it.

24th of November. The day when I pluck the only red rose of the year and plant a new one for next year. Because I know, no matter how much I avoid it, this day will come back again next year.

Wondering why I choose red rose for today's letter? Because today's letter is my love and my hate. Both in one. The other days it's just short episodes of the darkness of my life, represented by black roses. But today it's my anger and my love both....

24th of November.

The Greif Day